sorry, very long. i thought me and dp had a great relationship, loving, trusting, lovely house, new baby, he's a good dad to her and my two older dc's from previous relationship, etc etc. perfect. only not. to be honest i thought i was reading too much mumsnet and seeing it all of a sudden materialize in rl. it started with a little less affection from him which was wierd cos we've always been very touchy feely. Then it was less sex. Then it was turning his back to me in bed without so much as a good night let alone a hug or kiss. all of which i called him on, asked if everyhting was ok etc and he said work was stressful so i let him be. next it was disappearing into the bath for an hour after work every night, taking himself off to bed as early as 7pm on his days off,and getting an awful lot of texts from someone he said it was a workmate with relationship problems. in general not being himself and being incredibly secretive.
the bombshell came after we'd had a great night out together on the saturday night, the first time since new baby came along. really had an awesome night, lots of affection, lots of sex, just like we'd always been. the next afternoon he went to this old mates house. i called him about 1am windering where he was cos he had no key and i wanted to go to bed but his phone was off. i went to bed and he turned up middle of the next day. he missed the last train. his battery had died. fair enough. he takes himself off for a bath and is quiet with me. that night he told me he needed space to think and he wasn't sure where our relationship was headed. WTF??? and i ended up at my parents with the kids for a few days completely bewildered and heartbroken. and it came out bit by bit. he'd met a girl on his lunchbreak at work two weeks previous. a random girl who'd asked for a light. and he'd taken her number. and met her for lunch a couple of times. and the workmate with the relationship problems he'd so merrily told me he was texting wasn't at all, it was her. and in the bath every night...texting her. and when he took himself off to bed cos he was so tired...texting her. and she's 18 for fucks sake. and she now knows all about our little family and how apparantly he hasnt been happy with me for a while and is only here for our new baby. and she's said all the right things. i wish you could leave her for me but i'm worried she won't let you see the baby. what the fuck!!! and he's bought it.
so he admits all this to me while i sit crying and tells me nothing has happened with her he wants it to work between us.i feel completely betrayed even though its just been texts and lunch i now know he's been lying to me and he's sat next to me on the sofa infront of the tv all cosy with the baby and all... texting some lass telling her he's not happy here. i tell him if we're gonna make it work he'll have to stop contact and he agrees. but the next day...he tells me he thinks we should split after all. he wont give her up and she is just a friend. no friend asks you to leave your partner when you've just had a baby together. and the fact that a conversation went on where he let her think he might... that was 2 weeks ago.
now i find myself living with my partner who tells me he can be nothing more than my friend. who lies to me when he feels like it(told me he was going for drink with a mate on friday night then admitted he'd walked round our area for 3 hours with someone he used to work with cos she was bored, while i sat at home on my own trying to settle the baby) he's still in touch with the 18 year old girl and she texts him regularly and has been into work to see him but he still says nothing has happened. doesnt seem to realise how much it hurts me him still being in contact with her...feels like she's back-up, like she's just waiting for him to decide to leave. and has been out all weekend fuck knows where while i'm at home in pieces with our newborn and my older dc. he keeps saying he wants things back as they were with us but this will be the second night he's been out with no contact...nothing. and when i pointed out in a text this aft that he's barely seen the baby in 3 days and i may as well be on my own he accuses me of using her as a weapon to get him home. i was single mum for a good few years in a crappy area when i met him and one of the wrost things is how he makes out i should be grateful for all he's done for me and my kids and makes me feel like he did me a favour. what the hell happened to the relationship i thought i had? just don't know what to do. he swears nothing has happened with this girl and that it won't but this is his second night away i don't know where he is or what to think. my gut instict says this mate he's stayin at is giving him somewhere to take this girl but i don't want to believe that of him. just feel completely lost like my world has tipped upside down and i'm hanging onto the edge for dear life. finding it hard to keep a brave face for older dc's and coping with newborn. should be such a happy time. what to do?