ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.8

[teaandcakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Just to say Sunflower i cant stress enough how important it is to celebrate YOU right now treat urself like you are ur new best pal ever,if you can afford it get a facial ,lots of treatments etc really go 4 it if not DIY beauty nites are good 2 pampering is the way to go ,treat yourself big time ,yes you will sob cry and wail but nourish and replenish all the time this is a hard bloody journey but you are going to see that you dont need some dick like him letting you down and running back to his mammy !

Big hugs !Just found £120 quid might b good 4 a new phone x

ps leaving X the brandy glasses
pps I look fucking great in my wedding photos!!!

ppps i will never drink out of a plain glass again,strictly crystal from now on
Thats if it all survives the journey x

Hi everyone. Reading/scanning/lurking atm as Wallace is taking up a lot of time and energy. But he is lovely and so nice to have a focus away from all the crap of the last 4 months. All my life I thought I was a cat person and suddenly I find out aged 46 that I am in fact a dog person . Wonder what other nice surprises are waiting for me?

Trying to keep up with everyone's news with various feelings for you all. Hi to Sunflower, sorry you find yourself here but you are in the right palce for lots of support. This thread is/was my lifeline and I've still got a long way to go.

Things with xp are fairly cordial atm but then he's never actually been argumentative. iI'm the hot headed one - redhead you see .

Patience, where did you find £120??? I love that feeling of finding a fiver in a pocket that you forgot about but £120 is a real bonus . Hope everything's in place for the move.

I'm going out tonight with DD and her new boyfriend. She is very, very choosy (last boyfriend was 3 years ago) so I am intrigued to meet him. Thinking of you all.

Hi everyone

Sorry have been very absent. New business and DCs keeping me very busy.

Sunny -sorry you had to join us but welcome. Listen to Patience - she knows her stuff!

LC [green] re lovely dog and glad hes doing good

Starting - grrrrrr re H -what more can you you say. Glad Norm is proving a good un so far and too right about no rush.

Patience -dont leave us and PMSL re your crystal and your photos. Youre a class kid!

Pink -you sound moved on a good bit and morre chilled. And great interjections!

Sov - good handling of Xmas -true dumpling and glad things seem improved and too right X should do some childcare and cleaning!

Tea - glad youre getting out and about

WQ -glad you had a boost from a blast from the past - totally understand your feelings though. Good to do a bit if healthy eating etc before Xmas

Getting Glad youve found some indifference -sorry re the H and OW cohabiting but you sound realistic about it.

Rom - you asked re OW and your H. Advice to me re this has been to focus on yourself and what you can control. You cant affect their relationship and it wont be good for you to focus on it. Focus on doing good things for yourself -try to do things you enjoy and suddenly the happinesss in these activities will start to affect you -it wont feel like it at the beginning but it will eventually come through. And assert yourself with H- tell him what you want etc and dont let him keep you hanging on.

My DCs are good at present -have settled down a lot. And we have had some good news re DS getting some long awaited professional support. And DD has made a best friend at school which is what she wanted.

H is being much much kinder to me and DCs. Am not actually placing great store about the future with him but living in the moment really. And having some good times - but I will totally end everything if he doesnt come up to scratch long term. Being a dumpling has really empowered me this way so glad to have learnt this strength.

Have stopped counselling as dont feel the need at present.

In a calm place but also being a much more action packed person like I was in the past before kids. Made a decision re another money earning thing I used to do but abandoned - but have decided to do again.Feel good about that too.

All sounds good MF glad ds getting support x
OK ds 5 and dd 4 helping me now
went into their room and dd is wearing a baby cardigan age 6mths ,big smiles from ds he can hardly contain himself "Look mummy it still fits her !"

LOL Patience How cute are they?

These blokes really have checked out on the marriage and as a father so often. I'm not even sure it occurs to them how outrageous it is when they make statements like enjoying/ needing lie ins etc. My H is only just coming back to some form of reality and responsibility a year on from separation but there's no denying he is relieved to go home and have a rest after a visit!

What's a dongle ? Is it rude ??

Getting, your h makes me feel quite violent, my god what a wanker, he's laughable.
I def think he gets 'Wanker of the month award'

What could we present him with ?

I keep having such a funny image in my head of you with the tissues and his photo...priceless.

Patience, I'm sure you'll get another hungry mousey. I get the odd one occasionally and I love them. The DC eventually make me get rid though. Humane mouse trap, drive to the woods, set them free. They're so pretty aren't they.

WQ, you sound on top form despite everything. Can't believe you've finished unpacking.

Hope you're ok Rom, Sov, Happy, LC, Starting, Tea.

You sound good Mumfun.

I had such a horrid dream again last night about h dumping me. It was so real and painful and sad.

I've got a theary (sp)

when I come on here, I look down the list of threads and some of the titles are so heartbreaking to read and sometimes I look at the OP and I think "You too, your poor woman, I know what you're going through" and the amount of missery and desperation and hurt that so many women are going through at the hands of twunts like ours (some are even worse) it's just unbelieveble and shocking and it makes me despair and feel helpless. It's sort of compulsive and I can't help reading the headings but actually I think everytime I see the effects of yet another twunt on his wife and kids it just brings it all back to me, what it was like for me when I got the old heave ho. It's like everytime I read those post titles I absorb some of the pain in my empathy and it stays in my head and reappears in my dreams.

That was a long theory wasn't it. I'm going to try to stay away from the 'relationship' section apart from this thread. Anyone know if there's a way to bypass it completley and still get on here ?

Welcome Sunflower, all I can say is it does get better but it takes time, lots of time.

That email you sent your h is amazing.

Better go now, you wouldn't believe the amount I've eaten while I've been sitting here......a whole shameful mountain of stuff. I wasn't even hungry. Bugger

Just sat down for a bit only 2 boxes to go so its not really happening all a big mess so will stay up and see if i can get things sorted company didnt have enough boxes to give me but that is 22 packed and 5 little uns .

Ok just watched Eastenders shouldnt have sat down need to sleep now feckity feck feck

Good luck with the move today hopefully being busy will help carry you through x

Hi all

Lurking and having probs keeping up.

Lots of luck for today Patience.

Nice to see you back MumFun and Pink

Waves to all........x

Good luck with the move Patience.

pink if you look up the top there is a "customise" option. Click in there and then scroll right down to the bottom and follow the instructions:

Ignore topics in Active Conversations

You can opt never to see certain topics in Active Conversations or opt in to see the Special Needs topic (which otherwise does not display). To manage these options (and your list of hidden threads, if you have any), go here

Thanks Tea

thanks v much for all the welcomes!!
i will try to keep up with wots going on with you all whilst running around picking up swampfires n humungosours

well this morning is the 1st day i have woke up n thought an not sure i would want him back even if he gave me the option
maybe am starting to heal...

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Waves to all........

Quick post so will catch up properly later.

Welcome Sun, glad you're feeling good this morn.

Patience, will be thinking of you today & wishing you the best of luck in your new home. Am also hoping you get the broadband sorted & don't disappear on us!

morning all.......

Patience , thinking of you and your dcs today - hopefully this is the start of a great phase of your life, you deserve it. Keep making yourself lots of tea to drink

getting, hope you haven't given up on the health eating already i am going hungry for you you know (joke)

hello sunflower, hope you are ok today and that you are getting support from this thread, i found this thread to be a lifeline in the first few days. it is a totally safe place where you can say whatever you want because nobody will judge you.

I had my first divorce thingy last night - felt a bit of a fraud tbh, everyone there seemed to be so scarred still (some were 2 years in). i know i have my off days but why am i taking it so well only 5 months in????? it scares me you know, what if i am still in shock and all of a sudden WHAM it hits me i am sure i loved my h and in many ways i still do (but his old version) so it can't be that i never loved him in the first place.

i am rambling now but for those of you who are just starting out - thinking rom, doris, sunflower then take me as an example if you like that sometimes things move quite fast in a good direction - don't get me wrong i am not healed but my thoughts are no longer consumed with hurt or self pity and more often than not my worries are practical ones and just feeling lonely in the evenings - nothing really to do h any more.

(still rambling )

The girls can vouch that when i first started posting back in june i was a mess - very upset distraught was the word i used and i was utterly distraught. i sat in my house for 3 days with the curtains shut as i could not face the world. now i have a new house (sold the old one) a new job 9working from home) and me and the dcs (both under 4 years old) are getting a new routine and we are happy.

(h on the other hand is becoming worse health wise and emotionally, he is still with ow as far as i know)

anyway not sure why i wrote all that but thought an update would be good

Thinking of you Patience today - good luck in your new home.

WQ - great update and yes you are doing amazingly

Wave to everyone else -got to go work now :)

f*ck not sure about this.....
just agreed to go on a family day out with h and the dcs, including lunch tomorrow

feel all weird, suddenly want to go and get my hair done and put on my fake tan. i have a knot in my tummy already. and i feel a teeny weeny bit sick.

and all this after me dong my nice little speech this morning

h also wants us to do joint pressies for the kids at xmas,,,,, aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

tea- how the hell do you resist the compulsion to get all dolled up when you go on your days out with your xh??? Perhaps you don't get the urge because you are a lot further down the line than me???? how do you act, aloof yet polite ????

ladies i am in a panic, i have to go because h is not happy being on his own with the children because of his illness (still not diagnosed but has some very worrying symptoms) so there is a practical need for me to be there.

this little voice in my head is saying
"show him what he is missing"

i can't shut it up, but i don't want to feel like this.

anyone got any advice, coping mechanisms?

WQ - doll yourself up and let him see what he is missing, it will make you feel good!

I went to a Divorce Recovery workshop when ExH left me for OW, I found it really depressing. I also hope I can move on as well as you have, but this time round I am struggling, I think I found out what love was when I met DH, shame he trashed it and threw it in my face for a woman half his age!

Patience good luck with the move.

Be back later, just a fleeting read, back later.

I don't know WQ. I'm not remotely physically attracted to him anymore and couldn't give a stuff what he thinks I look like We behave like old friends, no touching or hugging but light banter and friendly iyswim? However this happy medium has taken a year to get to and he respects me.

We're off out with the LOs to a firework display tonight together. What do you guys all think of the Discussion of the day on Sparklers? A lot of people are saying never below age 5, however I held one with my DD when she was only age 2

Hi Everyone

snuggled up under a blanket for the night now I think . Where I was miffed at not taking dc to fireworks tonight now I am glad I will be inside watching TV !

WQ you are doing great

Romney keep strong

Sunny hope you are still having a better day

Hello Happy and Mumfun

Pink I agree sometimes reading yet another thread where someone has been ditched is depressing but I often post on the basis that it helped me to get advice. Sometimes it has the opposite effect in that it will show me how far I have come.

Well not much to report had a mock computer test today and I am doing ok ish !! Still a long way to go.

Back later

it is pissing it down here, glad i had no firework plans.

blanket sounds lovely getting, hope you are going to watch a good feel good film.