It's all about him

[BibiBlocksberg]

Can't believe I'm going to even talk about this without namechange but need to know I'm not imagining things. So, dp and I were laughing at the cat who was all snuggled into him this morning and started purring loudly when started to stroke and fuss her. Cue us laughing about how much she's enjoying being fussed.

Dp turns round to me and says 'I haven't been fussed in ages (in little boy voice) meaning sex of course.

We haven't had sex coming on for about a year now which is my fault since I have totally gone off it. Any attempts to talk about it have failed since he refuses to take on board some of the things I don't like/reasons I feel I've gone off the idea completely.

Have talked to gp 4 times now re no libido but other than swapping brands of the pill they don't know what could be causing it so am now stuck for ideas.

Anyway am just absolutely livid since it always seems to be about him him him in the bedroom. That comment earlier just made me so angry. Not 'we haven't done anything for ages, do you feel like it etc, no just He hasn't had it for ages.

All topped off with a wobbling bottom lip face and lots of sighing when i went to make a cup of coffee.

Just so tired of it all being my fault really, thanks for reading this ramble.

Am off this instance Italian.

No point in waiting for him, will go home, get stuff and go straight to hotel.

Speak to you all later. I AM QUAKING in my non-existent boots here!!

Bibi all change is difficult, even when it's for the better.
Tis natural that you should have mixed feelings at this point.
But you are so doing the right thing.

Glad you can convene Bibi's Bingo Club via wi-fi tonight.

Good luck!

Made it! Checked in, showered, comfy clothes on and small picnic of favourite foods on the go :)

All the way round the supermarket I kept thinking 'what the hell are you doing - a hotel? you are flippin crazy, just go home'!

Now I'm here I'm loving it, so relaxing. No sounds of gunfire coming from the tv from some stupid war game, only myself to please. Great!!!

DP wasn't home yet when I collected my things so didn't have to have any kind of confrontation there.

He will be back soon though and will twig I've gone somewhere by the absence of some of my things.

Not looking forward to the conversation :(

Enjoy the peace while it lasts. This is how the rest of your life could be--calm and peaceful...

Did you get a chance to speak to your landlady?
How long are you checked into the hotel for..

Keep your chin up you're doing great so far.
Really proud of you.
will be ready for a game of bingo later if needed.

Well done. Hope you manage to relax before/after you have the conversation.

Sounds lovely. How many nights are you there for?

Just booked in for tonight to start with but can easily book tomorrow as well if need be.

Have left message with landlady, it usually takes her a day or two to respond.

Sent a text to DP sister to let her know we're splitting up and to please contact her brother as often as she can to help him.

No point in talking to his mother she's never really spoken to me properly and am sure sister will tell his mother anyway.

After my initial euphoria I've just gone to pot now, feel really alone here and upset. That didn't take long..... :(

Feeling upset is part of the process.

You have a whole bed to yourself, will get breakfast made for you and you don't have to answer your phone to him if you don't want too.

It will get easier. It would be harder for you to drag this out for another few months and then have to deal with the upset.

Just think in a few months time it will all be behind you and you'll be enjoying your new life.

You're doing really well.

I'm in no state to answer the phone to him right now anyway.

I will let him know I'm ok though when I'm ready.

Oh god, feel so lonely, really don't understand it since I've been alone for the last 10 years anyway.

But, as you say IL, being upset is inevitable. Breakfast made for me - forgot about that :)

Talking here helps a lot though, thank you!

Congrats on your nice & diplomatic message to DP's sister, Bibi :)

I know, I've quite often stayed in hotels at difficult times - I love hotels! I always have a funny hour or two in the evening, much as you've described. I am aware, though, that the oddness comes from some idea of what I "should" be feeling about paying for a night's refuge from my ishoos ... poor, sad, lonely Grace, yada, yada.

I find it soon wears off as I snuggle on the freshly-ironed bed with a film and a bottle of wine, and/or settle into a corner couch at the bar, with a book and a smile at the barman. Life could be a lot worse :)

As Doha says: This is how the rest of your life could be--calm and peaceful...
... self-indulgent, please-yourself (and cats), friends round for relaxing times (without a war-zone soundtrack) ... early night, late nights, only your own knickers to wash ...

Have a lovely long soak in the bath.

See the hotel stay as punctuation - a hyphen between the old lide and the new, or a decompression chamber or something.

"freshly-ironed bed with a film and a bottle of wine"

First glass of wine has just kicked in and is acting as a good 'drier' upper of tears :)

I love hotels as well, no drudgery or responsibility for a little while.

Am amazed I've actually gone and DONE something however little. Feels so daring at the moment.

By the time I've been free and single for a few months I probably won't believe I ever thought that :)

Cannot believe I let me world shrink to such a small size!!

Have you eaten properly? Make sure you are looking after yourself physically as well as mentally. Can you get to the gym or go for a run to burn off some rage sometime soon? Endorphins! You need them!

It's okay to feel a bit down and sad- l would be more worried if you were not.
You are grieving for what could have been but in a while you will be excited and what can and will be.
Just now you are is strange surroundings without your normal home comforts and it is a shame you have had to go to a hotel to make "the Captain" (keep going to say pugwash) see that you are serious.
But you have made the first step, you have taken action and the ball is rolling.
You have made enormous steps today which is brilliant, you now just to stay strong when the phone rings, and it will, but only answer when you feel strong enough to do so.

Aim for the new year. A fresh start with your cat in your own home, surrounded by people who truely love you, watching what you want on TV going to your warm comfy double bed on your own (at least for now ).
Today is the start of the rest of your life. We will all be here for a bit of hand holding, pom poms waving when needed.
You are NOT alone tonight, we are all with you

Yes, thanks nora, have stuffed myself on spicy chicken and baguette, dips etc. I do love buffet type foods.

Although running or the gym is a bit advanced for me atm :) Probably because I'm not angry yet, main feeling is still guilt for doing this to him

Pugwash made me laugh Doha! Just turned phone back on and he hasn't called yet, thank god.

Really strange but he's said to me every night since sunday 'i was worried you wouldn't come home' obviously he attaches some significance to me coming home or not.

Yeah, coz he'll have to "cook" again.

I nearly bought him garlic bread to go with the bolognese ingredients I know we've got in, Grace

Had to really really stop myself. Old habits eh :)

"he attaches some significance to me coming home or not "
I think that until tonight when you do not go home he probably didn't think you were serious and that he could talk you round Again.

Could it be that he hasn't noticed yet that you have taken some things away or do you think he is waiting for you to make the first contact.

Please don't take his calls this evening

No good will come of it

Just text him to tell him you are not under a bus and that you have no wish to talk this evening.

I second AF's advice.

That would suit me down to the ground AF.

Was planning on telling him AGAIN that it's over and he will have to move out if he can't afford to stay on.

Meh, don't know what to do for the best anymore.

He probably hasn't noticed the laptop is gone from the lounge actually Doha. Might think I'm just shopping for food.

Thirded.