The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Offy!!

[Mouseface]

Well, this is our tenth thread so we are throwing a little party!

Everyone is invited! No booze of course, soft drinks and mocktails only!

I'm Mouse, hello.

There are all kinds of drinkers on board the bus. Come and join the journey, whatever stage you are at, drinking, cutting down, wanting to stop or sober already.

Everyone is welcome to post here. Come say hi.

The journey so far is below.

JWN's original thread

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

Thread seven

Thread eight

Thread nine

Job done - I think.
Boys and girls each have their challenges.

My DS can go for weeks just grunting at me at the moment, but I do still get glimpses of a kind, funny affectionate boy.

My DD is going through a particularly good phase - I found age 8/9 testing.
I was always waiting for the "you're not my real mum" rant (she's adopted), what I got was "you're my fake mum" - A nice twist don't you think!?
x

Witchety I'm loving the new look. Kids have the ability to cut you to the core don't they. Mine can achieve this with a withering look, never mind actual words.

I am dreading DD saying that to DH - 'you're not my dad'. I hope that I have/am raising her to have more respect for people than that....

He may not be her real father but he does far more than the sperm donor who is has ever done. He loves her unconditionally. He values, respects, trusts and teaches her. And he tells her that he loves her. Sperm donor never did/does.

HA I've just remamed my sons Fester and Lurch! I am Morticia after all!

i don't think it is a lack of respect that leads to them saying these things - just feeling angry about anything and knowing which buttons to press to hurt the most.

...and however much we can see the bigger picture, there will be times when they can't, and they feel hard done by for missing out on something or someone that is usually just a complete fantasy.

I take it as a compliment that she feels safe enough with me to say those things and knows that I will still love her unconditionally.

HammerMouse may I strongly recommend chocolate eyeballs and squishing skulls. I have been benefitting from their therapeutic qualities today x

MIFLAW

In the end I didn't - read some more and I don't think its for me - but circumstances change so who knows

As for the poor me thing - I grew out of that a long time ago its what I used to do before my previous dry spell. Getting past that is what allowed me to move on from being a shool drop out at 16 to work my way up from a dock worker to my current role as a PM ...

So the ones I now fight with are the

• you deserve it,
• the lets chill out,
• the its friday lets get slaughtered one
• the its spring and such nice weather lets sit in a beer garden one.
• the the footie is on one ( this is a funny one as I never remember the match and basically talk shit to who ever has the misfortune standing next to me in the pub)

and finally - the fuck the world trigger

That last one is the worst one really and always leads to a serious bender - ie I am angry at the world and I then go and down 10 pints in a 100mtr sprint time because I can as if it will make the world a different place ..

The one thing I have realised over the last few days is that complacency is a bitch - So the oh I don't really have problem voice in my head that wont shut up is getting louder and louder and if I don't focus will then lead to one of the fore mentioned triggers ( are they triggers or are they the result of a trigger)

so for now its still one day at the time and maintaining that inward focus and trying to pick up on what my inner voices are saying and then link them to external factors that might trigger them and finding new ways of dealing with it.

So at 1630 I will be off for a swim and sauna

• but it aint easy .. ( right now I am doing a good impression of homer simpson just at the thougt of a beer )

hi can I join in? it's about time I faced up to the fact that I have a problem :(

because of drink I've ruined my relationship, ruined my house and almost killed myself(accidentally), been a shit mother (my kids have had to drag me off the toilet and put me to bed more times than enough) I almost ruined an interview and then when I actually did get the job, almost never made it in on my first day because of the awful hangover I was suffering from.

Yesterday I hit the lowest of the low and started drinking as soon as I got up at 8am, and was passed out by 3. I don't even know why I did it, I didn't even want to drink,didn't feel like I needed to drink, I just did it.

a few weeks ago I stopped, not completely, but drastically cut down - going from 3 bottles of wine a night to one bottle a week, which I drank half of on the friday night and the remaining half on the saturday.

It was good, wasn't drunk and didn't have a hangover, I liked it and it wasn't even difficult to stick to, wasn't a struggle or anything so why!!! why have I gone back to it? I don't want to be a drunk :(

Good point Witchety when my DS was being really horrid, it was as if he wasn't entirely in control, the real boy was hovering just below the surface. There is so much going on for them, physically and mentally as well as outside pressures and peer group stuff. Its a tough time. And to add insult to injury it all happens just as us Mum's start going all hormental. BOLLOCKS give me chocolate eyeball quick!

Hi dichotemy welcome aboard.
Looking back and trying to identify triggers is important - but so is just focusing on the present.
Are you drinking now? Can you say that you will not be drinking today?
If so that's all you need to start.
x

Thank you witchety,I will not be drinking today and in fact have even turned one down!!

Today's main problem is anxiety, anxiety that my family might find out,guilt over what I've done and said,lies I've told etc

Really feel like shit today but hoping tomorrow will be better and the next day better still etc

Hey ditch

Welcome. Have you eaten today? I have chocolate eyeballs which make for interesting bus driving

Oh, I think I must be wearing my giddy knickers today!!

Well done for jumping on Dichotomy, that in itself is a big step. The anxiety you feel is real and rotten but alcohol makes it so much worse, It will decrease you just need to stick with it, hour by hour. Is there something you can do to distract your thoughts.

Why do you think your family might find out now?
As for the guilt - it's a horrible feeling - but most things can be repaired by actions - not by words. So if today is the first day of doing things differently, particularly with relation to your kids - it's a step in the right direction.
Don't think too much about the negative stuff just now. Concentrate on what you have to do.
x

ditch - pare fpr the course, the guilt.

It does ease but only when you stop lying to yourself and others.

You can't do anything about the past and the fuck ups you may have encountered through drinking.

But, together if you will let us help you, you can change what happens from here on in.

I won't be easy but it is worth it ok?

So, we are all on the bus together. Some fall off, some leave at a certain stop and some have a permanent seat!

Whatever suits you is fine with us.

at your chocolate eyeballs Hammer, your a bad influence!

thank you so much :)

witchety, in answer to your question I live in a small area where everybody knows everybody else, and I had a couple of visitors yesterday whilst obviously inebriated early in the day, It is going to travel and my family are going to find out. They will tell me off and scold me, and make me feel even worse than I already do for definite. I really don't see them being supportive and non-judgemental at all.

As you can see, they are making my typing even more shite than normal!!

I'm not seeing the difference between the "poor me" trigger and the "fuck the world" trigger if I'm honest. Don't they both come down to "life isn't fair?"

Or am I missing something?

FWIW my life isn't fair either. But then, if life WAS fair, I'd be dead, so I'm quite glad about that.

Hammermouse you are wonderful! I am sitting here cackling like an old witch! I have done bugger all today and I blame you

HAMMERMOUSE check <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=moblog.net/media/o/n/c/onceupon/halloween-skull-with-chocolate-eyeballs.jpg&imgrefurl=moblog.net/view/911674/halloween-skull-with-chocolate-eyeballs&usg=__By7p0bPRU9isEo9Qb_2ki2YQrsk=&h=387&w=516&sz=67&hl=en&start=0&sig2=4rAhtMMRhawxsv39ZYWiRg&zoom=1&tbnid=dZHoXL4joaCDTM:&tbnh=145&tbnw=193&ei=y721TKHtHsbKjAf_46i_Aw&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dchocolate%2Beyeballs%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dsafari%26sa%3DN%26rls%3Den%26biw%3D1920%26bih%3D1015%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=550&oei=ub21TPOLHYnrOfySucgJ&esq=6&page=1&ndsp=60&ved=1t:429,r:6,s:0&tx=150&ty=62" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this out

ditch, I also find I struggle with the idea of people 'finding out'. But the great thing is, once you stop you can think (and if need by, say), 'I haven't had a drink for x days'.

The basic problem isn't people knowing, or what your family will do if and when they find out - it's the booze. That's the thing you have to tackle first.

Nice to have you on here.

• if need be, not 'if need by'. Sorry!

Dichotomy

I can't speak for your family, obviously - but, in my own case, I was the last one to know that I had a problem with drink.

Harsh that may sound, but it actually put me in a win-win situation (had I but seen it at the time.) If they did already know, then there was nothing to lose, and they would see me getting better; and, if they didn't, then the further I got from my last drink, the less chance there was of them finding out, because I had stopped being quite so "visible".

Morticia

ROFL!!! Ah, thanks. I needed that!!!! You are so funny!!

I may have to go out of the house and buy Hallowe'en themed sweets because of you lot!!

Not doing my diet any good you know!!