It's all about him

[BibiBlocksberg]

Can't believe I'm going to even talk about this without namechange but need to know I'm not imagining things. So, dp and I were laughing at the cat who was all snuggled into him this morning and started purring loudly when started to stroke and fuss her. Cue us laughing about how much she's enjoying being fussed.

Dp turns round to me and says 'I haven't been fussed in ages (in little boy voice) meaning sex of course.

We haven't had sex coming on for about a year now which is my fault since I have totally gone off it. Any attempts to talk about it have failed since he refuses to take on board some of the things I don't like/reasons I feel I've gone off the idea completely.

Have talked to gp 4 times now re no libido but other than swapping brands of the pill they don't know what could be causing it so am now stuck for ideas.

Anyway am just absolutely livid since it always seems to be about him him him in the bedroom. That comment earlier just made me so angry. Not 'we haven't done anything for ages, do you feel like it etc, no just He hasn't had it for ages.

All topped off with a wobbling bottom lip face and lots of sighing when i went to make a cup of coffee.

Just so tired of it all being my fault really, thanks for reading this ramble.

OP, yes, I could; as you can tell, I am pretty raw atm and it has happened, the ending, many times.

It is your life and you are not getting what you need/want from it, and from what you have said, he hasn't shown he particularly cares about changing things. It takes two to care about it.

Bibi - I wouldn't hearken too much to the pothead at work

He's just sticking up for a brother-in-weed.

As an aside, we were watching something last night where a character was smoking, and DP said "gah, I can't stand weed!" - think he was a bit confused as to why I hugged him at that point!

Yes, that's exactly what I meant - what Elephants just said.

I did NOT mean don't post here just that you sound like you could really benefit from talking about your situation.

Which sounds horrible tbh and not your fault to boot!!

'Brother in Weed' - I love it.

Might write some lyrics around that and set it to the tune of Dire Straits Brother's in Arms :) :)

Well, that's me amused for a while again :)

Bibi,you mentioned bruised arms. Is this fellow abusive to you?

I hope he gets the message now that he needs to exit, stage left, stage right, his choice.

Bibi I have just read the whole thread and good for you!! You have done the RIGHT thing. I ended a 9-year relationship two years ago this month and it was the best thing I ever did. My ex-P was dependent on me financially, emotionally, and certainly on a day to day basis to keep the household running. I fantasised about ending it for years before I did, and then agonised for months before I finally took the plunge. And he cried, and told me he couldn't live without me, and I was his life, and he would change. Well, I'd given him every opportunity to change and just had to stay strong and tell him, too little, too late.

I'm now married to the loveliest man I could have ever hoped for, who listens to me and actually acts on things when I ask him to. I have to keep pinching myself that he's real. And we have a beautiful DD.

Of course I feel I should have left ex-P years ago, and maybe I should, but if I had then I wouldn't have met DH and wouldn't have DD and so I'm happy that things have worked out for me the way they should.

And things will work out for you - you'll see! Life will be so much better without this millstone around your neck. I promise.

I felt sad, sad, sad solidly for weeks after I'd done it - lost loads of weight (!) - but the sadness does pass I promise that too and you will feel happy again.

HansieMom - the bruising was caused by myself the other night. I couldn't stop laughing when DP asked me if I def. wanted to split so was pinching myself in an effort not to grin and laugh.

Bit awful that, giving someone the 'heave-ho' while grinning from ear to ear

MincePiesForTea - that's really good to hear, thank you for sharing that. I have a feeling it's all crocodile 'oh god what about me type' flapping from him atm.

Just felt quite sad this am. Back to feeling sick now at the thought of another evening with him sighing and stomping and letting me know 'it's not fair' :(

Still, my friend around the corner has said I can escape to hers any time I need to.

Could do with going to bed as didn't sleep well last night but can't relax with x-DP on the prowl around the house.

Sorry for the woe is me there, I do realise I created this situation myself :)

"after I'd done it - lost loads of weight (!) "

Must say I AM looking forward to being thin again enormously. I'm always so skinny when I'm single with no man around to whinge about having a 'proper' dinner!!

Supernoodles and bargain basement wine - I'm on my way back to you :) :)

you are funny, Bibi

Why thank you AF - that means a lot coming from comedic royalty such as yourself!!

(no sarcasm in that compliment btw!)

I like this thread - please do take your friend up on your offer (aren't you the one who said she had hardly any friends? sounds like you have some gooduns) and if necessary go there later. Have you spoken to your landlady yet? You don't want to be living like this for long.

AF - any tips on what Bibi should do next?

(am now thinking supernoodles for tea...)

what Bibi should do next ?

it would be a bit wanky of me to say exactly because I don't know her exact circumstances (I have also never been a tenant so don't know how it works)

what I would say though, is that Bibi knows what she has to do

she has been planning it in her heads for years, so the path (if rather difficult, and torturous for a while) should be clear

she needs to put distance, physical distance between them or the situation will drift back to where it was before, and all this upset will have been for nothing

Bibi knows how to do that, I think. Give notice on the tenancy if he won't move out. Move out when the tenancy is up. What he does is completely up to him

or is that too simplistic ?

her heads ?

I had gammon steak and bbq beef supernoodles for tea last night

it was yummy

wowee

and sprouts

I love sprouts

HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP

He's bought me roses, cooked dinner and wants to talk to me after we've eaten.

Can't say too much as he's about to bring food out but am really confused now.

First reaction was anger and told him flowers won't change anything.

Arrrggghh - what do I do? Feel like I owe it to him to listen to his 'plan'

That should be your reaction.

Too little, too late.

Oh dear, I've been following your thread and cheering (quietly) from the sidelines. You're doing so well. Don't be thrown by this too little, too late nonsense.

Would you consider buying flowers and making dinner for someone who's just dumped you? No, it's bonkers! And actually quite insensitive - he's just not listening to you.

I'm sure this was on your bingo card checklist, no?

Stand your ground - we're all behind you!

No no no no no no no no no no

Why would flowers and a meal make you change your mind and question yourself??

You owe him nothing.

I sense a proposal coming up.

Don't listen to his plan. You don't owe it to him.

He must think you are a really dumb bunny if flowers and a meal will work.

You are most certainly not!

(Don't make us drive round to yours and stuff the roses up his....)

yes i nominated marriage ideas and dinner cooking good-doing for the bingo card. Yes yes yes I did. And now he is doing it.

Up to you to listen or not, but don't melt. I know you won't, it wouldn't be like the big strong Bibi we all know and love

If he wants to get married now, what he really means is he wants it to be harder for you to leave him.

Look at it this way :

"let's share finances" - then I can get my hands on your cash, and it will make it that much harder for you to leave me

"let's think about having kids" - I will get to be allowed to have sex with you again, and it will make it a million times harder for you to leave me

"let's get married" - then I get financial advantages as above, you will have limited your sexual options to me or nothing, and you will actually have to go through an extensive legal process in order to officially leave me.

All nice things in a decent relationship become bad things here.