It's all about him

[BibiBlocksberg]

Can't believe I'm going to even talk about this without namechange but need to know I'm not imagining things. So, dp and I were laughing at the cat who was all snuggled into him this morning and started purring loudly when started to stroke and fuss her. Cue us laughing about how much she's enjoying being fussed.

Dp turns round to me and says 'I haven't been fussed in ages (in little boy voice) meaning sex of course.

We haven't had sex coming on for about a year now which is my fault since I have totally gone off it. Any attempts to talk about it have failed since he refuses to take on board some of the things I don't like/reasons I feel I've gone off the idea completely.

Have talked to gp 4 times now re no libido but other than swapping brands of the pill they don't know what could be causing it so am now stuck for ideas.

Anyway am just absolutely livid since it always seems to be about him him him in the bedroom. That comment earlier just made me so angry. Not 'we haven't done anything for ages, do you feel like it etc, no just He hasn't had it for ages.

All topped off with a wobbling bottom lip face and lots of sighing when i went to make a cup of coffee.

Just so tired of it all being my fault really, thanks for reading this ramble.

Oh dear Jux, I may sound definite but just sitting here thinking, 'what are you doing Bibi?? Are you mad?'

Talk is cheap as they say, I have to get on and DO now.....!

Not really near you I'm afraid, damn more missed cake :)

You'd be mad to stay, and you know it! :)

This cake thing is really sad. There must be some Dorset based MNers?

Had to read that several times phipps - it's literally mainly money right now.

I get paid again on 30th November and until then I have £127.89 to my name to cover human and catfood, some remaining personal bills, petrol etc.

The bank would have to lend me a sizeable chunk of cash to enable me to leave immediately and that's not going to happen since my credit rating is shit right now.

No exaggeration!

It sounds like an excuse but there's no point in making a dramatic exit and then having to go back and say to DP 'couldn't lend us some money til the end of the month, could you?'

I know we will get the deposit on our current place back (well most of it hopefully) but that will be a minimum of a month away so can't really count on using that.

Not having a go, just listing again really :)

Even if your credit rating is low, your bank may give you an approved overdraft to provide enough for a month's rent & deposit- have you been in to ask?

I still think it is worth asking the bank. If they say no at least you tried, if they say yes, then off you go.

Are you going to be able to save while still with him and how much notice do you have to give?

I was looking for an excuse to increase my waistline; now I'll have to just because I want to.

Phone your bank, Bibi. Once you know the answer you can move on a bit.

Little steps.

How are you today Bibi? Thought I'd just pop by and see how you're getting on.

Have you thought of looking for somewhere closer to work so that commuting isn't as much of an issue? It doesn't look like you're particularly tired to one area anyway.

As far as telling the landlady or the partner first I would decide depending on if it was an agency or not. Agency I'd tell the partner first, private landlord I'd tell her and explain the situation and that you are just forewarning her but she isn't to say anything to anyone just yet. She can then decide how she wants to sort out the deposit. I wouldn't bank on that money though. It has always taken me forever to get mine back and I find landlords view it as a tenancy fee rather than a deposit and try to bill you for everything.

Make the call to the bank. You really never know what they can do. Even if you don't ask them to do it now. Just tell them you need to know your options so you can get out of an unhappy home.

Hi all, have had second wind in the decision making process and swung back to 'it's got to be done' :)

Just don't like the thought of being the baddie to ruin his life completely which is how he will see it.

The property situation is really annoying me. There's going to be a perfectly good house available at the end of all the notice giving.

I almost feel like saying to the landlady 'me and DP are splitting up but I will stay on in the property' Since he won't move out unless I'm going as well,can we just pretend between the two of us that we're both going until he has actually left.

No sane person in the world would a) understand what I'm trying to do and b) agree to go along with it.

I will talk to the bank though and 1Catherine1 - that's a really good idea to look to move closer to work to solve the transport issue.

I'm not sure that's a great idea bibi - but I know that people do often stay on in rented places after a break up. You will need a new tenancy agreement though. Do you have an agent you can speak to or is it just the landlady?

Why do you think your landlady won't agree to it?

Elephants - why isn't it a good idea?

I meant the pretending they were both moving out. For one thing she'd have to pack up all her stuff! And for another thing it puts her in the wrong, and I have a feeling that's not where Bibi likes to be. He will use it to make her feel guilty and awful and let him back in.

But it might work, who knows?

I think in my heart of hearts I know it would be better for me to move.

It's just perfect for the kitties here that's why I'm thinking up schemes.

I haven't even started looking at places yet there's probably a far better flat/house out there for me :)

You never know, he might want to just go when you tell him and he might not be bothered about you staying in the flat.

there's always that chance I suppose Phipps. Whenever Dp is faced with something unexpected or unpleasant he ignores it hoping it will go away.

And that's by his own admission!

pack his bags and call a taxi then? :o

The thing is at the moment you are second guessing what he will do when you tell him you want to finish things. I thought my ex would hit the roof or maybe me but definitely not be impressed that I dared to dump him again. He did none of that. He cried and left.

Elephants if I could of a destination to tell the driver i might consider that

Give him a tenner and tell him to drop him off when the money runs out?

Seriously - your DP is earning, is that right? Then he can get a flat as well as you can. You need to talk to him. You need to break up with him properly, even though it's hard.

And even though there's only virtual cake on offer.

Shame there's no such thing as a virtual break-up.

Right, off for a very early night -little rascal cats keep waking me up at the moment so need to catch up.

Lovely chatting with you all again today, enjoy your evening!

How are you today?

Hello,

Just popped on to post my latest revelation/observation and there you are phipps :)

Hope you're well and happy!!

I'm a bit stressed today, just had a major upset at work, colleagues taking the mick letting me shoulder most of the work (now, where has that happened before in my life?) :)

Tears and everything from me which has never happened before

Was sat crying thinking 'wish there was someone I could talk to' Shall I ring DP?

And the honest answer is, I just didn't want to. He more than likely would have made sympathetic noises and tried to help but I just didn't want to speak to him. He's always been fairly hard work on the phone but still. That told me something.

Lucky for me one of my colleagues took ten mins out of her day as she knows me and knows this is unlike me.

Bit better now thanks to that :)

Oh heck . Have you managed to sort the work thing out?

Yeah it's ok now. Most people were out on a seminar today anyway and the rest don't care who or what is around them which caused the upset in the first place.

If anyone wants to make something out of it they can have my resignation.

Feeling v. fighty today

Had offer from other work friend (with dying dog) to go over tomorrow evening for x factor watching and wine drinking.

Be nice to get away from the gunfire coming from DP's playstation for one thing plus give me a chance to talk over the whole leaving thing.

You are no longer sexually attracted to him. Probably because of his selfish attitude. This is natural and normal. He needs to change or you need to split up.

Use tomorrow night as your thrashing everything out night and go home knowing what you want to do.

I hope doggy is okay .

Don't care if your P is.