It's all about him

[BibiBlocksberg]

Can't believe I'm going to even talk about this without namechange but need to know I'm not imagining things. So, dp and I were laughing at the cat who was all snuggled into him this morning and started purring loudly when started to stroke and fuss her. Cue us laughing about how much she's enjoying being fussed.

Dp turns round to me and says 'I haven't been fussed in ages (in little boy voice) meaning sex of course.

We haven't had sex coming on for about a year now which is my fault since I have totally gone off it. Any attempts to talk about it have failed since he refuses to take on board some of the things I don't like/reasons I feel I've gone off the idea completely.

Have talked to gp 4 times now re no libido but other than swapping brands of the pill they don't know what could be causing it so am now stuck for ideas.

Anyway am just absolutely livid since it always seems to be about him him him in the bedroom. That comment earlier just made me so angry. Not 'we haven't done anything for ages, do you feel like it etc, no just He hasn't had it for ages.

All topped off with a wobbling bottom lip face and lots of sighing when i went to make a cup of coffee.

Just so tired of it all being my fault really, thanks for reading this ramble.

I hope you were joking about you would have kissed and made up .

Come on Bibi. You have done the hard bit but it has dragged on too long now. Take a day off work if you can and start your new life. You need to be doing the moving out if he can't/won't as while you are still living in the same house and talking to him he will not get the message. He has no reason to make this easy for you as he does not want things to change.

You can do this!

Now that's what I call a plan!

Go Bibi ... Go Bibi ... Go Bibi!

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. Think ultimately you're right ItalianLady, I just need to put some distance between us for the very immediate term as otherwise my motivation will be ebbing away.

Also still need to find some money to move from somewhere. Went into my bank yesterday but got fobbed off with an answer which turns out to be wrong (in terms of arranging an overdraft) so need to start again with them today.

Getting lots of support from unexpected corners (friends I didn't know I had at work) this morning as well which is really nice :)

I suppose my Mrs Nice Guy personality towards others was going to pay off for me someday

great plan, I'm sure you can get a full house by this eve.

That karma has come back to, er, pat you on the head or something.

Bibi, you had me worried for a bit last night. I am so glad you are seeing this through. Good luck with today's plan!

Incidentally, this is your last month represented in smileys. You're currently hovering between five and six...

You are doing great, keep it up.

Just remember you have done nothing wrong.

OP - yes,I understand about the meal. Some men think it is enough, to show 'they care', to do that. It is a quick fix.

Didn't realise you were keeping a smiley graph for me nora, how kind :)

Haven't got time to take half day at work - it's absolutely manic again and there's only me doing my role so can't rely on anyone else taking over.

Anywho, I've arranged to leave at 2pm and am about to press 'book' and 'pay' on the hotel.

Slowly making progress. I hope to god Captain Sorry hasn't decided to stay off work today. That'd be all I need to have him sniffling around while I pack some stuff

Glad you like it!

If he sniffs and snivels while you are packing tell him to FUCK OFF. And if he doesn't, do it again and again until he does. Or get a t-shirt made with "FUCK OFF CAPTAIN SORRY" printed on it. You could have a matching hat.

Well done on booking the hotel.

If he is there just tell him you are going away for x amount of days and while you are away he needs to move out.

Haven't booked it yet, can't get enough time to look at the webpage properly.

Bastarding phones..........STOP RINGING!!!

Gah, could do without this stress as well.

And why oh why are my friends (not the work ones btw) all sounding incredulous when I told them this morning I have rejected his flowers and promises?

I've had 'oh, why?' and can't you leave after the weekend among some of the prize responses

Just as well I've got all of you backing me!!

Just read this whole thread. Well DONE Bibi. How amazing you are!

Your friends are probably scared at a change in your attitude (maybe they aren't happy either and are wondering if their relationships would stand up to examination? - pretty common at our age unfortunately)

Yes, maybe OhLittleTownofShirley.

At our age....36 is the new 26 didn't you know :)

(well, I'm 37, )

I think what I mean is that during the last few years, a lot of my friends have started to split up with their husbands/partners/whatever. I was a trailblazer as I split up with my husband when I was 30.

Anyway, what I mean is, that the relationship one had at 25, is often not the one you want at 35, and it can be very scary looking around at the people you know; seeing them splitting up, and wondering...Are we next? Am I actually HAPPY here?

IYKWIM?

Anyway. Keep going, you're doing the right thing, how nice it will be for you to be with a man a whining child?

Yes, OLTOS (he he the abbreviation looks like a name in itself doesn't it)

I know what you mean - I def. feel like a totally different person to when I met my now ex P at 27.

Well done for blazing the trail btw - hope you are very happy now though!

Go Bibi. You can do it!

Oh, EXCELLENT, Bibi!

Bee-Beeee
Is going to be free!
No more ho-ping
She'll learn to like groping.
She's going to find pleasure!
Coz she's got his measure,
He's a wimp, and a waste, and "it's all about me".
But she's seen the light, she's set herself free!
Go, Bibi, Go! Bibi be free!!

Have finally booked the hotel.

Looking forward to moving things along with 'Captain', a nice meal that I haven't had to cook and a peaceful nights sleep so how come I'm still feeling utterly sick and jittery and as if I'm being really horrible?

Asking myself out loud more than anything, sigh. Ten years of the same routine has obviously dissolved any backbone I ever had :)

Sorry, meant to say thanks for the excellent rhyme there Grace!!

Bibi - you'll get there. You have been together for 10 years and you must have cared for him at some point so it would be unlikely you will just be ok overnight.

Also, you're a nice person so you are thinking about his feelings. I bet he isn't thinking about yours though.

But you aren't being horrible. In fact, dragging it out for longer and giving him false hope that he'll be able to keep you captive would be crueller in the long run!

Love Grace's poem!

Yes, thanks for reminder malinkey. Am pleased to confirm that the hotel has free wi-fi so will be able to carry on with my scared witterings later - you lucky people you!!

Brilliant, well done you. I hope you're going to treat yourself to a rather gorgeous dinner, cooked from scratch by someone else, served by someone else, cleared away & washed up by someone else - and a decent bouquet of imaginatively-chosen flowers!

At the very least

Well done Bibi. How many nights are you staying in the hotel for?

Well done for booking the hotel.

What are you plans from now? Will you wait to see him or just go home and get your stuff and go?