It's all about him

[BibiBlocksberg]

Can't believe I'm going to even talk about this without namechange but need to know I'm not imagining things. So, dp and I were laughing at the cat who was all snuggled into him this morning and started purring loudly when started to stroke and fuss her. Cue us laughing about how much she's enjoying being fussed.

Dp turns round to me and says 'I haven't been fussed in ages (in little boy voice) meaning sex of course.

We haven't had sex coming on for about a year now which is my fault since I have totally gone off it. Any attempts to talk about it have failed since he refuses to take on board some of the things I don't like/reasons I feel I've gone off the idea completely.

Have talked to gp 4 times now re no libido but other than swapping brands of the pill they don't know what could be causing it so am now stuck for ideas.

Anyway am just absolutely livid since it always seems to be about him him him in the bedroom. That comment earlier just made me so angry. Not 'we haven't done anything for ages, do you feel like it etc, no just He hasn't had it for ages.

All topped off with a wobbling bottom lip face and lots of sighing when i went to make a cup of coffee.

Just so tired of it all being my fault really, thanks for reading this ramble.

Oh, good lord, what a plonker! Not so much for forgetting the birthday - but for letting them down again, just because he didn't want to be reminded of a mistake. "Captain Sorry's Important Ego" ... should be a Viz comic strip.

I like your day plan, Bibi :)

Yes we'll have some Famous Chilli at the virtual housewarming when you get your new place!

Well, the worst thing is he didn't even forget the birthday. I told him about it a few days before since I talk to his sister on Facebook occasionally.

As is typical, Cap'n said to me 'perhaps we should go into....insert name of town.....and find a nice necklace for her or something'

I wholeheartedly agreed and left it at that. Needless to say that's the last I heard about a gift for her until the event had passed

I KNEW this crap was all wrong but not having talked to anyone about it before I wasn't sure.

Sorry, I'll stop digging up Cap'n 'corpses' now.

Housewarming, yes, that sounds lovely. Even if it's small those of you that live further away can stay over and will even find a recipe for a veggie version for Elephants.

It's the least I can do!!!

""Captain Sorry's Important Ego" ... should be a Viz comic strip"

Sorry, I missed that a minute ago - love it!!

Glad I got to talk about the 'other' stuff he weasels out of does.

Just had a flash of 'god all the years I mooned after a commitment from him and now I'm so glad it didn't happen!!'

hey, weasels out should have been crossed through.

My comedy attempts are being thwarted today.

Those sneaky weasels.

Yeah - thank god eh? Those could be your kids he fails to buy a present for, can't be bothered to spend time with and avoids for fear of being "relied on".

Only worse.

Damn these weasels

That's quite chilling actually when you put it like that! Imagine the fun chase around for Maintenance I would have had as well eventually

DO you think he had a similar fear of you relying on him, hence lack of committment? But it's OK for him to rely on you...

I hadn't thought of it like that Katisha but have just remembered all the times when he used to try and tell me that I needed to talk to my friends more than him. As if trying to have a conversation with him was somehow inappropriate.

That was a fair few years ago though, I suppose he was 'laying the tracks then' though.

Have def. always felt that I need to keep things quiet and just take care of them myself since he just gets totally overstressed with them and 'panics' or if asked about his emotions 'doesn't know'

Gosh I can see that he would prefer nothing better than to slide into middle and old age with just you there quietly organising his life for him, and him not having to think about anything much at all.
What a prospect.

Hello! So glad you slept well. Am enormously jealous as I was up at 3.50, 4.20 and 5.30 and then gave in and got up at 6.25. You sound like you are really cheerful.

Great things to do plan, can you add doing a budget for your new circumstances so you can start on a good foot? You could include categories such as 'fun' and 'presents for people'

Joking apart, you need to make sure you remember stuff like single occupier discount for your council tax when you work out where you can afford to move to.

Well, we have to remember it was all the evil weeds fault though (tongue nearly bursting through cheek here with that statement)

Without that he is going to have a complete personality transplant. It's amazing to think of the wide reaching effects that stuff has had on every part of him [hmmm]

Can't wait to see all the things he's done at home/deep thoughts he's had about how to improve our relationship/ measures he's implemented while I've been away.

That's probably why he didn't have time to text me more than a brief sentence last night.

Yes, that's def it, I feel sure of it

Feels like a left an eternity ago, it's only been a day and one night.

Bet he's done BUGGER ALL and he thinks I've had a nice break and am ready to pick up where we left off.

Did my cats stay with you last night then bloomingnora?

Wish you'd have told me, I wouldn't have fretted about them then

Those are usually the times they like to commence 'pillow dance' hence my question.

Mmh, single person discount, forgot about that.

I would be firmly shutting the bedroom door on those cats... Must be like havng a couple of newborns - I really wouldn't be up for that sort of feline shenanigans!

Yes we are agog to see what he thinks about it all now ...if anything. But I imagine he just thinks you have had a blip and will pick up again where you left off, as so many times before.

Have you heard back from the landlady yet?

At least if it had been cats I could have sent them to the RSPCA (joke, cat lovers!). DS1 going coughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcough. then shouting mummy INCREDIBLY loudly and asking me to make him some hot lemon and honey as the one he took to bed with him has apparrently gone cold you don't say.... I was just stumbly and mumbly and saying 'no, darling, it's the middle of the night'. Am amazed at my calm!

I used to love looking for new places to live. The sense of starting fresh is fab. You are going to feel great come the new year as instead of resolving to sort things out with Captain Sorry you will have already done it! You can make proper resolutions, such as 'learn spanish' and 'do a skydive'!

No, no contact from the landlady but then she is a bit strange like that.

Very good in terms of fixing broken things etc but have to leave a message and usually wait at least two days for a response.

Probably just as well though if I make up my mind to just give notice to leave rather than changing the tenancy to a single name.

"I would be firmly shutting the bedroom door on those cats... Must be like havng a couple of newborns - I really wouldn't be up for that sort of feline shenanigans!"

Yes, quite! They scratch the door though if shut out and since it's a rented place I can't afford for them to scratch things to bits.

And yes, I've often said I may as well have breastfed a couple of newborns by now since I'm up and down like a flipping yo-yo most nights.

But then I do adore them and it took me so long to pluck up the courage to go ahead and get them I don't hold it against them :)

We could swap for a few days nora at least the cats don't demand lemon and honey.

Just biscuits and the door opened for them to go out.

That sound's like you had a nightmare of a night though, commiserations!!

I'm not agog at how he is tonight - don't care really. It's not like there's a "good" response for him to have.

Except possibly "I'm moving out, thanks for everything Bibi, sorry I'm been such a lazy boring twat. Oh yes, and here's the money for the car"

Sadly, I am allergic to cats! So I would be up all night sneezing. I actually ended up having quite a funny day as I was so tired everything became enormously surreal and made me laugh. Have you heard from Captain Sorry today? Or is he on a particularly difficult level and can't use a phone?

"Or is he on a particularly difficult level and can't use a phone?"

You guys slay me!! Not a peep out of him today.

Am beginning to see it as extreme cowardice now, keeping quiet rather than 'oh poor thing he doesn't want to upset me'

"I'm moving out, thanks for everything Bibi, sorry I've been such a lazy boring twat"

That's what he promised me during our last chat, the moving out I mean. And he did keep apologising for being a tit.

Easy peasy!!!

Right, am off home now and will have to pop out for emergency late night shopping for works christmas party TOMORROW night - EEEEEEEEK!

Wasn't going to go but some of my lovely colleagues were horrified to hear I wasn't going (v. flattering :)) so have persuaded me to go after all.

Plus it will save me sitting at home with Cap'n.

So, you can all have the night off from me going ' but but but what about him'

No doubt I will find time to update you all on tonight's happenings before I go to sleep though.

Have a great evening and as always thank you for your support :)

no no NO - one of you will be out of there by tomorrow night anyway, amiright?

Still here ahem, "one of you will be out of there by tomorrow night anyway, amiright? "

I can't see it happening tbh Elephants. I will tell him tonight he needs to go but know he will start on some other tactic.

Probably start whining about how he's not the 'injured party' so why should he go.

Oh, rats, exhausted trying to predict it all. Going to find out the actual state of play now.

Good for you - bit worried that you're still seeing your future together IYSWIM.

No def. not anymore. This is true - I have printed this message of yours and pinned it up on my wall at work so I can see it because it hits the nail on the head:

Thing is, if he's serious, it's still better that you spend time apart. You need to live on your own for a bit - if by some miracle he is a changed man (he isn't) then he will sort himself out, clean himself up anyway and you can think about this again in a year's time, if you realise you've made a terrible mistake (you haven't).

I doubt I will want him back after a year as well!