It's all about him

[BibiBlocksberg]

Can't believe I'm going to even talk about this without namechange but need to know I'm not imagining things. So, dp and I were laughing at the cat who was all snuggled into him this morning and started purring loudly when started to stroke and fuss her. Cue us laughing about how much she's enjoying being fussed.

Dp turns round to me and says 'I haven't been fussed in ages (in little boy voice) meaning sex of course.

We haven't had sex coming on for about a year now which is my fault since I have totally gone off it. Any attempts to talk about it have failed since he refuses to take on board some of the things I don't like/reasons I feel I've gone off the idea completely.

Have talked to gp 4 times now re no libido but other than swapping brands of the pill they don't know what could be causing it so am now stuck for ideas.

Anyway am just absolutely livid since it always seems to be about him him him in the bedroom. That comment earlier just made me so angry. Not 'we haven't done anything for ages, do you feel like it etc, no just He hasn't had it for ages.

All topped off with a wobbling bottom lip face and lots of sighing when i went to make a cup of coffee.

Just so tired of it all being my fault really, thanks for reading this ramble.

as if, Grace

Well, I must say, that plan was even shitter than I imagined. Love the way he's not actually suggesting anything to positively make your life better, just a chance to his own life. Well, whoopeedoo.

Did you laugh in his face? Did you?

Seriously though, he's thought and thought and this is the best he can do. You are fifty times too nice and funny and kind for this ...mudheap of a man.

*chance = "change" btw

Gonna have to call in a favour from my friend santa for a wee loan of Rudloph and co. I will be flying down from snowbound Scotland to give you a swift kick and stearn talking to.
You CAN and WILL do this Bibi, you deseve a better relationship than this.

not even a proposal ?

that was the fucking worst round of bingo I ever had !

are they called "rounds" of bingo ?

game ?

bout ?

match ?

Bibi, it;s important that you remember this. THis man has repeatedly performed sexual acts on your body that you have asked him not to do. Every time you told him you didn't like these sexual acts, he acted like there was something wrong with you, to the point of sending you to a doctor to be reprogrammed into accepting whatever it was (TBH it is irrelevant whether this was sticking his cock up your arse without lube or just particularly soggy kissing, or even feathery-stroky massage which some people enjoy, but you happen not to enjoy - you told him to stop and he didn't stop).
THIS IS NOT A MAN WHO LOVES YOU. He thinks you exist for his benefit and all he has to do is push the right buttons on you for normal service to resume.

Maybe when he's got the weed out of his system he'll be able to summon up the energy for the proposal!

malinkey

SGB is right - I had forgotten that poor Bibi had been to the doctor was it 4 times?

Unfortunately the doctor didn't tell her that she might not fancy sex because the person she could have sex with is not interested in giving her a nice time, only himself. And doesn't listen to her. And ignores her 99% of the time.

BibiBlocksberg Sun 07-Nov-10 14:55:20
We've had a make or break situation about 4 years ago Writer.

His attitude then and now is that theres nothing he can do if I'm unhappy and if I want to leave he can't stop me.

All of this is said in a defeatist shoulder slumped what can I do way not aggressive btw.

Leaves me feeling boxed in tbh like I'm being told if you have a problem you sort it and don't bother me with it.

If only I'd known about mm back then I might have actually left then. . . . .

Sorry, I feel it is rather bad form to quote yyour posts back at you but please at least read this one and don't stay for another four years.

Ah yes but you see all of the ignoring etc was all to do with the evil weed.

That's what done it m'lord :)

Now that he's free of that he will be an all round good egg.

Just keeps saying I'm sorry - I said to him he can't have possibly thought I was happy for all those years.

He was deluding himself he says and is ever so grateful to me for opening his eyes to the problem.

He hopes in time to make me fall in love with him again.

Honestly I've never heard anything like this in my life!!

What did you say?

You a Beatles fan, Bibi? Know the song ? (lyrics)

That's what's happening here - you can see straight through it. Bet an earlier edition Bibi would have fallen for it? But not you. For you are new, improved, X-ray eyed Bibi.

yes, but what was your response ?

^He was deluding himself he says and is ever so grateful to me for opening his eyes to the problem.

He hopes in time to make me fall in love with him again.^

Oh, I REALLY need one of those rolling-around grinning ROFL smilies!

D'you think he could possibly "make" you fall in love with him - again - knowing what lies around the corner? Faster than you can fall back in love with yourself, enjoying lots of other people's attempts to 'make' you fall in love with them?

Hmm, let's see ... Old game v new stuff ...
... tricky! [hwink]

She laughed out loud and rushed from the room crying "wait til I tell MN this!" of course, AF.

No, actually Bibi, what did you say?

Can you ask him to leave tonight?

grrr, somebody's blown their regular expressions, mumsnet!!!
[sticky-out-tongue]

Stamping foot in exasperation.

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM BIBI

, Grace?

no, actually, I blew my festive event

I told him I don't believe him, that I think he's being very manipulative (that produced more red eyes and a flurry of sorry's) and then I copped out and said I'm too tired to think about it any more tonight.

- well I AM (stamps foot in childish manner)

But the good news is that I don't have to think about it at all for the rest of the week (lucky me!)

(as you were)

Bibi, wassup?

If you're making out on the sofa, I hope that's a euphemism for packing his bag!

do you absolutely have to sleep next to him tonight?

does he have family in the area?

What about spending the night at your nice friend's house?

Of course then it will be my birthday and he's probably counting on me accepting presents from him and then feeling too guilty to leave.

I did say lots of other stuff earlier about how he had not chosen to listen to a word I said since Sunday etc but it's like being forced to knife a puppy here!!

The red eyes, the tiny voice, the fear in his eyes and so on.

I'm going to have to go ballistic on him til he finally gets the message aren't I?

I think actions will speak louder than words.
Tomorrow you start the plans to change the living arrangements. Have you rung landlady yet?

Sorry can't keep up - in bibi land it's a bit late to start going to town on him and chucking him out tonight.

Sorry all am aware you can see much more clearly what he's doing than me at the moment.

Need a sec to catch up :)

I'll put my money on that you'll waver and when push comes to shove you'll take the easy option and stay with him - and continue to accept him the way he is. Already seeing the signs of it and you haven't actually done anything about leaving except talk about it on MN and now you're waiting for him to talk you around. I know I'm sounding harsh! Hope I'm so wrong though...and you find the balls to actually DO something about your situation