When a man tells you what he is like,,,listen! Or, red flag time

[Janos]

You know, the men who just drop into a conversation that they aren't nice people, or think it's funny to drop kick bunny rabbits, or that they did this awful, really bad thing one time but will never do it again, honest guv'nor?

They are telling you something. Listen. And don't ignore your instincts.

It's been said before, I just feel that this is worth repeating.

Sounds like a reasonable way forward.

I totally agree with teaching our daughters that they don't have to be nice all the time, and that while it's nice to be liked, you can't please everyone all of the time, so you're better off pleasing yourself.

As women, we are so conditioned not to be seen as rude and aggressive that we can end up in all sorts of crap situations, relationship-wise, at work and socially. For isntance, I have a friend who ends up getting hassled by drunks and tramps in the street a lot, because she is just too damn nice to ignore them and walk on.

I'm going to print out that Women's Aid thing and put it up in my tutor room at the college.

I always took the 'I just want to have fun message' at face value.

With three separate men, it ended with them asking if we could start a 'proper' relationship.

I wasn't interested, and they were astounded.

They took this to mean that I wasn't the Marrying Kind.

They all came to my wedding.

Hah.

I can thoroughly recommend that Gavin de Becker book. I bought and read (some) of it today. Absolutely spot on and very strong on trusting your instincts.

The Gift of Fear

Should be essential reading for everyone. I also appreciate the stuff in it about serial offenders eg stalkers who go on to murder their victims, and how all the authorities say: no-one could have seen that coming. On the contrary - all the signs were there, everybody just chose to ignore them.