Would you accept your DH not loving you?

[iifsn]

Hi - just wanted some feedback as to how other MNs would feel about my situation where DH quite open abouly has always told me he does not love me (since soon after our marriage) and how it has always bewildered him how I have found it hard to live with that fact.

Thankfully not for myself, but I have a friend in a relationship with not-dissimilar dynamic and "indifference" is what I wish for her.

Do you see a difference in the way he interacts with you and the kids, compared to how your friends or relatives interact with their families?

I think I read somewhere that a relationship should enrich your life.

As a general point, anyone who has been 'betrayed' by a partner but who goes on to inflict sustained or severe punishment on that partner (whether physical violence or longterm dripfeeding of resentment as appears to be going on in this case) loses all the moral high ground and indicates that they probably deserved to be cheated on in the first place. For being an unpleasant person.

Yes. There are more emotions elsewhere.

Sorry, what do you mean by that?

you have feelings for someone else? Or your dh does?

This is reminding me more and more of The Real Me's original thread (Narcisstic Personality disorder).

If I'm not mistaken, she had one infidelity which her H then held over her for many many years. It was horribly abusive.
What was your own background like iifsn? Would your mum have acted the same way you are?

oh do you mean, other men show more emotions?

They certainly do.

He said "I love you" just long enough to get you to the altar - because no-one would marry without those words.

Then he withdrew them.

What would he say if you told him to leave, if he doesn' love you?

I agree with your point but I do not think I am entranced.

I'm lost

I meant that there are more emotions within other relationships. No. I do not have feelings for anyone else. There is no one else involved.

That is why not being forgiven is also so hard. Because - you know, as a person, you have learnt and wouldn't repeat that mistake again, but that is never acknowledged.

if he has not forgiven you after 9 years of marriage, sexual intimacy and the birth of your children, frankly I don't think it will ever happen.

I think he enjoys being unforgiving, draining some energy of you in this way. He feeds off it.

it's not just me, is it ? is iiiiit ?

please someone tell me I haven't lost my mind and my powers of reasoning

< gnashes teeth >

< pulls hair >

SGB...you know what a monogamist I am but I agree with you on this thread.

He's never going to forgive you.

He's never going to start loving you.

He's never going to change his whole disposition and become a loving, caring partner.

Because he is a selfish man who likes you exactly as you are now - humble, guilty and credulous. Desperate for scraps. He has to do the bare minimum to keep you in his house. What effort does he make? What are your daily interactions like?

SF - not just you.

business-like

is he kind to you, does he take care of you when you are ill, does he act respectfully towards you in front of other people?

Do you friends and family like him?

What would be the major difference to your life if you were a single parent?

hi RCB...what's wiv the name-change ?

is it Hallowe'en-ish ? < shows ignorance >

I have to admit that I'm finding this thread utterly baffling. I keep checking it to see if it's progressed, but it hasn't much at all. There must be one heck of an iceberg beyond what you've told us and I'd advise you seek some professional help to help you work through this.

Op, is there anyone in RL you can talk to about this? You clearly aren't comfortable giving anything away, which says a lot in itself.

And AF, RCB is a Jilly Cooper character!