ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.8

[teaandcakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Forgot to say Tea ,well done for noticing you are feeling this way and making an appointment with GP ,some times people miss the signs or let it go too far.Too right there is plenty out there to help you and too right you should ask for help.I have experienced this b4 and i think that is why i am dealing with this the way i am .Dont really want to post about it but it is a way of life for me ,i have crashed and burned in my youth psychologically and the lessons i have learned there have put me in a better place now.But there was no need for me ever to have crashed in the first place ,with support from family and friends i would have been in a better place but i had no support ,nobody wanted to talk to me and it was truly awful.You are not alone Tea ,take joy from your friends here and be selective who you share with in RL ,talk to your counsellor ,she will be aware of all the stages you are going through ,take the pressure of yourself ,you are doin so well with such young kids ,you too SOV !!!Keep posting .If we could be round each others houses everyday on a black day it would cheer us all up ,so next best thing is posting ,
Chin up Tits Out ,we have done a great job so far !!!!

Juts little short message:

All the best to AB for move today and hope your new house is good to you

Tea -hugs. DO talk to doc. I would also investigate rescue remedy or the like -it was useful for me. I think you mentioned Divorce Support Group - can you get to one. I really think it would help you.

Patience - hope you hear good news re house

Sov -hope you can get counselling soon - 4 kidds is hard work so give yourself a lot of credit!

Starting -hope you can get an improved deal or work out what best ffor you and kidds.

Hugs to all -got to get back to work now ! :)

Thanks Patience your message actually made me feel more positive and made a difference to how I felt after reading it earlier.

Noah was discharged home today. Still a few health concerns which hopefully will iron themselves out as he grows but it's all good.

Tea, I relate to every single thing you said in your long post. It's hard, so hard, but it will get better and you're young and very pretty, which isn't much help but it's nice all the same

The price we pay for love is grief...that's totally true, I just thought that my grief would be when DH died though. Never thought he'd break my heart.

Good luck Armbow, thinking of you, hope the move goes well. It'll be strange at first but it'll be fine.

Love to everybody.

I'm trying to learn to accept compliments Pink even thought my self esteem is zero, so thank you I do not want to another man though, I'm actually afaid I never will want to have to live with someone again and compromise, or rub along or agree to disagree or anything. Too much hard work for me [bitter and twisted emoticon] Rather be alone. Highly ironic when we were discussing in my long post what I struggle with. LOL confusing eh?

Good grief my post is full of typos. Hopefully you can translate it Pink

Think I clearly should have re-read it first before posting.

" I just thought that my grief would be when DH died though. Never thought he'd break my heart"

Pink that is so what i feel.Although i am starting to accept my situation ,seeing him today brought it all back AGAIN!!!Aargh.he said he would help me to move house and i said no,did he have any idea how that made me feel.He says he isnt going to be a stranger,i said thats exactly who he is.I dont want him in my home .Why dont they understand that they have done the cruellest thing possible to us ,he was drunk when he phoned dcs last nite and looked rough this morning at the handover.I napped on the couch today for 4hrs .I need this good news tomorrow re house i need to start my new life.Tea you are doin fine ,hope you had a good service at church today,i just think we will all use this experience to become stronger women and better mothers .Thinking of everyone SOV you are a true survivor 4 kids is a lot to cope with never mind the emotional pain.Can i just say re friends Tea only one of my friends that was over from abroad recently picked up on the fact that i was raising 2 kids and dealing with such pain.I dont think people truly understand the day to day stuff we all do .Take care of yourselves none of us deserves to be going thru this head fuckery,none of us !

Sending my love to Noah what a wee star !
Good news for you and urs Tea God Bless x

Tea re compliments just to say when someone gives you a compliment dont ever be shy or embarrassed because it is such a positive gift they give to you ,grab on tight to it and keep it with you for as long as you can x

Hi all, had a lovely night out last night and tired today so only skimmed posts.

Tea, wishing you serenity, peace and strength.

Patience, wise words indeed on the last post.

The play is called The Song Of Lunch - watch it.

Love to all xxx

Happy, glad you had a nice night out, much needed methinks .

Patience, I can struggle with compliments too but thinking of it as a gift is lovely. I struggle even more with criticism & on my course we were thought to accept is as a gift from other person (if criticism is given in way to be helpful) but I'm still working on that too as I was more used to the criticism that knocks you down . Your xh has zero insight offering to help you move & saying he won't be a stranger .

Tea, that is fantastic news about Noah. I hope you start to feel a bit better soon ((Hugs)).

Pink, I also never expected xh to break my heart .

Somedays I can still feel really sad over what xh did. It's not that all consuming grief tg or that I want him back but more a stab of sadness. Sometimes I think after what xh put me through that I'm never going to be able to love anyone again & that's a really sad thought. Reality is also beginning to dawn on me that I had a life of extreme highs & lows with xh & I think I'm now going to find anyone normal boring . I've been thinking of this a lot recently because the truth is I already feel totally bored of Norm & realise I just enjoyed the excitement of the chase . I am also realising that on some level I must be v immature & superficial because I seem to want (crave) full on charm, flattery, attention from any man in order to hold my interest . When I met xh he bombarded me with charm, flowers every day for the first few weeks, bringing me to lovely restaurants, showering me in jewelery, taking me away for weekends & fantastic holidays. To be fair to him he continued doing that for most of our marriage & I believe really did love me from the bottom of his heart until addiction & insanity took him into another world. I now feel really f*ked up because no man is ever going to be able to compete with that & yet even though I don't consider myself to be materialistic there's a part of me that associates that stuff with love. Oh God just typing this out makes me realise that a part of me is really craving for love atm. It's not xh I miss it's that feeling of being loved, being important, ah f*k, am feeling shit now I've typed all that.

God that came out all wrong. The material stuff meant nothing & I'm not looking for it again. It's the passion, the intensity, the being loved I'm missing & the fear that I'll never be able to feel that with anyone again.

PMSL at ur post Startin ,i think we are twins.Have had such a head fuck day today keep posting cos i need a laff !!!!I know where i am going but as soon as X starts talking about helping me my fairytale stupid head just wanted a cuddle FFS!!!!!
Aaaaargh !!!Feeling better for knowing i am not alone ,i think it is all about pathways again and comparing our Xs with our future men,but i believe the right one will make me feel good with zero effort IYSWIM and after a few weeks i wont have any anger/addiction/violent warning signs .I guess the hi s and lows of addiction are in me too ,i just chose to jump off that merry go round when i had kids and was shocked that X didnt join me.He went from the merry go round to the fecking roller coaster !!!!!
ps do you mean zero insight as in how that would make me feel , as he thinks it would be a great favour he is doin us
BTW re norm its just helping you find the right one ,the spark doesnt have to be material ,but it does need to be there IME to make it work x

I used to say in my teens that "NO man born of woman "or something like that out of Macbeth was ever going to be around for me Startin'.Then i found my X and we had such a laff but not healthy and ended in a v painful break up,the victim bit in him will always be around ,but i do get the sad stab when i see him,but thats all normal i think.I know that i will find someone and i know i have to be single and confident so that i can meet him.I hope to enjoy some nights out ,and i know i can be impatient about not socialising enough now.But one day i will meet him ,and it will be better than my X ,i will be a better person than i was when i was with my X ,so its all good Startin' it just takes patience x

Well glad I gave you a laugh Pumpkin . Yes I meant that you x is showing that he has no understanding to your feelings. I mean it sounds great & v helpful & all for him to offer to help you move but this is the same man that leaves you down re dc's & has left you in this position .

You're right it wasn't the material stuff, the truth is I was attracted to the insanity & madness . And you're right about pathways in the brain because part of me is craving that again . Think the spark is prob missing with Norm. Saying that if I felt a spark with someone I'd prob go running for the hills as that would prob mean they were bloody insane & mad like xh .

You're right Pumpkin, it's all going in the right direction. I think I just feel more emotional & sad after seeing xh last week (even if it was only for 5 seconds & from a distance). It's triggered me missing the good stuff. Don't take me up wrong, I wouldn't for one second want him back again. But I can be left wishing it had all turned out different.......

ROFL its so true though Startin but dont beat ur self up about it cos i think until i am in a new relationship i wont actually see that side of me ie wot i am truly attracted to,then i will have to have a bloody good look at myself again.I think if you are true to urself then what will be will be,a spark can just mean something exciting in a good way though ,just because i can be a bit random doesnt mean im seriously off the rails.I think if someone is attracted to my lust for life then that is a good thing ,i just have to set my boundaries re other peoples baggage this time,i wont be the rescuer but i still want to have fun !!!!

Just a quick one from me as I need to go to bed soon, I'm exhausted.

Starting, I once read (on a love card from H) 'to find the best you need to try the rest' You will find someone someday who will be equally as passionate and loving, and who floats your boat, don't give up because Norm isn't that one.

Pumpkins () my xh also offers me help with practical things and tries to be nice to me, why the fuck they think that is helping is beyond me. BTW I hope you get the news you want re house tomorrow.

Armbow, I hope your move is going well and that you soon settle in.

Tea, I'm glad that you are going to the GP, maybe this is just what you need to make everyday life a little easier. I assume Noah is your DS and that he's been in hospital? Great news that he is now home x

Well, xh and OW/Not OW will be home now. I'm fully expecting him to announce that they are now a couple, just can't contemplate how I will feel about it. Gutted all over again I suppose. I'm dreading tomorrow

Also, something xh said last week during an argument was that I could have the house and the equity in it as long as things stay amicable, if not then he will see a solicitor and go for half of everything, including the car that I got last week. Does anyone know where I stand on this? Surely he can't claim for half of something I got after we separated? This really pissed me off, I refuse to spend the next however many years afraid to disagree with him incase he threatens me.

Anyway I must go to bed now goodnight all, wish you all a good day tomorrowxx

When me and X were at our best we were so bloody funny Startin' people used to comment on it ,then he went seriously over to the dark side .His laffs were all kept for his "friends "at the pub and we grew apart.I will always remember the happy times and that is what makes me sad now along with missing him physically even for a hug.But i need to keep moving forwards ,i know he could have made an effort to sort himself out but he chose not to, instead he lied and manipulated me ,it is all wrong all negative ,he hasnt given me closure and i have to accept that is something that will never happen now.I just need to close the chapter and move forwards ,take care of yourself it has been a tough week for you .Will post tomorrow morn if i get good news re the house .Hope you have shaken off ur flu now x

Pumpkin, yes think I am having a look at myself again but actually think I was being too hard on myself in previous post. Am confused atm . Think you & chyler are both right, it is love & passion together that I am craving atm. Saying that I don't really want a committed relationship with anyone! See told you I'm confused atm, don't know what I want

Chyler, Sorry to hear you're prob going to get bad news tomorrow ((Hugs)). Maybe it would be a good idea to try & get something drawn up asap legally while xh is feeling guilty over ow. One way or another you can't allow him to hold that over you. Btw Noah is Tea's nephew that was born premature .

Armbow, wishing you peace & serenity for tomorrow ((Hugs))

Pumpkins, also hope you get good news re house tomorrow

Hi everyone, I'm new here (thanks for the link tea). Dh left me 11 days ago after I discovered hes been sleeping with a colleague. I've been so angry with him its made me really productive with packing up his things and getting his name taken off the tenancy and bills etc but today I've just been a mess and I really miss him. I hope this soon passes, I don't like dd seeing me cry and my friends have been unsupportive to say the least not to mention the fact that the fucker doesn't deserve my tears. Tomorrow will be different, I'm going to get out and stop thinking about it

Pumpkins, I had the same with xh but likewise sadly in the end the bad took over the good. You get the closure yourself as time passes. I remember when I used to miss xh physically but that passes too ((Hugs))

Waves to Chyler only advice i can give you is see a sol .What does he mean by amicable anyway ?He hasnt started off well if he is threatening you already.After seeing sol you will be more confident if he trys to threaten you ,start out as you mean to go on ,from what i have read on here they stop being nice as soon as the reality of the finances start to hit them.

Welcome Amber, post again tomorrow & you will get lots of support on here. Sorry to hear you've had such a crap time of it. You need to be v gentle with yourself atm. Do nice things for yourself & allow yourself to wallow if that's what you need to do. It's early days & your head & emotions are bound to be all over the place for the mo. ((Hugs))

Welcome amber ,we have all cried oceans over here but you get a good laff too !!!
Post what you like it is truly shite what these guys do ,look after youself and keep the positive friends around you in real life,only the strong ones will be there for you but they will be friends for life.Look after yourself however you can,chocolate ,cakes crap telly,beauty treatments whatever works for you ,its tough but you will be amazed at what you are about to achieve ,big hugs xxxx