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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Offy!!

977 replies

Mouseface · 09/10/2010 18:54

Well, this is our tenth thread so we are throwing a little party!

Everyone is invited! No booze of course, soft drinks and mocktails only!

I'm Mouse, hello.

There are all kinds of drinkers on board the bus. Come and join the journey, whatever stage you are at, drinking, cutting down, wanting to stop or sober already.

Everyone is welcome to post here. Come say hi.

The journey so far is below.

JWN's original thread

OP posts:

LittleRedPumpkin · 14/10/2010 14:19

It's fine, it's interesting to read what you're posting and I'm realizing a lot about myself here too.

I know that one of the worst things about my drinking is the way I get nasty or emotional. It's not fair on DH and one of the big things that makes me know I have to stay sober.

I would say though - it's compulsive for all of us, we're all weak-willed. But there are people on here who've been sober for months and more. If they can do it, so can we.

MIFLAW · 14/10/2010 14:30

"I understand that I am weak willed" - I don't think you sound weak-willed at all. I think you sound, like me, dangerously strong-willed.

If you can wake up after two bottles of wine (which, by the sound of it, is what you drank in one night recently) and drink again, that is physically hard work. That takes will-power to accomplish. It would be so much easier, physically, not to drink for a few days or two - but, because of your love of wine, you make the effort. You have loads of will-power - you are just using it against yourself instead of for yourself.

zombieinhighheelswhatnext · 14/10/2010 14:36

i have pondered the question whether i would 'abstain' if the wine of my choice was not avalible, i was never a huge spirit drinker, have never liked whisky or brandy - the thing is, i feel very relived that i got to my rock bottom without sampling either - how long would it have been before i could no longer work or function and not be able to afford the decent stuff? how long would it have been before i was happy to swig cheap nasty vodka, or buy big bottles of frostyjacks?, ive a horrible thought that actually my life could well go down that route if i was carry on as i had been!

for me, the only answer is to stop compleatly, its a calming, peaceful place to be, the decision is made, no more agonising or counting the days till friday when i am 'allowed' to drink - i actually dont give a flying fuck if some people dont like or question my not drinking!, its my life, my liver and i am an adult, i dont have to answer to anyone! - to me that atitude is a fundamental part of my recovery - to be honest enough and strong enough to say 'no thanks, i dont want a drink' and to mean it and not feel i 'have' to join in the drinking
btw, i have been to loads of work related functions in the last 4 months, i have not missed the booze and i have been far more effective on the networking front.

CJCregg · 14/10/2010 14:37

LRP, I think you have to take responsibility where your friends are concerned. As you say, they're not the best judges of your levels of drinking - you are. They may not think you're 'an alcoholic', whatever that means to them, but if you are serious about changing your habits then they should take you at your word.

By the way, there are still loads of people I haven't 'come out' to yet. The longer I'm sober the more I want to shout about it, and yet the chance never seems to arise. People are too busy doing their own drinking to notice or ask why I'm not!

daddywillbehomesoon · 14/10/2010 14:59

LRP yes we have a wine room. And we keep it well stocked. We currently have 3-4 cases in there, all separated out nicely.

MIFLAW it's almost easier for me to keep drinking than to stop, that's what I mean by weak willed - we're having a nice evening watching a movie and having a few glasses of wine, and I actually want the evening to just keep carrying on if we're having fun and as long as we're drinking wine then that's what happens - in my mind, this is the rationale. i don't really think of what I'll be like the next day, because i just seem to be ok. 1.5-2 bottles on a friday/saturday/sunday night is pretty normal now...

Whitenapteen · 14/10/2010 15:00

LRP Looking back, and from more recent conversations with DH, I know I was an argumentative cow when drinking. BUT I also spent a lot of time not raising a serious concern because I felt so guilty about my drinking. I had the 'I will not be found wanting' attitude so would always try to 'overachieve' - so from the outside all looked good and under control and a good part of our lives was that. Since not drinking I have had more honest conversations with DH and have raised the concern and we have had fruitful chats and are resolving it together. I was ready to have the conversation because I no longer felt that I was spoiling our life by drinking and because I could have a non-argumentative conversation rather than a drink fuelled rant. The concern is still there, but now that it has been ackowledged by me and DH and we are tackling it together I feel so much less on edge.

ZWN I have to agree, stopping completely is the only way that I can tackle drinking. If others can set their own rules and stick to them I say 'good for you' but I realise we each make our own choice and am trying not to be too jealous.
CJ My 'elephant in the room' is that only DH and our children know that I have not been drinking alcohol (and the waiter on holiday who must have realised as I worked my way through every mocktail and soft drink going). DD had to be reassured that I was not pregnant - not too cool to have a pregnant mum in your early teens as clearly the parents have been 'at it' and shouldn't that have stopped donkeys years ago! As I am not pregnant I have just chosen non-alcoholic drinks when socialising with friends. They seem to assume that I may be driving or know that I am quite a controlled person so wouldn't expect me to get drunk - did that behind closed doors. My challenge will be family events - all very supportive but I am just not ready for the why? questions that will follow.

MIFLAW · 14/10/2010 15:17

Yes, but if you're doing that then it's not willpower, is it? Either you're just not trying - in which case your will is not tested and is irrelevant - or, in fact, you are like the majority of people here, you have a mental compulsion to keep drinking once you have started, and willpower is no more use than it would be in dealing with diarrhoea.

It is very easy to blame weak wills because it saves us looking at the real issues. However, if you genuinely have a weak will, then surely it would be the same in all areas. Are you the same with cream cakes - can you eat 6-10 in a sitting (say, one per glass of wine)? What about watching TV - once you start, are you unable to turn off until the channel goes off air? Once you start having sex, can you stop after once?

If not, why do you think that alcohol is different?

MorticiaPerrier · 14/10/2010 15:33

It's me again... It strikes me we are all searching for answers and reasons why we seem unable to exert willpower or control over our drinking. Could it be that as human beings we are complex, flawed, weak, stubborn, vulnerable etc etc It is alcohol that is the one constant thing IYSWIM Alcohol is a mind altering, addictive drug,

daddywillbehomesoon · 14/10/2010 16:12

true MIFLAW i never thought of it that way. god just how much should I be learning about myself I wonder... yes I can see that it is a compulsion. I actually was thinking of it in the totally opposite way - if I'm not blaming my weak will then I'm not looking at the real issue.

Self examination has never been my strong point.

I did used to be the same with Haribo sweets - you know the starmix ones in the bags - i could quite happily get through one of those packs on the way home from dropping ds1 at nursery - only when they started to make me feel sick did i stop. And yes I'm getting the similarity

diabolik · 14/10/2010 17:25

daddy - the alchol is just a symptom in my opinion..

Remember none of us started out with the idea ooohhh lets start drinking to the point where we damage our selfes / relationships / etc etc

Somewhere along the way something happened.

for example: Some one with chronic pain issues( back paines etc ) figures out that alchol in combination with pain killers - really kills the pain .. does that for a couple of years non stop and then one day wakes up to the realisation that he has an even bigger problem then his initial chronic pain.

But once he dries out unless he has developed any additional issues - He is still left with just the chronic pain as his main problem in life.

diabolik · 14/10/2010 17:28

hmmm that word just before chronic pain is wrong .. my apologies to anyone that suffers them.

HammerMouseOfHorrors · 14/10/2010 18:14

Evening Babes........ how are we all?

How are we holding up on this cold and dank autumn night?

Any wobbles as it's drink o'clock somewhere in the world?

daddywillbehomesoon · 14/10/2010 19:00

well I've got through dinner, and opened the wine for dh and poured it for him. And after the first real fancy for a glass, surprisingly didn't want it.

pot of tea just made to get me through the rest of the evening till bed.

Rightpickle · 14/10/2010 19:01

Urgh. Went out with work colleagues last night and gave myself permission to drink shedloads. Nothing embarrassing, thank God, but I was sooooooo ill today. Maybe because I'm NOT drinking most of the week now, I'm losing my hard head.

I also started my period today, so the hangover was extra fucking horrendous and quite pukey.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why?????????????????????

Arse bollocks arse.

I'm definitely not bastard bloody drinking tonight.

notevenamousie · 14/10/2010 19:20

Messed up. Think I might mess up more...

TheAntiChristi · 14/10/2010 19:23

Can you drink a glass of water inbetween neam

Silver66 · 14/10/2010 19:27

I'm Back!!!!!!!

I missed you all soooooooooooooo much. But had a fab time......

anyone there mouse where are you????

bigfootbeliever · 14/10/2010 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorticiaPerrier · 14/10/2010 19:27

Rightpickle Someone once said to me "Never give up giving up" Be kind to yourself and start again.
at arse bollocks arse. I may borrow that in future. x

diabolik · 14/10/2010 19:30

gave yourself permission is that a euphemism to fancied getting pissed??

HammerMouseOfHorrors · 14/10/2010 19:41

SILVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello my little French chickster! How are you? How was France? How did you do re the not drinking/drinkingless?

Missed you!

Lots of new faces. Hello BigFoot

TheAntiChristi · 14/10/2010 19:43

Hi bigfoot

Seeing as most of us used to drink a bottle of wine a day, I wonder what would happen if the bottle size were reduced/ increased? Do you think we'd stop at 500mls? Drink a whole litre?

HammerMouseOfHorrors · 14/10/2010 19:47

Christi - a whole litre here. And I have dome it. Tesco used to do a litre of Pinot Grigio, my second weapon of choice, and I would nail the lot.

BigFoot - have you had a drink so far tonight?

Silver66 · 14/10/2010 19:47

MOUSE

We had a fab time - will talk about the booze tomorrow.

Knackered and very happy

How's Nemo????????????

All these new people - it's amazing how much this thread does for people

HELLO everyone new and old

Any news of Red?

Missed you all so much xxxxxxxxxxxxx

HammerMouseOfHorrors · 14/10/2010 19:51

No news of Red

Nemo is still the same, poorly and puking.

Glad you had a good time. xxxx

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