Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've done something terrible

142 replies

peanutmarmite · 04/10/2010 12:01

No excuses. Drunk. First time I've ever even considered anyone but DP, I have no idea what I was thinking, I hate myself, I really really hate myself. If I tell him it's all over, if I don't I'm the worst person alive. I think I'm going to jump into a canal, i am the worst person alive.

OP posts:
ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 04/10/2010 12:03

what have you done? In the grand scheme of things it won't be terrible... honestly. stay here and talk, it'll be fine, trust me.

desiretochange · 04/10/2010 12:06

Talk to us peanut

readinginsteadnow · 04/10/2010 12:07

I'm sure you're not. But whatever it is, my gut reaction says dont rock the boat, dont tell.

buttonmoon78 · 04/10/2010 12:08

Spill. I doubt that anything's worth jumping into the canal for. Don't talk to DP until you're calm. Tell us first.

BaggyAgy · 04/10/2010 12:14

Poor thing, but remember to err is human, we all make mistakes. I know I will be flamed for this but I would keep it to yourself. Telling him makes you feel better and makes him feel worse. It could be seen as a selfish act, why destroy his world. Vow not to do it again, avoid all canals and keep quiet. In the olden days people confessed their faults to the priest an no one else, they then got forgiven and moved on. Perhaps there was some value in it after all.

fuschiagroan · 04/10/2010 12:16

Yeah keep it to yourself. It was a one-off

BenHer · 04/10/2010 12:16

It's just a shag.Deep breath and carry on as normal.Might be a good idea to cut down on your booze intake though.

Original poster
peanutmarmite · 04/10/2010 12:20

We've been together for years, I never thought I'd be this person. It just sort of happened, nobodys fault but mine. I hate myself, where is a good canal in the north east? a river would do.

OP posts:
Appletrees · 04/10/2010 12:21

Will he find out?

StealthPolarBear · 04/10/2010 12:22

Right
You slept with someone else?
Realistically, what will your DP's reaction be?

Original poster
peanutmarmite · 04/10/2010 12:23

Only if I tell him but i have to i love him more than anything in the world i seriously have just destroyed my life

OP posts:
IUsedToBeFab · 04/10/2010 12:24

What have you done?

StealthPolarBear · 04/10/2010 12:24

don't do anything hasty!

arsesandoldlace · 04/10/2010 12:25

Sad poor you. ((((un-mn hug))))

buttonmoon78 · 04/10/2010 12:26

No, you haven't. You've made a mistake and realised that's what it was.

Get over it, behave in future (I agree that cutting back on your alcohol might be a good thing!) and whatever you do, leave your guilt at the door when you go home tonight.

I truly think that telling him if you realise it was wrong and that you still want to be with him will achieve nothing. In which case, if you go home and behave like you've done something wrong he'll wonder that you've been up to.

Consider it a kick up the backside to make you realise how lucky you are.

StealthPolarBear · 04/10/2010 12:29

if you are seriously thinking about rivers, call the samaritans

Original poster
peanutmarmite · 04/10/2010 12:30

Thank you for being so nice, I thought I'd get attacked which is what i deserve, i cant believe i was so stupid i just didnt think and i guess if i did think it was that it was one final night of crazy. I really need a river.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 04/10/2010 12:31

We don't need to be nasty - you're doing that to yourself!
Please call the samaritans
Nothing is as bad as you're thinking it is right now
Do you have DCs?

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 04/10/2010 12:32

08457909090

IUsedToBeFab · 04/10/2010 12:32

What did you do?

No mistake justifies killing yourself. Sad

perfumedlife · 04/10/2010 12:33

Don't be daft, forget the talk of rivers. I also think telling dp would only be to salve your conscience and would hurt him. Why not talk to us, give yourself a time line, say a week and then decide what to do?

You are also feeling really bad because drink is a depressant. In a few days the bad hangover horrors will be gone.

Please, take some time to work this out in your head x

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 04/10/2010 12:34

just talk it through for us .... we will ehlp you sort it. Honestly, if the major cause of your distress is your DP, do you think he'd prefer to hear you did something stupid, or be planning your funeral...identifying your body? Take a few deep breaths, lets get this sorted for you and get it all into perspective xx

blinks · 04/10/2010 12:35

if you fully intend not to do it again and want to continue your relationship. don't tell him.

sounds like you need to talk this through with someone. samaritans are good and anonymous.

TotorosOcarina · 04/10/2010 12:35

PLease don't hurt yourself.

Imagine the pain your husband will suffer if you leave him alone with no answers as to why you hurt yourself.

That will cause him more pain than a 1 night stand ever will.

Right, what are the chances of him finding out?

Who was this person? Someone he knows?

You need to start thinking clearly.

shimmerysilverglitter · 04/10/2010 12:37

DO NOT TELL HIM! If he really is the love of your life. Make it up to him in other ways. If you do it you are trying to off load the guilt and make recompense but you will not be, you will just be hurting him and destroying your relationship. If you have no intention of ever doing it again and taking steps to ensure that, then the pain you feel against yourself is enough punishment.

What exactly did you do?