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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've done something terrible

142 replies

peanutmarmite · 04/10/2010 12:01

No excuses. Drunk. First time I've ever even considered anyone but DP, I have no idea what I was thinking, I hate myself, I really really hate myself. If I tell him it's all over, if I don't I'm the worst person alive. I think I'm going to jump into a canal, i am the worst person alive.

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 04/10/2010 12:37

Come on peanut, talk to us. All us women can surely help you see clear here. Please pet, come and talk, calm down, get a coffee, wash your face.

Nothing, and I assure you, nothing is as bad as death. It can be sorted.

RumourOfAHurricane · 04/10/2010 12:37

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geraldinetheluckygoat · 04/10/2010 12:39

I agree that you shouldn't tell him. If you were carrying on with someone and actually having an affair, then that would be different. But you just made a mistake, it is better not to tell, it's made you reaise how you feel about dp, you deeply regret it, what good can come of telling? Deal with the guilt now, and be careful in the future not to get into this position again.

Original poster
peanutmarmite · 04/10/2010 12:42

Sorry I didn't mean i actually intend to top myself, it was rhetoric, sorry.

He won't find out. It was someone I've known a while and always quite liked but who does not compare to dp in any way because no man could. He is irrelevant, it wont happen again. I was a complete fuckwit and am now a slimey pit of regret. I do need to talk but i dont want to burden the samaritans with my bad decissions

OP posts:
Original poster
peanutmarmite · 04/10/2010 12:44

i cant beleive i've become this person. if the shoe was on the other hoof i'd never speak to him again, shiiiit.

OP posts:
buttonmoon78 · 04/10/2010 12:50

Perhaps you would if he was beating himself up as badly as you are? One drunken mistake is just that.

Put in place measures so it doesn't happen again. But please talk to someone. If yu can't talk to anyone else, we're here.

StealthPolarBear · 04/10/2010 12:50

The samaritans wouldn't exist without people who needed them - you do - you need to talk!
How would your DP react (do you think) if you did tell him?

buttonmoon78 · 04/10/2010 12:51

FWIW - you haven't become any 'person'. You are and continue to be human. They make mistakes. What characterises a 'person' is what happens next.

RumourOfAHurricane · 04/10/2010 12:51

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Original poster
peanutmarmite · 04/10/2010 12:54

he would leave me, i would too if i were him.

shiney i think it does i should have been stronger, smarter, soberer Hmm ....

argh. i feel sick, probably due to the shots as well.

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RumourOfAHurricane · 04/10/2010 12:56

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buttonmoon78 · 04/10/2010 12:57

Listen lovey, like I said, it was a one-off. There is no reason to destroy your life and relationship over one mistake.

Come back and talk to us.

buttonmoon78 · 04/10/2010 13:00

Oh, you did!

Don't tell him. Rack it up to sheer stupidity and move on. You are smart and strong. You were drunk so I'll let you have that one.

Get over your hangover and it might look a bit better.

Practical question now... were you protected? Because if you weren't and you manage to do what we're recommending then it could still all come back on you.

Original poster
peanutmarmite · 04/10/2010 13:00

shiney - it was incredible but i feel a lot worse than it was good, i wish it had been totally shite.

definately a one off.

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RumourOfAHurricane · 04/10/2010 13:01

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Original poster
peanutmarmite · 04/10/2010 13:04

Yes.

You're all wonderful

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StealthPolarBear · 04/10/2010 13:05

can you go and have some sleep and think about it after that?
Do you hvae DCs?

RumourOfAHurricane · 04/10/2010 13:06

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buttonmoon78 · 04/10/2010 13:08

I find McDonald's & full fat coke work best for a hangover myself Grin

Original poster
peanutmarmite · 04/10/2010 13:11

that's where you're wrong, i have a huge flashing sign, always wear hold-ups slightly lower than my skirts and have a massive 'slutbag' tattoo on my forehead for good measure.

I'm going to go eat something carby. Thank you for making me feel ok and saving my sanity, i love you all so very much. Worst thing is I have to see the bloke tonight because he will be where I am (work, can't avoid) but I will most definately avoid his cock. definately..

OP posts:
PfftTheMagicDragon · 04/10/2010 13:12

If you have had sex with someone that you actually know in real life then you have extra things to factor into your decision. Not telling your DP when you have done it with a total stranger is one thing. But this man knows who you are and there is an increased chance that it might come out.

What you want less than anything is for him to find out from someone else.

piratecat · 04/10/2010 13:14

hmm, tricky if you are in a situation where you see him regularly in work.

a random one off with a stranger has less implications.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 04/10/2010 13:15

You do not know that this man will not tell someone. And as soon as someone else knows, it is only a matter of time until someone tells your DP. Because poeple cannot keep their mouths shut.

perfumedlife · 04/10/2010 13:17

Glad you are ok peanut, gave us a fright there with talk of rivers Grin

Take it easy today, nothing good would come of telling dh, if you are SURE and positive, its a one off.

Hope the hangover isn't too bad Smile

perfumedlife · 04/10/2010 13:18

Well, if any stories do leak out and back to dh, deny, deny, deny. Think politicians.