It's all about him

[BibiBlocksberg]

Can't believe I'm going to even talk about this without namechange but need to know I'm not imagining things. So, dp and I were laughing at the cat who was all snuggled into him this morning and started purring loudly when started to stroke and fuss her. Cue us laughing about how much she's enjoying being fussed.

Dp turns round to me and says 'I haven't been fussed in ages (in little boy voice) meaning sex of course.

We haven't had sex coming on for about a year now which is my fault since I have totally gone off it. Any attempts to talk about it have failed since he refuses to take on board some of the things I don't like/reasons I feel I've gone off the idea completely.

Have talked to gp 4 times now re no libido but other than swapping brands of the pill they don't know what could be causing it so am now stuck for ideas.

Anyway am just absolutely livid since it always seems to be about him him him in the bedroom. That comment earlier just made me so angry. Not 'we haven't done anything for ages, do you feel like it etc, no just He hasn't had it for ages.

All topped off with a wobbling bottom lip face and lots of sighing when i went to make a cup of coffee.

Just so tired of it all being my fault really, thanks for reading this ramble.

"high-five for doing what I keep meaning to do ... but still check "threads I'm on" first thing each day"

Apart from being extremly helpful and entertaining this place is very addictive I find.

"Ah, just like normal then? Isn't bothered what you do or say, as long as it doesn't inconvenience him?"

See what you mean Grace and am v. grateful for the insight.

Ok, Im boring myself with my anxities now plus my eyes keep falling shut so am going to go get some sleep.

Huuuge thanks for keeping me company tonight!!!

IL - hope to see you again around MN.

A whole night without cats walking on my pillow or asking to be fed at 4.30 am.

Worth the price of the room alone

Sleep well. We'll be here tomorrow x

:) :) night! x

Aah, great to know I can come back tomorrow and witter some more :)

sleep well see you tomorrow

Been out doing that RL thing I've heard so much about, but glad you've had the lovely women on here to lend a hand.

Bless you in your hotel with no whining ex-P or mewing cats. First good night's sleep in ages I expect.

FWIW DH's verdict on the text reply is that "the chap's brain is beyond addled..."

bounces in like a human tigger, puts out chocolate croissants and coffee/tea for everyone

That nights sleep is just what I needed. Feel so refreshed I've started thinking about me properly rather than just him him him.

Thanks for the inspired wine mobile elephants. Had to take it down at 3 am as it was making too many clanging noises

Still thinking on what you whispered by the way katisha.

Off to get some breakfast myself now.

Oh hoorah - chocolate croissants!

I loved the image of Bibi soundly asleep under the slowly rotating mini-bottles!

Just jotter blotting again so do ignore me.

A few insights from my hotel stay:

To make life easier for myself and an all round more pleasant experience:

*Go hom tonight and tell the master of no effort to start packing his bags.

*Give notice on current house, find place with at least one catflap to cut down on me constantly being woken by demanding cats.

*Find a place with above said cat entrance/exit and a bathroom with a DECENT shower that doesn't just dribble out three lukewarm drops at a time.

*Buy a car that's a) my own and b) doesn't have a multitude of little 'niggles' that all cost a fortune to fix. Leaking seals around the doors means I get to defrost the doors, the lock, the inside of the windscreen as well as the outside before every journey in the winter. When it's not freezing I'm sat in a puddle. Great!! Get rid of the damn thing.

Others to be added as I think of them.

Going to go home tonight mainly because I really miss the kitties (haven't missed the Captain at all)

Will have to be much much firmer about him moving out. Decamp to friends house after latest 'chat'

Excellent plan - especially the way you have remembered there is more to life than living it the way you have lived it with him. Wise women say: better shower, better cat access, better life.

Car's not a renault clio is it? They leak like a bloody sieve so don't think about buying one!

Nope, it's a sporty two seater Toyota MR2. Incredibly reliable engine etc but 'leaks like a sieve' as you so eloquently put it Elephants!

Thanks for the warning re. the Clio.

Hey but at least now you've made the decision, you can start house-shopping. Local paper?

Still got to go 'money shopping' as well Elephants :)

Oh well, if I let the universe know I'm ready for new things by starting to clear out the old it might all fall into place :)

ebay the x-box?

or how about selling the TV?

bet you never want to see the bloody thing again.

Playstation but will fetch a similar amount I expect!!

I'm keeping the TV, it's a nice biggish slim one that I had to work my butt off to afford.

The things I did, it was horrible, you weren't there man

I very much expect that Cap'n will conveniently re-remember the day we bought it though. In his version he will have paid half for it.

Funny how his memory works in those instances, wouldn't be the first time.

Can see myself having to double pay for things just to get shot of him.....sigh.

No you don't - remember above all he is a lazy arse. Pack the things that are yours, put them in the car, and if he complains, tell him you'll wait for the summons to court.

HAs the sister responded to you at all?

Funnily enough have just had a text from her about 5 mins ago.

Says she's sorry to hear it but can imagine why I want out.

Her and Cap'n used to be very close but drifted apart a bit when her children arrived (12, 10 and 3 now)

He used to tell me he didn't want to have too much to do with his nieces and nephews in case they came to 'rely' on him.

Wish I'd dumped him then since I think that was a twattish thing to say even to this day.

Also, she knows exactly what he's like. Last time we were round there I was having a bit of a moan about him and she said 'he's angry and snappy like our mum and has a negative outlook like our dad. 'What a combination, I feel for you'

Says it all really.

All adds to the "you are doing the right thing" vibe.

She sounds nice. Am at the comment re: nieces and nephews relying on him. Who the hell does he think he is? And who the hell would not want to be "taken for granted" by their own flesh and blood in the form of small children. That is just weird.

THANK GOD you did not have children with him, is all I can say.

Yes - definitely a symptom of the wider malaise...

Yes, his sister is very nice. And ends up continually heartbroken because she loves him and so do the children but they don't have an uncle they can see regularly because he's an idiot.

I'd planned to do my 'famous' chilli and take it round to hers when Cap'n had his last holiday (our place is full of breakables and deathly dull for children)

Had the first batch all cooked and poised to do the second. Then we couldn't go because his niece had just had a birthday which he'd ignored.

He didn't want to go because his sister was bound to bring up his birthday tardiness in conversation at some point. Errr, yes and with good reason.

I'm sorry, none of this matters anymore now just feels good to get it out of the festering angry corner in my mind :)

Dear oh dear he really is the master of avoidance isn't he!
Breathtaking!

Funny you say that about birthdays - was just thinking as you lovingly enumerated their ages, that I bet he wouldn't have any idea how old they were. You're more of an auntie to them than he is an uncle.

Jealous of the "famous" chilli - do you do a veggie version?