It's all about him

[BibiBlocksberg]

Can't believe I'm going to even talk about this without namechange but need to know I'm not imagining things. So, dp and I were laughing at the cat who was all snuggled into him this morning and started purring loudly when started to stroke and fuss her. Cue us laughing about how much she's enjoying being fussed.

Dp turns round to me and says 'I haven't been fussed in ages (in little boy voice) meaning sex of course.

We haven't had sex coming on for about a year now which is my fault since I have totally gone off it. Any attempts to talk about it have failed since he refuses to take on board some of the things I don't like/reasons I feel I've gone off the idea completely.

Have talked to gp 4 times now re no libido but other than swapping brands of the pill they don't know what could be causing it so am now stuck for ideas.

Anyway am just absolutely livid since it always seems to be about him him him in the bedroom. That comment earlier just made me so angry. Not 'we haven't done anything for ages, do you feel like it etc, no just He hasn't had it for ages.

All topped off with a wobbling bottom lip face and lots of sighing when i went to make a cup of coffee.

Just so tired of it all being my fault really, thanks for reading this ramble.

He he he. Thanks phipps :) will do.

How was your evening?

How is the dog?

Hello - thanks for asking. dog seemed fine but friend had started on the wine way before i got there at 8.

You know what it's like when one person has already had quite a bit to drink and then it's difficult for the other one to get a word in edgeways, it was like that.

Stayed for about an hour then came home.

Think I'll stick to MN - I get far more sensible answers that way

Too try. Sometimes .

Any plans on what you are going to do this week?

try true

Not sure yet re this week. Will be stressful at work as having windows replaced so will have the added joy of being freezing cold and shouting on the phone over the hammering and god knows what else.

Can you tell I'm looking forward to it

I do have plans to put my classic moped up for sale finally. it's something I've been meaning to do for years anyway and it will raise some money towards a deposit

Then there's another part of me that just wants to drop this whole subject, forget all I've said and never mention it again.

Weird, huh?

It's lucky you're not letting me forget thanks to your daily question(s) Phipps!

It isn't weird to want things to go back to before when you thought they were easier but there is a reason you posted and why you are planning selling something that must mean something to you.

If I am stalking you, do say ,

He he he - a personal stalker, just what I always wanted :)

No not at all - just can't wrap my head around the fact that an Internet stranger ( you know what I mean) would put so much effort into talking to me.

Hi Bibi, sorry to interrupt, just wanted to quietly point something out.....

You said "I just seem to have this unstoppable urge to make the life of the person I'm with as easy and pleasant as possible..."

whispers< the only person you are with for the rest of your life is you!

Good luck, lovely lady
x

bloomingnora - that is very true and food for thought for me!

Thanks for posting that :)

I have had some really great support on here and really appreciate how much anyone being there for you can be when you might not have anyone else.

Have you left the terrible man yet?
I hope so. He is terrible. You are not. Bloomingnora is very wise. x

Just seen your post happiestblonde. The words terrible man made me laugh for some reason. Think that's part of my problem really - I tend to see myself as blowing it all out of proportion and painting him as a bad guy undeservedly/

Think he is a bad guy somehow though. If only for me.

he's whiny

tries to impose sexual acts you don't enjoy

doesn't listen to you about what you want/don't want to happen to your body

is a cocklodger

and did I mention whiny?

@ Elephants.

Perhaps I ought to buy more cheese to help soak up all of that 'whine'

He's being a particularly giant arse atm.
Not sure whether it's just me being able to see/hear it for what it is or whether I'm desperately trying to find things to pick at.

I would say - who cares?

Did you watch that Jarvis video yet? "Don't let him waste your time!"

The only way he could become a useful and positive part of your life, is if a kindly fairy godmother came down and changed him into a cat, then his lazyness and desire for "fussing" would be acceptable/normal.

oh and good thinking re: cheese.

Can you keep him in a cooler rather than your bed?

That would work out quite well if he could go ahead and turn into a cat.

I'd love him a whole lot more if he was soft and furry and his whingeing turned into meows

Have to say not watched the Jarvis video but read the lyrics. Thought 'how true' then pretended it didn't apply to me

It's just difficult really, I guess I AM being a bit of a bitch atm. Keep shouting at him for what seems like no reason and he looks all perplexed and says 'WHAT is going on'?

Never takes it any further though. If the situation was reversed I would have sat him down and seriously asked him what his problem is. I just turned that round a treat didn't I - told you I'm being a bitch.

While I'm being uber bitchy I have an irresistible urge to make a list of petty complaints re. him so can see it outside of my head, here goes:
*

*Has no wishes, dreams or desires of his own. Other than playing games and smoking pot two items which he always manages to make an effort/time for.

• Has nothing that he wants to do in the future, can't even see a future.

• Since he has no future in sight doesn't want to discuss it with me especially 'scary' things such as having children.

• Really hates making plans, even to the point of planning too many dinners in advance.

• Is happy enough for me to make plans for both of us i.e holiday, meeting family, meals out, days out etc etc. Then comes along as if under duress with face like slapped arse.When told he doesn't have to come with says 'but you'll go on at me later saying I should have come with you'

• Thinks that a great conversation consists of him telling me all about his current exploits in Playstation land. Says things like 'yes, I've driven a Ferrari' when questioned as to the date of that exciting event informed me 'on the Playstation of course'

• Always always always has an illness or other ranging from a bad back to a sore throat, a sore wrist, blisters where his shoes were rubbing him in the week or he's simply exhausted. All delivered in whiney tone with accusatory 'you don't care do you'
  Bingo, but still pretend to out of politeness.

• Sounds aggressive/does things in an aggressive sounding way 90% of the time. Huffs, sighs, stomps, shouts FFS a lot when spending time in the kitchen. When asked to keep it down a bit tells me 'Im just moving quickly' Most people in his life described in incredibly derogetory ways (bitch, wanker, tosser, idiot, twat, etc etc)

• Is incredibly tight with his own money but is happy enough for me to spend mine on him.

• Is a bottomless pit for support, encouragement, praise, compliments. Very tight with giving them back. Even when I gave up smoking 7mths ago. Without fail manages to say something unkind and upsetting when asked 'how do I look in these new Jeans, top, shoes, haircut.

• Is unable to stop at the Supermarket on way home from work even though whichever direction he approaches home he is within a 1/2 mile radius of the supermarket. Prefers to come home and piss about for two hours then start asking 'what do you fancy' at 8.30pm at night - when I'm ready to eat my own foot through hunger. Reason given is that his works car is not for private use. No it isn't, but going to Blockbuster's in it isn't work either. Seems to manage that fine.

• Insists on piling every dish and oven tray he's used into the sink even though he knows it drives me potty since I can't get to the taps to rinse cat food bowls in the morning. Told me - if it bothers me then I should move the dishes out of the sink again. FFS!!! how about you leave them on the cooker as I've asked you (nicely) to do about 700 times?????

• Says something in an argument then tells me with absolute certainty 'i never said that' Gets incredibly arsey and shoutey if I push the point and insist that he did say 'that'.

• Tells me to 'shut up' and to stop being ridiculous if he doesn't like what I'm saying during an argument, with the occasional F-off thrown in too.

• Walks away when I'm talking. Tells me I'm not telling him anything and that I don't make sense.

• Stares at TV and changes channel when I'm trying to talk to him.

• Is mostly absorbed in his game or the tv. If I say something to him and he doesn't answer it's because I 'whisper' or 'you must make sure you're facing me directly when talking to me' or third choice 'you should always check that I'm listening'

• Can't be bothered to get involved with most household decisions but has plenty to say about the decisions I've made afterwards. 'You shouldn't have said that, you should have done so and so' etc.

• Refuses to get the concept of 'please shut the connecting door' when smoking with the back door open. House is tiny and lounge gets freezing with connecting door open. Slams door moodily when asked to close it for the 1100th time.

Oh dear, just read that back - he's not the only one being a pain in this relationship is he? I really AM a petty B

Sorry for loooong list - someone on here said since it's my thread I can post what I like. So I did :)

heh, that was me I think :)

Well, you can. And none of those are the crime of the century as you know. But what does seem to come through is:

• doesn't listen or - more likely - listens but ignores you constantly

• disregard for your feelings, ranging from insulting you to freezing you

• lazy and shirks responsibility (shopping, decisions etc)

• critical, expects loads from you and nothing from himself.

Read it back, he sounds like a moody teenage son. Not sexy. You also hinted earlier that he pressured you into sexual stuff that you didn't like. Totally understand if you don't want to say more, but that's another important thing and obviously has an impact on your current relationship.

Just tell him it is over.

NOTHING PETTY

He is awful, seriously bad. One of those things would push me over the edge - playstations and pot are serious deal breakers, let alone selfishness, aggression, lack of ambition...

Why are you still with him?

I read your list with a mixture of and . He's a selfish, immature idiot who's behaving in a way which is at best frustrating, and at worst, downright abusive. No wonder you feel contempt and resentment towards him.

I wish for you that you had better RL support, keep talking to us. You're at the start of a long journey, but you will get there.

Are you anywhere near London? If so I am going to march over, pick you up and lock you in my spare room until you see sense and dump this idiot.

Thanks all (again!) was really embarrassed about my list but am sitting with steam coming out of my ears right now so sneaked back here.

It's not going to take much more to push me over the edge and finally saying 'that's it'

Came home tonight at 6.15 to find dp glued to the playstation surrounded by all the rubbish from the weekend. He'd finished work at 4.30 (can set his own hours to a degree)

It makes me feel like I live with a bloody schoolboy - even his lunchbag is just casually thrown on the side.

Literally walks in, gets changed, feeds the cats and then straight to gameland.

I don't expect him to scrub the place from top to bottom the minute he gets in but is it really too much to ask from a supposed adult that he tidy round the lounge, wash up the few bits from last nights dinner and run the Hoover round BEFORE playing???

Had to dash straight back out again to get catfood in which time he cooked dinner - still didn't wash up the last meal first so muffins here got to tackle that after eating.

He finally hoovered while i was still washing up then went to put Hoover away w/out doing the kitchen floor which was covered in breadcrumbs etc.

Now he can't understand why I'm arsey with him. Has gone straight back onto the playstation. How convenient for him!!!!!

I constantly get to feel like I'm spoiling his fun but for heavens sake, a bit of tidying and getting the dinner on aren't exactly earthshattering requests are they????

Muggins not muffins although I do resemble a muffin atm with all the non smoker weight I've gained :)