All New Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 9

[WarriorQueen]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Meeting up with a big group of women tonight who are all happily married with kids. It's a pampered chef party, whatever that is? Just hope I can enjoy myself there and not feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. As I do not get out much tbh.

For Patience :)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xB7pQpNx-F4

and this...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmm1dhlTrfE
for all of us who have been told sweet litle lies...

And Christina is speaking from experience here. She's now a sigle mum too you know...beautiful sad song
www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_QpdhEcmBo

and this one is for Patience in the light of your ex's f*wit comments. Cos you are...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZjr0heZNIw

"and there you go again you say you want your freedom"....."players only love you when they're playing"
wanted to put this on my fb for the bard!!!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEi7GPkxfsE

Hello everyone,
Citydoll I hope you feel a bit better today. This awful painful period will pass I know so. Hang in there.
Clouded It is v wise of you to try and cherish moments with your dc instead of letting thoughts of your x disturb you. I try and do that but it is sometimes tough.
Getting You are doing well, selling your house is a big thing as it aint just bricks and mortar you're waving good bye to. You are entitled to feel bitter and angry, any human would. Just remember that your x will not have a shiny life. Noone gets a shiny life when they act without integrity. Your life will always be richer than his in the essential things. Anyone who strives to sustain harmony in their kids lives deserves a medal.It is all about karma it just doesn't look like that now but it will. When I first found out about x's affair on hols in Sherwood forest I wanted to drag him into the bushes and batter him with a rock but I'm glad I didn't :)
Sometimes when I look around our home that we both seemed to invest so much time in with diy etc I get really down too but in 2011 I will have to move on too. I hope these feelings pass soon.

Everything here is closed all schools and nurseries are closed so I can't work and am home with the boys. Our ave is frozen solid but we had to walk to Asda this am to get nappies and milk. I treated us to Toy Story 3 dvd. It was a nightmare walk the baby was on my back and the toddler was walking with my 8 yr old but the 2 wee ones got v cold and squealed all the way home. No joke they had wee snoticles! Anyway we all had a big fry up and curled up on the sofa to watch the film. It was v cosy. Toy S 3 is a tear jerker though me thinks. Also I'm just thinking again of my x who will be off school too. Not a cheep from him. He's not the one who has to cajole kids into wearing hats gloves etc and walk in the baltic snow. He will be somewhere feeling sorry for himself with only himself to look after. Plonker.

Hi Maybee. We haven't had anymore snow (got our 2 feet last week and week before) but it is freeeeeeezing here and everything is iced up. All the gutters falling off roofs, Sainsbury's closed because the roof has caved in with weight of snow and no petrol in the only garage in our small town, as delivery can't make it from Scotland!
And yes, I know what you mean about walking kids miles in the snow. I did that last week and week before, both crying as it was blizzarding in their faces! And yes, exh has no problems with glves, hats etc. I ended up buying two sledges and pulling them up the hill to the childminer's, as I was at work but they weren't at school. And she charged me an extra £22 per day when they were off!
Good post to getting. Wise lady :)

Thanks ladies.

Lol @ snoticles its much milder here today.

Well I have calmed down, you are right Tea hormones arent helping atm.

No it isnt just bricks and mortar because we both put so much effort into this place over the years physical mental and financial.God LC I hope it does feel empowering to move somewhere much much smaller because right now Princess Getting is stamping her foot!!!

I wish I understood how the human mind works and how it is possible for a whole set of happy , sensible and sane thoughts to be replaced overnight by bitter, angry and pointless ruminations

Well as advised I am just going to go with it and if I want to cry I shall.

By the way I believe in Karma too but I think I was hoping for some divine retribution sooner rather than later. Its been almost a year now and he does appear on the surface to be happy as Larry. Unfortunately as my friend said last night I would /will never know any different because he would never ever admit he regretted anything even if he did.

Tea I've been to a Pampered Chef party , why should you stand out for anything than all the right reasons. Its funny since discovering so many of my friends are suffering in their marriages I dont have any feelings of inferiority about xh leaving now. Actually on the contrary I hold my head up extra high because I am now living a life of integrity looking after my dc and doing a great job just like you Tea. So put on your finery and remember you are a kind, wise dumpling !

I'm not entirely sure what a pampered chef party is Getting.

None of mine are suffering in their marriages yet as it's still early days, only a few years married and still happy with their little ones. Not that I would wish misery of any form on them

Rather lacking in going out wear as I live in jeans and jumpers here. So I think maybe a bit of slap for a change as I rarely wear make up will have to do? Eek!

Don't know either Tea but it sounds lovely :) Enjoy yourself and just be you - don't think in terms of married/not married (easier said than done I know). I always feel quite proud of myself now when I'm in the company of lots of married women (every day in my staffroom) cos I think "If you had to do what I do everyday on your own without anyone to talk to every night you wouldn't be as chirpy as me!"
Remember Getting - every step back is necessary on the road to recovery. As Patience said, it ultimately makes you come back even stronger. I had a terrible time last week too (must have been in the water) but this week I'm going strong and just revelling in the feeling that I am at peace, even if next week I'm wailing again!
And Tea - jeans, jumper and slap sounds fine - too cold for anything else and sure you'll look great :)

Off to get fake tree with LED lights built in. Oh, the bling of it hehe!

Waves hopefully to Citydoll and sends lots of geordie love :)

Sorry, have not had time to post message today as had back-to-back meetings and very busy at work.

I still feel like a juggernaut has hit me and am completely raw inside and crying all night certainly does not help when you have to concentrate at meetings!

I am going to get something to eat and come back later. Thank you for all the much appreciated and much needed care, concern and love and also, special thanks to all the lovelies who sent me private messages.

Also, received the first Christmas card to "Mr and Mrs" from friends who do not know our situation, so that did not help!

Citydoll I am in awe that you can go to work and function feeling the way you do.

Goodness Christmas has a lot to answer for when you are a new dumpling. I remember last year hearing all the classic songs on shop tannoys or the radio would have me fighting back the tears . Or how about those bloody ads showing couples cosying up by an open fire unwrapping fab presents, grrr. Also just the whole concept of perfect happy families having a simply marvellous time.

Well just remember the solicitors office is always busiest right after the festive break ends and just think we have stolen a march on all the others because we already have or are on our way to divorce . Sorry gallows humour.

Seriously though those that are just joining our ranks if you can get through Christmas and New Year in one piece you can get through anything. My worst last year was watching dd in her last primary school Christmas play and seeing her happy face and knowing what was coming for her in the new year. I came home and sobbed my guts out.

This year is already feeling very different and I dont think the schmulz is going to get me. I have already had a word with ds and warned him I wont have more than a couple of presents to open as it was only xh and his parents who bought for me and obviously I am not anticipating gifts from that quarter this year . What I am looking forward to is being more natural and happy and not having to be extra jolly because Victor Meldrew's malignant miserable behaviour.

I know googoo I will come back stronger. at fake tree thinking of lovely big real tree in garage still in its netting and bucket of water while I put off figuring out how to put it up

One thing I will be instilling in dd is the need to learn DIY and general competence so that she isnt like her Mum ie fucking useless having idled by while xh did all that sort of stuff

Why is my festive confused wearing a mortar board ?

hahaha! cos he's clever, just confused. crap at diy here too - but then so was exh and bard, so not missing any help there! so much snow and ice here - haven't got a shovel so it's all just hanging/piling up everywhere, ready to break my house when it melts!
You need to but one of those metal spike/stand things that look really scary, then manfully spike it onto the thing (just pretend it's someone's privates lol). Or ask a neighbour/friend's husband to do it. My childminder's husband does little odd jobs for me - the pair of them are great, as my parents don't help much and live 17 miles away.
Be back later...:)

Waves to City glad you posted ,
pretty normal day bumped into an old friend who was always up for a nite out ,turns out she is pregnant ffs told her that had really fucked up my sex b4 xmas man hunt as she was to be my pub buddy she just pissed herself laffing but a baby in the new year is a lovely thought i hadnt seen her for 7yrs so good to swap numbers ,and i will seem like a fucking expert re kids lol ah dear the innocence of first time mums,anyway reading old thread has just made me think of shagging,thank goodness i dont have a b sitter or a single friend because no man would be safe atm.2 pubs in walking distance at least 6 more longer walking distance lol!
texted a pal about possible man hunt and contents of it when i read the text back made me lol ,def moved me forwards this week,has been a bit of a change in my thinking ,sent numerous angry texts to X yesterday to tell him exactly what i thought of him and it feels bloody great ,but thats it all back to normal today ,peace and quiet.Also read about The Secret on the thread one, a book about optimism ,will need to get it for xmas.
hugs to everyone ,re weekender where will we meet obviously want it to be affordable and available and think people could come for the day as well, a sort of either or option ,hugs to everyone stay warm and so nice you posted city x

Googoo Thanks for all the tunes funnily enough I know the words to most of em by heart, my subconscious mind must have stored them all those years ago for the day I would need them! Sledges moonboots and skigloves have all sold out but I have ordered a sledge from Argos. I had been offered last 3 Mondays before Christmas, supply work at school so I jumped at the chance to get some extra cash. Monday past I got the kids to my cm but then couldn't reach school so didn't get paid. I couldn't collect kids early due to snow so I am now out £56 grrr. As my mum says at least you got home safely' 'yes' I said not telling her about the van I bashed en route home!
Tea Get your gladrags on and enjoy a night out. I felt a bit emotional at a night out on Sat with married pals who don't know about me yet. Then I thought to hell with it I will enjoy my bacardi and table service and be proud that I can still wear a smile sometimes. Anyway people might have thought that about any of us a few weeks/months ago.
I will sign off.
Citydoll Things can only get better.

Maybee thinking of you and your charade believe me it will be such a lovely relief to tell your friends and get so much more support- not long now

Managed to get two sledges from Argos last week but spiderman outfits have sold out - oh no! What will 4yo do on Christmas day now?!!
Hope your car hassurvived the van bash - I had little bash last week and rear widscreen wiper now wiping the boot - haha! I felt SO down on my night out last Saturday - just wanted to be at home watching x factor. Going to start doing less on weekends off - I've spent the past year driving 75 miles every other Friday night (including in heavy snow) to see exbf who lives in highest village in England. So knackered really. Going to spend more time now relaxing in my own house. He's disappeared off fb this week. Think he must be back into dating website quite heavily. Funnily enough, I just feel relief this week that it's finally over. It was all such emotional turmoil and it's actually easier to think that noone is thinking of me, rather than feeling miserable and wondering if he is thinking of me, or why he hasn't texted if that makes sense.
And Patience my motto next year is going to be "2011 - no man heaven"!!!! Tried the dating for two years (I could make your eyes water with some of the things that have gone on - mainly due to my naivety/stupidity) and I'm too soft - kept falling in love - can't do the random shagging thing I'm too much of a romantic. So going to give my heart a rest. Although I will miss the lovin'! Thing is, it's too empty if they don't actually love you...
And Maybee - another teacher eh? Bummer about your cm and cancelled job. This snow is crap.

And girls, I would LOVE a weekender. How exciting. Hope I can pluck up the courage to come...:)

Ok so thats me an GGM anyone else interested?
2011.....I'll be having sex 24/7

Really going for this positive visualisation thing

Would like to come if I can Patience