The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Vineyard.

[Mouseface]

Welcome to the Bus!

I'm Mouse and you'll find me snuggled sat at the back where it's warmest!

If you're sober, drinking, or somewhere between the two, you are more than welcome on board.

No judging, no cliquey groups and no closed minds here, oh no! Chances are, no matter how bad you may be feeling right now, one of the Brave Babes will have been there too!

So, come say hi.

And, to read the last thread and other journeys so far, follow this link

That is very true zany I didn't drink monday to thursday last week where normally every night is saturday night in my house.

I'm a bit cross with my friend at the minute as we are due to do our healthy start course this afternoon & she has just called to tell me her DS is unwell but she will "dope" him up & bring him along anyway.
FFS Littlelegs has only been feeling 100% for a day or so now & the last thing I need is her littley coughing his germs all over her

red I am having my long hair chopped off tomorrow. Would love to dye it a deep, dark red but I have the complexion of a dead golden retriever.

Thanks zany. I know that I should not be drinking at all - it doesn't take a genius to know that! However my drinking is much more 'controlled' than previously. But I know that I will evenutally have to give up again. I know that I am sort of getting away with it at the moment and I also know that eventually (maybe today, maybe in 3 months time) it will all go to hell.

sleepfairy Laughing at my desk re the dead golden retriever comment!

Thanks! It was SO hard to stop drinking yesterday, but about 3 pm i switched to herbal teas. Also on Mondays, DH works out of the house, (I work from home) so all too often I have finished my first bottle of wine by noon.

Not today. I have done the banking, bought some tulips for the garden, and am about to clean out the spare bedroom.

Today i am not drinking, and I (currently) feel strong.

I finally admitted to myself yesterday that there are times when i want DH to just bugger off cycling, or to meetings, or to anywhere so that I can just drink and drink. Do I love alcohol more than my family? All my behaviours point that way. It is time, - well time- for this to stop.

"Sometimes I envy others who are alone, they have no-one to hide from" - I'm afraid it doesn't work like that. Even alone, you still end up hiding.

Family well, thanks, Mouse, though wife is really NOT a woman who "enjoys" pregnancy ... Still, not long now.

I personally AM powerless and do not have a disease (as a disease is catching) but DO feel I have a (mental) illness that, when I'm not drinking, tells me that, somehow, this time will be different; and then, when I AM drinking, tells me that, as this time is bound to turn out the same, I may as well go for it.

Each to their own, though.

Maybe, no-one else to hide from then?

Mostly I get away with shaming myself without those important to me finding out so the guilt is my secret & I live alone with my guilt.

Which means my last post is nonsense

back at hopital with father today - less confused than yesterday, at least he got my name right today
Tomorrow off to the dentist with him to have two teeth pulled - that will be fun - especially as I should be in Glasgow at a meeting!! If I don't take him he is going to drive himself there and he shoudln't be on the road at all, he doesn't even know what feckin day it is most of the time!
Will look in on him tonight, check he's still breathing, then have got parents' night at 8.50!! Gonna be trouble there too and DS who is nearly nine and very articulate and bright, brought home spelling words including "bone" and "for" which he had to copy and COLOUR IN FFS. he could do that in P1!! Given that last week he was chuffed to have managed to spell "overenthusiastically", I do think a little more appropriate work from the school is required!!
Christ what a day and its only Monday!

Hope that everything goes OK today and tonight. Are you Scots then ma? I was born in Scotland and I am a proud Scot but we moved to England when I was 8-ish so the accent went overnight, grr.

Good afternoon BBs

Sounds like a mixed bag of a weekend for all the bus travellers.

Desire how are you feeling today? Come back and post It is so tough when you're struggling and all those around you seem to be on top of everything and coping. But you can see on this thread that everyone has major ups and downs, the nature of the beast I think. And what do you mean alone, you have us!!! I know we're not the same as an 'other half', but we're here for you (sending you a hug, don't care if it's not the done thing on MN!)

sleepfairy you totally hit the nail on the head for me. My drinking is mainly secret and hidden so I carry all the guilt myself. It doesn't make it any easier does it? When I break down and try to explain how I feel to DP, he doesn't understand because he doesn't know the extent of my drinking. Don't ask me why I won't admit to him, I just can't.

demented sorry you're having such a tough time with your poor dad, hope things go okay over the next few days x

JWN, your posts are upbeat even when things don't seem to be going so great I've noticed. I think you are a 'glass half full' kind of gal and your posts help me to think more positively about my decisions

Hello to everyone else. Mouse I have a dentist appointment this afternoon and I'm dreading it. It's just a routine check up but I always dread the sucking in of teeth (dentist) and tutting!

xx

opposite way for me Red - was born in England to Irish parents but moved to Scotland when I was about 6. Still have an English accent though after all these years!

You have done well to keep the accent ma! Like I said it went overnight for me!

3Steps - I do NOT envy your dental appointment. Good luck.

Ma - sorry you are having to juggle so much right now. x

Hello lovely mouse. How are you today?

well i seem to be being able to control it a bit better at the moment - I can stop happily at the moment after a couple of glasses of wine so that is something.

bianca that is the same place I am at at the moment. It does feel weird though.

Honestly Red?

I'm UTTERLY fucked off.

I want my son to stop vomiting.

I want him to be able to play without the worry that if he lies down to roll his cars across the floor, he'll be sick.

I want to be able to go out for the day, for half a day, for an hour with him, without him being hooked up to his feed set.

I want him to have a better quality of life.

I want him not to have tummy ache and choke on his own vomit daily.

But most of all, I want him to know that I will do this for as long as it takes.

I want him to know, that I won't fail him like his doctors do.

Ever.

Sorry not sure where that was hiding.

awww Mousie, I hope you get your "i wants" sometime soon.
And you can bet your furry Mouse butt that he knows the last bits and that to him you are the best mum in the world.

MOUSE sweetheart. Thank you so much for being so honest. I have no comprehension of how difficult things must be for you. Am trying not to cry at my desk. The sheer, raw honesty of your words has totally touched me. You give me (and all of us) such strength, I hope that you get some back x

Agree with what ma said.

Really feel for you Red must be so difficult. Are the doctors helping at all? Is this something your DS will have for a short while and will grow out of or is it ongoing? Sorry for all the questions, I'm newish to the thread

(zany did you mean mouse?)

......hello......please can I join ?

onthe welcome to you! There is always more room on the Battle Bus. Is there anything you would like to share at this point? (You can post as much or as little as you want. The important thing to remember is that no one will ever judge you.)

Of course you can onthe

Ignore my little outburst.

HI onthe welcome on board

Sorry Red yuor right I meant my past post to be to Mouse my brain won't work today