What do i do!!

[pinkhair]

Hello there, i am having problems with my DH, he can be so nasty to me, he is always complaining that the housework doesn't get done and its always left to him (which it isn't) i have 2 jobs which means i am not always at home much but DH works shifts so if i ask him to help out he refuses and says thats right always leave it to me to do, at present i am awaiting a major back operation on 30th oct which limits me to what i can do, all DH can do is moan or have a go at everything i do, for example i find walking hard, cos of the pain, but im not allowed to use the car and if i do it has to be for a very good reason.
Our DS plays football for the local town and he loves it, but its always me who takes him to football, which i love but it would be nice if HD would take an interest in our DS's interest, i know he doesn't like football but surely he should do it for our DS?
Regarding our DS doing football DH has said that it has now messed up his cycling as it means i cant drive him to a place for him to be able to cycle home cos im always doing football at weekends, i told him we can always sort something out and work round it, but he just wont listen, he reckons the only reason our DS is doing football is cos i pushed him into so i could socialise with the mums from school.

Me and my DS are staying at a friends house for a couple of days and i told DH to sort his head out and decide what it is he is going to do cos i have had enough of living like this, i have suggested we go to counciling but he has refused to go and said im not talking to anyone else about our problems.
Can someone please give me advice on what to do next!!!!

pinkhair is getting angry Yeeeeyyyyyyyy!!!! You go girl!!! See you tomorrow if my ds is better xxx

keep going PH x

I can not believe my h sometimes, he comes in from work this afternoon and says to me have you sorted anything out about the house ie morgage etc and I say no, then he hardly says two words to me, which is fine, then just before I go to get my ds from school he turns around and says are you sure this is what you want? And now I have got back from school he now says what we were talking about earlier I think we should try councelling together....i said no that wont work, he got grumpy and said well I take it you have made your mind up then? Why does he keep messing with my head...i need him out...

Oh dear, they really are just pathetic.

I remember begging my exh to talk to me - begging, crying, (he did the silent treatment a LOT) and he told me to fuck off.

The next morning? He said 'Can we please stop this, you know I adore you'.

It is called head-fcuking and they do it deliberately. Continue on your path PH, please. I see you having sucha happy life once you have disentangled yourslef from this nasty person.

And yes you shouold say to him....I have made up my mind.

It might make him leave, in a spat. Then you can change the locks as he is threatening.

I'm sorry to sound alarmist, but your last post worries me pinkhair. He can see he is losing control of you and that will make him very angry. Please take care of yourself and try not to engage with him if you can help it. Don't hesitate to contact the police if he is aggressive in the slightest, even if it is only towards inanimate objects again, or slamming doors.

Tomorrow, can I suggest you ring the police and ask to speak to the community safety team, or the unit responsible for violence and abuse in the home? Ask them for some advice and see if an officer can give you some safety tips and next steps.

Remember, safety first, bricks and mortar second.

Pinhair is doing so well. Thanks again for all your support, it is really backing up the advice myself and our other close friend is giving. The continued support on here is unbelievable and SOOOO valuable, especially the times when myself and other friend are not available.
I just want to add Pinkhair is just becoming another (imporved) version of pinkhair, she is even talking in a stronger voice. It is amazing, in just a few weeks she is starting to take control of her life. She has done amazing things, talked to the school about the situation, rang WA, called a solicitor. Just want her to see in writing how far she has come!!!
Thanks again WWIFN I am available to pick pinkhair up if she needs me at any time, but I am sure, following the advice on here, she would not hesitate to call the police....Or at the very least if she called me, I would not hesitate to call them.
xx

• improved!!!

:) go, pinkhair, go! :)

You must be a really nice person, as you've got such lovely friends. You definitely deserve to be treated with kindness & respect!

Stay on it. x

PHBF I have so much to thank you for and my other close friend, but I know for sure that I now have so many other fantastic people on here all giving me advice as and when I need it. I'm so glad that PHBF Put me in touch with this site. Now I have read back what you have said PHBF I cant believe that I have done that. And even now when I talk to h He has now realised that i'm not taking any shit and he's not liking it. What a dam shame.
Dont get me wrong I do get upset I usually end up crying myself to sleep at nights, but h doesn't see cos he doesn't sleep with me, he hasn't for the last 2 years.

Wow Pink hair you are writing like a different person, really strong, as if you can see things as they are!

Keep moving forward,stay strong-you are doing brilliantly!x

Thanks jellykat :-D x x

Silly question I know, but have you really got pink hair? [nosey emoticon]

Excellent question UC but i'm afraid not....its a lovely nice white blonde, short all over with a longish fringe going over to one side, i'm growing that bit down :)x x

I do love pinks music too x x

just an update i spoke to south norfolk council yesterday regarding housing for me and my ds as h is not leaving, but they said we can go on there list, but because i own the house i need to seek legal advice aswell.

he was really helpful though gave me a number for norfolk community law service to see where i stand, so i'll give them a call today and see whats what.

Oh by the way UnlikelyCrackerzonian i dont think pink hair would suit me...lol

I have just spoke to someone from local WA project based near where i am, there are brilliant, i am meeting her tomorrow afternoon to go through some things with her, and get advice, but the only time she can do is 3.30 so i asked h if he would pick our ds up from school, spend time with him etc, and he said NO i'm not going to school to collect him, so i have had to arranged a friend to pick him up and take him back to hers until i have finished my meeting then shes going to take us both home.

What an arsehole he is being, how silly can he be, it just goes to show that he is embarrassed to show his face, as the two friends who are supporting me go there to pick up their children too.

pinkhair - see it as a blessing in disguise, I don't think it's wise for your son to be left with your husband at the moment. Yes, he's being an arsehole, but you knew that already.

Glad to hear you are making progress, keep going, you do sound like a different person!

I'm really pleased you're meeting someone from WA, but please pinkhair DON'T give your H the opportunity at the moment to spend time on his own with your DS. When I said don't let him out of your sight, I expressly meant no time alone with your H. Please don't under-estimate this threat. I am therefore enormously relieved that your H reverted to his usual selfish behaviour.

Me too WWIFN, it wasn't until afterwards that i thought about it that its for the best that he goes round ones of my friends, it just gets to me that he can be so selfish and not look after his own son, but like you say, thats good in this case :)

I'll let you know what happens after i meet this women, hopefully i will get some useful information, i'll keep you all updated.

I also spoke to my mum today and told her about all the least things that have been going on, and both mum and dad are really supporting me.

Thanks again to you all :0

i meant to say lastest things....

latest things......i'll get it right in a minute...

It's good that you're writing down on here what's happening day by day. You might need it later if you need evidence for your case..

PH, you really do sound like a different person

a person in control of her life

Ohhhh AF....She really is a different person!!! She is really taking control of everything.....She has a massive advantage over her H too, she has always made the phonecalls for him....doctors appts, bank phonecalls, calls for the vet etc etc, things he has refused to do and insisted she do for him....He now finds himself stuck and unable to fend for himself while pinkhair is able to start sorting out her life. He still refuses to let her use the car....but she is breaking FREE!!!! The real, free, strong and independent pinkhair is emerging!!!

< does a happy dance >

I can truly imagine what a hopeless case he is wrt practical things, she is going to utterly run rings around him

stupid, stupid man...he had it so good, but just couldn't stop that inner twat trying to control and belittle all he was meant to hold dear

it has backfired on him spectacularly, I am pleased to see