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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

please help me get over this man

293 replies

bees474 · 29/10/2010 19:07

Name changed for this.
I am in a mess over this man.
We've been friends for a couple of years. He's an ex colleague. I'm married.
Please don't judge- I have a very very difficult marriage and I had NOT looked at this man as any kind of OM ever prior to this week. I know this is wrong.
Nothing's happened between us except for one very intense conversation at the start of this week where he told me that he loved me, 'mind, body and soul' and said that he felt a massive attraction, wished we'd met ten years before or that there was a way we could be together, etc. But we didn't kiss, and we didn't arrange to meet again.
He texted the next day and has sent messages each day since but no reiteration of feelings etc or agreement to meet again.
He's in a new relationship- ie of a couple of dates and has dated her again since the evening with me.
My head is spinning.
He's just fucking about with me isn't he?
I need to mend things with dh and stop thinking about him.
Why has he done this to me? I didn't even think about him in this way prior to this week and now I can't stop thinking about him. What does it all mean? Why would a man behave like this?
I feel such a twat :(

OP posts:
onandup · 09/11/2010 20:35

Oh darling.

I've been there. I used to physically shake after just emailing him. I've never wanted anyone so much. I still shudder sometimes at the memory of him Blush

(Believe it or not, we never even had sex).

I even changed my washing powder to the same one as his so I could have a regular 'fix' of him.

It was so powerful. I so know where you're coming from. I really do.

But it led to such agonising pain.

That might be because I'm just the wrong sort of person to cope with it.

But he was such a bastard. Such a bastard.

And now I can't look myself in the eye. And I knew I wouldn't be able to.

If you have ANY doubts at all about your ability to keep secrets and/or cope with guilt, just walk away, sweetie.

Please.

MabelMay · 09/11/2010 20:36

bees i'm interested in your marriage - you say you think you're sex starved. What is the state of your sex life with your DH right now?
What is going wrong in your own marriage?
Undoubtedly this is at the root of it all, right?

MabelMay · 09/11/2010 20:37

oh god bees you just want a good shag with someone exciting. I totally understand.

But it's a short-term fix!

MabelMay · 09/11/2010 20:40

How can you get back on track?

Go and do some trampolining (!) or something similar. Honestly go for a run around the block - seriously a good sweaty bit of exercise is a very good temporary fix to get you out of the lust-love-addicted-state you're in right now. Can you do this?
If not put on some loud music and dance/sing - I know it sounds corny but really you just need to physically work some of this out of your system right now.

Well, it works for me.

bees474 · 09/11/2010 20:42

Mabel dh and I not sexually compatible and it was Ok for quite a few years but kids just killed it and it's been a year since we had sex. He not interested at all- nor me now (in him)
I need to leave the marriage, and this I know. It can't be fixed. But I am going to have to walk out and leave my children, and walk out with no money so that they can keep the house, and DH can stay living there with them. I work 12 hour days with a fair old commute either end 4 days a week, so I barely see dh and the kids anyway.
The OM is a sideshow, and a symptom. But god, I fancy him so much I think I might catch fire when I think of him... tbh he could have two heads and I'd feel the same, because he showed an interest in me

OP posts:
onandup · 09/11/2010 20:42

Go for a long walk.

Play a game with your kids.

Look at some family photos.

Go for a run.

Reground yourself.

bees474 · 09/11/2010 20:43

Mabel I do 5K each week, and sing very, very loud in the car. Sadly, it's all to tragic songs at the moment!

OP posts:
onandup · 09/11/2010 20:44

Relate to that, bees.

My OM was in his fifties, overweight, bald and had bad teeth.

But he showed an interest in me, and that was enough for me to throw away my dignity and self respect.

What a fool I was.

sophiebbb · 09/11/2010 20:48

have written you an email bees474, Look in inbox

MabelMay · 09/11/2010 20:52

so bees you believe your marriage is beyond repair? Is there anything other than the kids and practicalities etc that would make you stay with your DH? i.e. is there enough between you both worth saving?

You really need a good shag. It's a shame the guy who's offering it sounds like such bad news...
If only the OM was offering lifetime love and longterm security.

Re running and music.

Oh.

A cold shower then?

bees474 · 09/11/2010 21:02

LOL Mabel, dh offers lifetime love and security, but coldly. OM offers utter utter fuckwittage, but a good shag (I think we seem pretty compatible) Talk about a bad choice- does anyone offer all of the above? I don't think so....

OP posts:
onandup · 09/11/2010 21:05

My dh was cut off emotionally.

It had been six of one and half a dozen of the other, to be fair.

He has been far less cut off since I told him.

I wish I'd told him before anything happened.

Perhaps if you spoke to your husband about how you feel, your temptation?

Don't think for a minute you could second guess his response. I thought I'd be out on my arse. He always said I would be.

I'm not.

bees474 · 09/11/2010 21:10

I don't think dh would feel any kind of sexual jealousy- that's always been the problem..

OP posts:
MabelMay · 09/11/2010 21:25

Might your DH be okay with the idea of you having sex with someone else then?
Have you discussed having a more 'open' relationship with him? Could this be a solution?

If you're thinking of walking out on the marriage anyway then you have nothing to lose in broaching the subject, I think. How do you feel about this?

bees474 · 09/11/2010 21:37

I'm not sure.. it's occured to me Mabel. But it wouldn't stop the OM being a total cock and hurting me all the time, and it wouldn't help dh to have any self respect either :( For me, I can compartmentalise - rather like a man I think- I don't belive that one person can be everything to someone, or that people should be closed to experiences with each other- emotional, sexual, anything- I don't want anything from OM except to be in his life, see him sometimes, er...have sex etc. I don't expect dh to be faithful to me if he doesn't want to be. But it seems there is no way to square the circle at the moment- I want OM all the time, I can't see a future with dh.

OP posts:
MabelMay · 09/11/2010 21:46

Is there a way of putting yourself into more of a position of control with this OM then? YOU control when the contact happens. Don't respond to his first text/call/fb message... Or leave it a while. It doesn't sound like you're going to stop the contact with him but at least you could retain a bit of dignity by trying to call the shots a bit more. Does that make sense?

I know I should be telling you to stop contact altogether as he sounds like bad news and pain but second best option is damage limitation exercise above.

You deserve better than this OM though, you do know that don't you? If you're going to have an exit affair at least have it with a good guy, no?

MabelMay · 09/11/2010 21:49

...of course you're going to see this OM again - just don't be totally at his beck and call, okay?

bees474 · 09/11/2010 21:56

yes Mabel that worked before, last week.. to an extent. He can stay away no more than I can- at the moment....

OP posts:
Bigregrets · 10/11/2010 12:55

Can i ask a question which would be good to get people's views on.

Men AND women have affairs and some say (which is the line i was spouted!)
"I do love my wife, i want to make it work, she's now pregnant so i need to make it work" yada fucking yada. Anyhow - i do understand the whole "He doesn't care about you and is only in it for sex" BUT can he truly love and care for his wife if he is shagging someone else??! (This applies to women too) I know when i was having an affair, although part of me loved hubby, i mustn't have thought about his feelings or cared as much for him else i wouldn't have done it.
Does that make sense?
Before things went pear shaped with me and hubby for the first 4 years i wouldn't have even DREAMED of speaking to another man let alone sleep with one, because i cared about and was in love with him.

Popzie · 10/11/2010 14:16

I can see trouble ahead! But I'm going to really throw a spanner in the works and jump to the OMs defence here.

Firstly, why is it okay for Bees to just want a shag, but it's not okay for the OM to just want a shag? He's told her he fancies her and she's beautfiful - only because he hasnt' proposed to her and also fancies his DP, it doesn't mean he isn't genuine.

Secondly, maybe the OM is a decent guy who really does 'love' Bees as deeply as one can in the early days, but can't stand the thought of being responsible for breaking up a family?

I think it must be a huge predicament for an OM if he really wants a betrothed woman who is interested in him too - particularly if it may mean ending up taking responsibility for another man's child. He may be suffering himself. When I texted 'my' OM that I was hurting he thumped back to me in capital letters 'IT'S JUST THE SAME FOR ME. IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT YOU'. If you were in OMs position, how would you act? He may be wishing he'd never met you. He may be thinking he's in really deep and is panicking, hoping that his relationship will work out with his DP - just the same as you want it to with your DH - so that he can retian a normal life and not have to deal with this crisis.

It's easy to villanise men in this situ and think they know exactly what they are doing and that they have an agenda. The truth is most men are not built that way in life. How many men think about concequences, before acting? How many men think things through on an emotional level? Men ARE predetory and we wouldn't want them to be any other way to be honest, otherwise it wouldn't be - well - very manly would it? For that we have to be a bit forgiving and understanding when they let their own desires get in the way of reason (just like all of us have let OUR own desires get in the way of reason too).

I understand he made the first move and that should be seen as a negative, however Bees says they were in a pub together for six hours. Maybe he had no intention of saying as much as he did at the start of the meeting, but found himself with a loose tongue after a few pints of beer - and ended up spilling out more than was appropriate. Over the coming days he may have worried about it and kept his distance. And then gave in when you - forgive the phrase - 'offered' yourself to him (I assume he could probably have seen it in your eyes!) when you saw him in his car.

I think you need to ask 'what exactly do I want this man to do'? If he were your puppet, how would you have him act? Do you want him to turn around and take you and your DC away from it all? Do you want to have a long-term, discreet affair? Do you want to leave DH first and then begin seeing him as a conventional relationship would start? Through being honest with yourself you will be in a position to lay down the ground rules. for example if you decide you have to have an affair then his DP may not be a problem to you. If you want a new DH, then you have to get a commitment from him now.

I told my OM that I wanted to leave DH for him and he nearly wet his pants. He was honest and said he wouldn't be happy and I have to respect him for that. It changed everything. He just wanted to be 'friends who loved each other'. I wanted him mind body and soul at the time and so knew there was nothing else I could do but to walk away.

It doesn't matter if Bees walks away now or not - she's already too far gone. But Bees, I would BEG you to sort yourself out and make up your mind about your future before taking it any physically further. I know you want him, but one shag will only make you want him more. You need to know if OM is on the same wave-length as you are so you know if/when you have to cut your losses.

Whatever happens, unless you have an affair that just 'fizzles out' in time - you are going to get very hurt I'm afraid. It'll take all of your strength to get over it - but you will get over it if you want to. I do really really feel your pain, but I was you last year at this time and was absolutely buzzing. It's been an awful twelve months, but I'd take a bit of pining over that attrocious roller-coaster ride I was on last year any day of the week.

MabelMay · 10/11/2010 15:14

popzie - I agree with a lot of what you're saying. I do think the OM's can be a bit demonised on MN or judged rather harshly when really they're no worse than 'us' and are often merely following our lead, and frequently acting in a more honorable manner than us. Certainly I feel that's the case in my own situation.

However, in bees' case the OM said he thought his girlfriend was "the one". Now, if he didn't mean it, then he's lying to bees and is 'playing' her, right?... Worse: if he DID mean it then how can he, so early on in his relationship with "the one", be contemplating shagging someone else??

I know I'm not the model of a loyal gf, but when I thought my DP was "the one" [oh what a long, long time ago that was!] I didn't even register other men, let alone contemplate sleeping with one! I mean, what is this guy playing at?!

Popzie · 10/11/2010 15:47

Yep - you are right. That is really bad actually and alarm bells should really ring. That's why I think OP should demand some sort of sense from him before contemplating any action at all.

If OP does only want to shag - or the thrill of an affair why should the OMs partner worry her? It's only a problem if she's contemplating something serious. That's why I think OP should just work out if she does want exclusivity on OM, make the necessary demands now - and then prepare for heartache if OM can't or won't deliver.

MabelMay · 10/11/2010 16:50

Popzie: I don't think bees is contemplating something serious and long-lasting with the OM is she? At least that's not the impression I've got.

So I guess OM's DP is not really an issue for her. But OM's attitude towards his DP should be.

I'll be standing by to watch progress. Have the feeling this one's not going to end with hand-holding into the sunset, somehow...

Hope all's well, bees

Popzie · 10/11/2010 16:56

I just don't think the om's character is at all significant if she just wants to use him for an affair.

Despite my matter of fact tone, I am deeply concerned about all the messy feelings that are involved here. On every side. I really do hope it will all turn out 'for the best'.

Popzie · 10/11/2010 16:59

I think bees is looking for a way out of her marriage. That's the impression I got anyway , but I may have read more into it than is there.

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