What do i do!!

[pinkhair]

Hello there, i am having problems with my DH, he can be so nasty to me, he is always complaining that the housework doesn't get done and its always left to him (which it isn't) i have 2 jobs which means i am not always at home much but DH works shifts so if i ask him to help out he refuses and says thats right always leave it to me to do, at present i am awaiting a major back operation on 30th oct which limits me to what i can do, all DH can do is moan or have a go at everything i do, for example i find walking hard, cos of the pain, but im not allowed to use the car and if i do it has to be for a very good reason.
Our DS plays football for the local town and he loves it, but its always me who takes him to football, which i love but it would be nice if HD would take an interest in our DS's interest, i know he doesn't like football but surely he should do it for our DS?
Regarding our DS doing football DH has said that it has now messed up his cycling as it means i cant drive him to a place for him to be able to cycle home cos im always doing football at weekends, i told him we can always sort something out and work round it, but he just wont listen, he reckons the only reason our DS is doing football is cos i pushed him into so i could socialise with the mums from school.

Me and my DS are staying at a friends house for a couple of days and i told DH to sort his head out and decide what it is he is going to do cos i have had enough of living like this, i have suggested we go to counciling but he has refused to go and said im not talking to anyone else about our problems.
Can someone please give me advice on what to do next!!!!

Wish it would pass really quickly.

When i got home earlier, i felt really good, got on the phone, sorted some more stuff out, then it got to ds bedtime and i have hit a downer, i know you are proberly all saying i should of stayed at my parents, but i have to make the move at some point, just being xmas time as well, everyone out there celebrating at xmas and new year times and i'll be at home, i'm going to have to go before i really get myself well and truely down more.

Take care xx

Sometimes when you are down all you can do is give yourself some TLC. And I mean take care of yourself because you are worth it. I used to buy a big bag of marshmallows, a bottle of wine and a large slab of chocolate and be in bed by 7pm (I still occasionally miss those nights). Or spend the evening on the phone to friends/family. Please try to remember that getting off the emotional rollercoaster of your ex will sometimes leave you feeling down.

Well we're all here in the evenings!

Please don't torture yourself that everyones out having a good time at parties.Theres lots of us who aren't, and it really is okay not to be, for you it may just be this year anyway-who knows what you'll be up to in a years time!

For now yummy things to eat, watching good telly in bed, everything suggested above is lovely,and can do the trick.Try viewing the evenings as peaceful, and you can do whatever you like with that time..This may sound naff- but how about doing something creative,or is there anything you've ever fancied learning?

It's a New Year soon,and a new start,and that can be exciting.

I spend my evenings on my own, too, Pinkhair. For a while I felt like there was something 'missing' but then realised it's a treat really (though I still get the blues sometimes, and spend hours on Mumsnet!!) All the things people have said here, about me time, are true.

Another nice thing to do is have a bath/shower, then put lots of body lotion on with long, slow strokes. It's nice to 'love yourself' like that and it helps you feel grounded, iykwim.

Plus, do lots of things you weren't "allowed" to do! Eat salad in front of the TV with your fingers (OK, not everybody's idea of a treat, but it makes me feel cheeky), dance like a kid round the kitchen, watch hours of films that make you laugh, cut your toenails on the sofa, pull faces in the mirror ...

... you'll be fine, being yourself

(Hee Hee Grace- I love to dance around the kitchen too! )

Oh you girls make me laugh

I am feeling pretty good today girls, i have done lots regarding looking after myself and ds, but i did have some very sad news today about a very close friend, she has just told me she has cancer, suddenly all my problems seem so little now.

I spoke to her on the phone today and i'm popping round to see her after xmas, i told her about my problems, and she was sorry but glad that im ok and happy, and she said thats what i deserve to be happy, she is such a strong lady, and so postitive.

If she can do that, then i can do this, thank you all for being here for me, replying to my posts.

I know for a fact if PHBF had not of introduced me to MN, then i really dont know where i would be.
Love you all lots, and i'm now going to go and eat some chocolate and do a little dance for you GRACE HA!HA!

Oh and a dance for you too JELLYKAT HA! HA!

Hee Hee..And for you too pinkhair!

Love your dance, pink

I'm sorry about your friend. The fact that you have such lovely friends shows what a great girl you are! Glad you're there for each other. x

Hi pinkhair, have been lurking. Just wanted to say your last post was lovely to read. H and I are trying to make our marriage work after his affair, but he did leave for 3 days and even in that short time I can so relate to how scared and lonely you were feeling when you wrote that (hope you're still better now!). In one of my better moments I made a list of all the things I could do if he left, much like what everyone has suggested. It's bloody awful but there is hope, this will pass and you will feel free and strong, not lonely. Look at what you've done so far!

Thank you so much robber for your post, I know its going to take time but with the help of my friends and family, and of course all of you mums on here I will make it.
I hope everything turns out well for you and your H, and you find your happiness which you deserve.:)x x x

sorry about your friend, PH

Hello everyone, update....

I went and saw my solictor yesterday, and she was lovely, we managed to sort lots of things out, which is the best route to go down regarding the house, one thing which was great was that i am able to get legal aid, so that was one less thing to worry about.

I have also applied for divorce for h, on behaviour grounds, there was 5 options, this one i used, or i could of waited two years and then divorced, but i thought why wait, we are not getting back together, so i went ahead with it....seems really final though.

awww, sad news but good news

Yes, it is final

Your husband left you no choice, I am afraid

Well done, that Pinkhair!

It's sad, yes - sad that he wasn't able to be a decent husband & father. As you know now, you do deserve a better life with DS. I'm so glad you're getting things sorted and finding the right support.

It's going to be quite a new year for you, isn't it?!

Yes GraceAway, a very quiet new year, proberly be in bed before midnight, but you cant have it all can you?

whoops.....just re-read your message GraceAway.......

Yes it is going to be a new year for me, a fresh new life, start, and all that...

and of course no partying on new years eve either though, but then i have my ds xx

Lol, you thought I said a "quiet" new year!

Might be a quiet new year's eve, but far from a quiet YEAR, I suspect! New life & everything!

Enjoy Christmas, free from whining moaning shouty idiots (except DS, as it's a Christmas rule that all kids must get overexcited and play up)

xxx

Abolutely GraceAway,

DS has been having the time of his life, he is being a 6 year old again, and i love it :)he is so happy, and relaxed.

Hope you have a good xmas too and that goes for everyone on here if i dont get a chance to come on again before xmas....

Knowing me though i will ....lol

What a long way you've come pinkhair since you started this thread. I am delighted that you got to see a solicitor and put the wheels in motion. I think it was important for you that you started the divorce.

Most of all, it makes my heart soar to read that a little boy is able to be a child again and is happy and relaxed in his own home. He will always have cause to thank you pinkhair for putting him first and giving him the childhood he deserved. Well done and I hope you have a peaceful Christmas. With much love, to a very brave woman.

WWIFN i owe you and everyone on here including PHBF so much, as you have given me the strength to do something about my life, to stand up and fight and not give in.

It has taken time, but i got there in the end, and to see my DS so happy is fantastic, and brings tears to my eyes....but they are happy ones..lol

Once again from one brave women to all of you brave women....THANK YOU XX

Ooo missed yesterdays' postings(away collecting my DS1 for his Birthday and Christmas celebrations)

Good to hear you've got a lovely solicitor
pinkhair, it's important that you 'get on',
It is after all personal stuff.

Think you made a good decision re. getting on with divorce proceedings, it would've been horrible to have had it hanging over you.

It sounds like you and your DS finally have a cosy and safe home to live in, and you should be so proud of yourself to have fought to make it so.

Have a well deserved happy Christmas! x

PH...I am very proud of you

what an inspiration you are

I love the thought of your little boy doing just what little boys do, with no bad atmosphere to drag him down

Something to make you lovely ladies laugh on here...

Tonight me and my DS where playing indoors here with two small balls, we were using them like bombs and throwing them at each other and pretending to blow ourselves up, i laughed so much i nearly wet myself, i have had so much fun, its unbelieveable....

He went to bed absolutley shattered, bless him, i have had so much fun with him. i love him to bits. xx