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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It's all about him

1000 replies

BibiBlocksberg · 07/11/2010 12:29

Can't believe I'm going to even talk about this without namechange but need to know I'm not imagining things. So, dp and I were laughing at the cat who was all snuggled into him this morning and started purring loudly when started to stroke and fuss her. Cue us laughing about how much she's enjoying being fussed.

Dp turns round to me and says 'I haven't been fussed in ages (in little boy voice) meaning sex of course.

We haven't had sex coming on for about a year now which is my fault since I have totally gone off it. Any attempts to talk about it have failed since he refuses to take on board some of the things I don't like/reasons I feel I've gone off the idea completely.

Have talked to gp 4 times now re no libido but other than swapping brands of the pill they don't know what could be causing it so am now stuck for ideas.

Anyway am just absolutely livid since it always seems to be about him him him in the bedroom. That comment earlier just made me so angry. Not 'we haven't done anything for ages, do you feel like it etc, no just He hasn't had it for ages.

All topped off with a wobbling bottom lip face and lots of sighing when i went to make a cup of coffee.

Just so tired of it all being my fault really, thanks for reading this ramble.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 08/12/2010 20:24

stop second-guessing him

don't overthink it

don't apply your own logical thinking to his headspace, you are giving him too much credit

if he was that emotionally-aware, you would not be in the situation you are in right now

ItalianLady · 08/12/2010 20:25
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 08/12/2010 20:28

"I shouldn't play myself again,
I should just be my own best friend,
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men"

Amy says it all really.

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 08/12/2010 20:28

Don't know whats more upsetting, you guys agreeing it's something the childminder would text or the fact I considered it to be quite acceptable :( :(

What sort of response would you expect then if this was you and your DP/DH (for the sake of my education anyway, cos I don't have a clue)

There's nothing he can do or say to my saying am staying away though is there?

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 08/12/2010 20:29

IL, my advice is just mine, not necessarily better. You have been fab on this thread...have a nice break x

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 08/12/2010 20:33

Oh no, I've worn out ItalianLady with my constant demands for replies :) :)

Thank you so much for all of your time and thought though, you'll never know how much you helped me!

Speak to you when I've met the three men of my dreams Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 08/12/2010 20:34

Think I'll marry Nigel Slater anyway simply for the way he cooks.....

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 08/12/2010 20:35

More emotion maybe, bibi ?

Just more about you ...are you ok, the cats are ok, I love you, when can we talk again, I miss you

Although I said nothing good could come of you communicating tonight, I still would have expected him to at least try harder and then back down.

I don't do "games" though, so in some way just be thankfu he didn't put you through another emotional wringer

bloomingnora · 08/12/2010 20:38

Something like "I love you and I miss you. Please come home to me as soon as you can. Stay safe my darling. You are more precious to me than anything else on this earth, I have sold the Xbox and I will be waiting for you when you are ready to talk" etc. I would probably get something more like what you did. DH says that he would be really scared of me by this point and frightened to upset me further! he reckons your ex is trying to do as you say so as not to annoy you. I reckon that sometimes you should sieze the day and have some balls.

bloomingnora · 08/12/2010 20:45

I would love to know what he is doing right now. I bet very large sums of money that he is playing on the xbox and having a smoke and that he has forgotten to feed the cats or empty their tray.

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 08/12/2010 20:47

That's really interesting AF & bloomingnora thx.

Think I've been so 'bloked' (new word alert) over the years that I just don't think in terms of what I would have liked to have seen.

Know where you're coming from now though.

He never was a chatter on text or otherwise though. The amount of times I've complained he didn't reply to a text I've sent only to hear 'I didn't have time'or why? did you ask me a direct question? If not, no need to reply.

Why are some men people so greedy? Take take take take take take take take take take take take take ad nauseam when all they have to do is voluntarily give (time, emotion, effort) occasionally Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 08/12/2010 20:51

"I bet very large sums of money that he is playing on the xbox and having a smoke and that he has forgotten to feed the cats or empty their tray"

Oh jee (sp?) of little faith, tut tut. You've obviously forgotten that he's given up the weed forever bloomingnora. Tsk! :)

I would bet the same sums of money that he is on the PS3 and smoking.

The cats will have been fed but there will be dirty bowls from two meals ago all sitting in a row on their feeding mat.

As per usual......

OP posts:
ItalianLady · 08/12/2010 20:54

AF - thank you Smile.

Bibi - you haven't worn me out. Just don't feel MN is the best place for me atm.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 08/12/2010 21:02

you ok, IL ?

bloomingnora · 08/12/2010 21:03

Ah yes, that had slipped my mind Bibi.... Maybe he is knitting you a jumper to say sorry?

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 08/12/2010 21:04

Yes, was just asking that myself IL

OP posts:
ItalianLady · 08/12/2010 21:04

I feel it is time for a break when someone posts something and it gets to me tbh and I am not feeling the anonymity. Wouldn't be so bad if they said are you X but making a comment which makes me feel they know me in another name just makes me feel vulnerable tbh.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 08/12/2010 21:08

IL, was it me who did that? I asked somebody a question tonight, asking if they had posted about something before.

I recognised a scenario, people often do. It isn't meant to out anyone though.

If it was me, don't say anything but pm me. x

ItalianLady · 08/12/2010 21:09

No, not you AF.

GraceAwayInAManger · 08/12/2010 21:09

Bye, ItalianLady, and a high-five for doing what I keep meaning to do ... but still check "threads I'm on" first thing each day Blush

Bibi, you wrote: I am convinced he is doing everything he can not to have a problem with anything I choose to do ... so that I'll agree to stay with him.
Ah, just like normal then? Isn't bothered what you do or say, as long as it doesn't inconvenience him?

Honestly, he sounds like a complete spud.

Glad you've decided to take a night or two out for yourself!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 08/12/2010 21:13

ok, IL

have just realised how up my own arse that must have looked, but felt horrified for a moment I might have made someone feel so unsettled and worried

ItalianLady · 08/12/2010 21:16

I have never known you to be up your own arse, AF, or to make anyone unsettled or worried on purpose.

Doha · 08/12/2010 21:20

Respect your decision IL but please come back when you feel you are strong enough.
We will miss you

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 08/12/2010 21:22

Thanks, IL.

ItalianLady · 08/12/2010 21:22

SmileBlush

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