What do i do!!

[pinkhair]

Hello there, i am having problems with my DH, he can be so nasty to me, he is always complaining that the housework doesn't get done and its always left to him (which it isn't) i have 2 jobs which means i am not always at home much but DH works shifts so if i ask him to help out he refuses and says thats right always leave it to me to do, at present i am awaiting a major back operation on 30th oct which limits me to what i can do, all DH can do is moan or have a go at everything i do, for example i find walking hard, cos of the pain, but im not allowed to use the car and if i do it has to be for a very good reason.
Our DS plays football for the local town and he loves it, but its always me who takes him to football, which i love but it would be nice if HD would take an interest in our DS's interest, i know he doesn't like football but surely he should do it for our DS?
Regarding our DS doing football DH has said that it has now messed up his cycling as it means i cant drive him to a place for him to be able to cycle home cos im always doing football at weekends, i told him we can always sort something out and work round it, but he just wont listen, he reckons the only reason our DS is doing football is cos i pushed him into so i could socialise with the mums from school.

Me and my DS are staying at a friends house for a couple of days and i told DH to sort his head out and decide what it is he is going to do cos i have had enough of living like this, i have suggested we go to counciling but he has refused to go and said im not talking to anyone else about our problems.
Can someone please give me advice on what to do next!!!!

But when's he going pinkhair?

This weekend WWIFN he is going to his parents.

Sorry but I wouldn't trust a word this man says.

has anything been mentioned about withdrawing all your savings?

Please have plenty of RL support close at hand.

Can you get somebody to come and stay with you for a few days?

has he just come home and told you this? How did the conversation happen?

And yes, when does he say he is leaving?

Have you spoken to his parents to confirm this?

Please make sure you have yours and ds passports somewhere safe.

Can you arrange to have a friend or family member with you in the house at the time he is supposed to be going to his parents?

It all started this afternoon when he said sorry for swearing at me last night, he says that we need to be able to talk between ourselves for our ds sake.

I have plenty of support near me and really close by, so i know i will be alright.

I did ask him about the savings yesterday and thats when he was shouting at me, but he still wont give me half, but i'm not going to bite to him, i'll let my solicitor to sort it out

When's he going pinkhair?

Sorry, just seen your other reply. Good, which day?

We are going to talk more tonight once ds is in bed, hopefully there will be no shouting or swearing this time. Speak soon x x

Hi Pinkhair, I have spent an hour or two reading your thread, and there is little I can add - the support on here and advice has been great. I would just say that I think talking to this guy about anything at all is a total waste of time. Sorry, but what screams to me from your posts is that he is either playing you, or when out of his depth telling you what he wants to hear. I feel a bit saddened actually, that you are still engaging in conversation with him at all, because that suggests that you are open to sorting things out, and nothing can be sorted out with this guy - at least at the present. I fear that you may let him talk you round - there is still an undercurrent in your posts that you are still wanting this to work out. I'm not criticising you - it is clear to me that he has broken your self belief, strength and spirit with his bullying over the years, and you don't see yourself as a person in your own right. Please try and be strong. I have doubts he will go - I think he will stall, and I worry about you and most of all your lad. I live in Norwich, our CAB will offer you advice over the phone, and will probably, if you call them first thing in the morning if not now get you in with a solicitor tomorrow. I think next Wednesday is too long to wait. Please try and accept that you are worth looking after - you are a lovely lady, a great mum, but right now, he's drained all your self esteem, and please don't let him tell you what you want to hear - because he's a louse. Keep strong, please.

Sorry - should read "telling you what he wants you to hear".

pinkhair Please be careful. Take everything he may say tonight with a very large pinch of salt!

Remain strong, he's bluffed before,and please please don't let him pull any emotional strings.

I echo the concern about engaging with him at all, beyond necessary interactions about the separation and finances. Don't get sucked in pinkhair.

I don't think he has any intention of moving out nor trying to keep it amicable for your son

He is trying anything he can to manipulate you

I expect more posts this weekend asking how can you get him to leave.

Sorry.

Agree guys, pinkhair as you know I also think any unnesscessary conversations with him are fruitless.
He just changes his mind on every agreement anyway. It must make you feel like you are going round in circles.
He was aggressive towards you last night and he has also threatened to you that he will "have words" with me as he blames me for the breakdown of his marriage.
Sorry, I still think you need to look after yourself and ds and get over to your parents house as soon as poss xxx

PHBF...I trust you will dial 999 if he so much as wags a finger in your direction ?

I'm afraid I agree, too, pinkhair. You seem still to believe he's capable of being reasonable, considerate & safe. I really understand your wanting to trust him on this, but all the evidence is that he's just can't be reasonable. He switches moods in a flash, changes his mind, goes back on things ... and he's very, very angry.

I don't think you should trust him :(

There's no good reason why not to go to your parents, is there? Just a thought - have you got a strapping big brother, who could come back with you after the weekend & check he's gone?

You could still go to your parents and he could still move out at the weekend

When he has gone, you come back

Simple !

or it should be...except he isn't going to do it

Arsehole is what my H is. He has just upset me big time and i'm a fool for letting him, he keeps going on about having our ds every weekend and he's taking this and that and the car, he's already had our savings, what else does he want my fucking life :( I feel for it hook line and sinker well and truely, he said he's not paying nothing now and doesn't give a shit.

please just go, PH

why are you even listening to his bullshit

he can say what the fuck he likes, your solicitor will tell you the real truth

what is coming out of his mouth is hot air designed to hurt you

none of it is truth, nor real

fgs, stop talking to him and leave him to it

you are being very foolish to let him continue to beat you mentally

just go

I wish we had some contact details for pinkhair.

pinkhairsbestfriend are you still checking in?

I am really worried.

Phone. Pinkhairsbestfriend. Other best friend. Mum & Dad. Pack up DS & the basics for a few days. Have someone pick you both up. Get a good night's sleep for a change.

Go on! PHONE!!

:)

but grace she cant do that if she is confronted with an angry man being physical.

I am really worried about her.

I think PH has a core of steel running through her tbh

but she has to stop engaging

Yes. Me, too.
He hasn't got physical yet, but he's certainly getting nastier. It's got to better to be out of there IMO. Other stuff can be sorted out later.

Actually, just realised you could take the car after he's gone to sleep, couldn't you pinkhair?