It's all about him

[BibiBlocksberg]

Can't believe I'm going to even talk about this without namechange but need to know I'm not imagining things. So, dp and I were laughing at the cat who was all snuggled into him this morning and started purring loudly when started to stroke and fuss her. Cue us laughing about how much she's enjoying being fussed.

Dp turns round to me and says 'I haven't been fussed in ages (in little boy voice) meaning sex of course.

We haven't had sex coming on for about a year now which is my fault since I have totally gone off it. Any attempts to talk about it have failed since he refuses to take on board some of the things I don't like/reasons I feel I've gone off the idea completely.

Have talked to gp 4 times now re no libido but other than swapping brands of the pill they don't know what could be causing it so am now stuck for ideas.

Anyway am just absolutely livid since it always seems to be about him him him in the bedroom. That comment earlier just made me so angry. Not 'we haven't done anything for ages, do you feel like it etc, no just He hasn't had it for ages.

All topped off with a wobbling bottom lip face and lots of sighing when i went to make a cup of coffee.

Just so tired of it all being my fault really, thanks for reading this ramble.

"Probably there are just a lot of stonerheaded PITAs around." ...by which I mean him, of course, not you, however it sounded! :o

I'm sure someone will ask you for Christmas, or it might even be good to have it on your own after 8 years of whinging.

Or go to phipps (I hear her roasties are lovely and she always shaves her hands and parks the truck for Christmas)

again "8 years of whinging" - HIS not yours.

I'm going to shut up now!

Sorry only just finished dinner and watching apprentice.

Elephants -you absolutely read my mind re this being really dishonest to let him carry on thinking all is normal.

Keep sniping at him over nothing almost like I'm trying to pick a big fight.

Phipps - you too are scaring me - sat down to eat thinking ' I'd book the cats into a cattery and go if i had somewhere TO go.

Am I mad for seriously considering the offer of an Internet stranger?

At least you shave your hands though i hear Phipps so I should be safe enough

Yeah exactly once you get to the sniping stage you realise it is just not going to get any better. Ex-DP was really shocked too, apparently, and we were both really upset, but it was a huge relief more than anything. Bet you'll feel the same.

Also another thing I used to think about: At the moment you have two bridges to cross before you get to a happy relationship. The break up and the finding a nice guy, if that's what you want. If you're single at least you're free if you do happen to meet a decent bloke. (Although you'd probably be better off having a good think and some breathing space first.)

Well I'm doing the sniping and dp is just shouting his corner with a really confused expression on his face.

What a cow I am, mind you I do have 8 years of doormat type behaviour under my belt so maybe I'm allowed a little blip?!

I keep coming back to these facts:

Our lives are not going to change. In 5 or even 10 years time we will still be sitting, Dp in front of some game and me feeling resentful.

Dp will not transform into mr communicate and mr make a decision. Possibly ever.

The drugs will rule his life again possibly for a VERY long time.

If I do want to haven children it's going to be too late by the time Dp wakes up.

Please excuse the list I just felt like jotting some of my jumbled thoughts down so I can look at them again in writing when i need\want to.

At the risk of being boring Bibi YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGISE OR EXCUSE YOURSELF! THIS IS YOUR THREAD! PLEASE TALK ABOUT WHATEVER YOU LIKE! WE ALL LIKE YOU AND ARE ON YOUR SIDE!

Just sat waiting for the cats to finish their breakfast and saw your last reply elephants.

Thanks for making me laugh before 6 am, quite an achievement that!!!

Nice megaphone by the way - it's really loud though

Thanks for saying that i can post anything on my thread. Just didn't want people thinking I was constantly pushing them for replies.

Expected to see ' give it a rest now' not 'post away to your hearts content' :)

Please don't worry about pushing for replies, if you are worried about our feelings I am concerned that that spinal growth is not coming on as well as I hoped :)

How are you feeling this morning?

What have you got coming up in the next month or so that could be a line in the sand? Birthday? Anniversary (of anything)? Holiday? Anything you're looking forward to?

BTW have you spoken to any RL friends about this yet? Might be a good next step.

Yeees, spinal growth is slow but still happening :)

Tired today thanks for asking but then I did discover to my horror that I had nearly drunk an entire bottle of wine by myself last night. On a school night, no wonder I'm tired....tsk!

How about you? Aside from the throat obviously :)

You're really spooky, I was thinking about the line in the sand type thing myself yesterday.

DP has a weeks holiday booked for the last week of November so was thinking about that. (I'm not joining him since we had two weeks off together in October which was QUITE enough for me!)

Then it's my birthday on 11th December so was thinking as a last cutoff point before Christmas.

So many practicalities to sort out/think about....nightmare!

Real life friends, mmmmh not really said very much since I have only friend (I know I know, i'm as much of a sadsack/weirdo as DP but there you go)

Said friend lives near me but her dog is at deaths door atm and might well die in the next couple of weeks so really don't want her to have to listen to me bleating on as well!

Posting here and getting everything written down is helping me a lot though!!

I'm feeling like shit actually as have a series of bugs that won't leave me alone. But fine really :)

Quite pleased with being dubbed "spooky". How about - DP's week off for planning. Birthday for day to be out by? Let this stop at age 35.

Obviously I don't know your friend, but if it were my dog, and my friend wanting to leave her partner, I would hope she could talk to me about it. She'll probably be pleased to think about something other than poor sick pup.

Sorry for scaring you .

Hands definitely nor hairy and the only truck I have is a tiny one belonging to DS2 .

WRT your friend, sometimes when people are going through a tough time it helps to have something else to think about..

Oh, sorry to hear that - some bugs are worse than athletes foot, they just won't let go!!

That's just it though - DP has a week off for planning, not me, I'll still be sitting in work everyday.

You're probably right about my friend, I'll see how she feels about a chat later.

That's been most of the trouble with me I think and the reason I'm still in the relationship I'm in. If there's no-one in RL to talk to that can say to you 'that's normal, wouldn't put up with that' what the hell are you doing etc then it's just the internal voice.

And mine is permanently stuck on 'well if he doesn't agree with me that must mean I'm in the wrong' and unreasonable with it.

God, it used to absolutely infuriate me when DP used to talk about 'his needs' (hasn't done that in ages hence I say used to)

Made me want to scream really loudly 'oh yeah, well you're not the only with needs around here buster' Of course I never did and am beginning to see I feel/felt like that since I have very rarely expressed any 'needs' of my own and when I did they didn't really seem to count in his eyes :(

Anyway, going to make a list of all the things I need to sort out before I can leave/move out:

*Money, still not asked bank re. overdraft not sure why. Fear of 'no, you're a bad credit risk' I guess.

*Notice period for rent. Need to decide whether to tell DP im going first or do I tell landlady first. Can't make up my mind as to what best to do. Need to start looking at places to move to as well.

*Cats, need to find a place that will accept them. Also complicated situation with one of them who adopted me from the neighbours across the road who didn't/don't care about her. I'm pretty sure they've moved and left her behind but need to knock on the door and find out for sure. Not looking forward to that since if the old owners are still there, they have always been pretty unpleasant to me (gulp)

*Car. I HAVE to have transport since I can't access my work by bus or train. They just don't go there.

*Car, again. Road Tax is due on DP's car (the one I've MOT'd) on 1st December and insurance shortly after. Now, seeing as that vehicle has already cost me a shedload of money it would stand to reason that I get the use of it while I sort out my move, still get to work etc. Trouble is, to do that it will cost me at least another £150.00. Money that I need for move and don't want to spend on something he gets the use of.

*Worries about DP and how he is going to cope/be once I've told him. I know I know not my responsibility.

Phew, that's quite cathartic getting that written down. It's freed up my head a little bit :)

Ooh, hi phipps, just spotted you there (waves)

Thought I'd scared YOU by saying I was considering accepting your invitation

Disappointed about the truck though tbh, was looking forward to spending a night in a truck cab with private curtain to pull etc :) :)

Good post Bibi. If you travel to work by car (yours) atm, why is that going to change if you move out?

btw what area of the country are you in?

Because DP has always maintained the car belongs to him despite who the main user is/was or who has paid for what (v. little in his case)

Just remembered, when I told him about how much the MOT work cost the other night (£342) he graciously informed me that he would be able to help me out money wise this month but won't be able to next month.

Helping out in his book means lending me the odd £20.00 to put petrol in the car and buy catfood.....

Cheers, knobhead, grrrrrr. So generous of you......

Sooo, am thinking he might get funny about me carrying on using it once I've told him I want to leave.

I'm in the South - Dorset to be more precise.

I've just e-mailed a gumtree ad for a flat btw. Can't believe it.......

Dang, it was an agency, they got back to me straightaway. The landlord would have taken a cat but the property is on a busy main road.

Since Tigger's favourite hobby is lying in the middle of the road (quiet cul de sac at the momentso not a problem) I don't think that's going to be a good idea.

Teaching an old cat new tricks and all of that :)

That's good though - where there's one there'll be others (flats, houses etc I mean)

Good gracious - help you out eh?

So he bought the car (before you got together?) but you use it and pay for it?

If it's really his car I would hire one for the move, or just go in a taxi (people do). Or ask your friend - does she have a car? Or a colleague? People can be lovely.

Shame you're in Dorset - was going to take you out for cake :)

GREAT that you're looking at flats.

And speaking of taxis, have you seen ?

No, he bought the car a couple of years after we moved in together. Pride and joy blah blah blah unless it comes to putting his hand in his pocket for it.

I was amazed to learn on here that most couples have 'our' things after a certain amount of years and both contribute to the upkeep. Much more logical way of dealing with things.

All those transport options - they honestly never occured to me, thanks!!

CAKE!!! CAKE!!! (throws herself on floore, wails and kicks) I loooooove CAKE....buuuuhuuuu. Thanks for the cake 'thought' though he he he.

Will have a watch of that video when I get home, thanks :)

...floor even!

Sorry about the cake!

lyrics here if you can't watch vids at work.

Do you have nice colleagues? One of my ex-coworkers needed to move out from her boyfriend's flat, and 2 or 3 people came along with their cars to help her (if you're rural then most people have cars IME).

My friends have moved on buses, or trains, on the tube etc. Just need taxi for the big things really.

I'm just over the border in Devon. I can take you out for real cake if you're at my end of the county!

I'm really impressed with how definite and strong you are. It's really hard when you've been acquiescent for so long (is that a real word?), so go for it. You have got the power of MN behind you.

Oooh, cheers,

All homemade I presume? :)

Yes colleagues are ok and one lives a couple of roads away from me so sure would be happy to help.

Thanks for lyrics, will have a nose, I looove pointed and meaningful lyrics.

You have reasons why you feel you can't leave now but is anything going to change to make you be able to leave, while you stay?