ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.8

[teaandcakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

LC good to hear from you even if the news is all a bit bleak , you really are getting it from all angles. I guess positively your dd is ok and you know more than most how awful the consquences of car crashes can be.

I hope everything goes ok with your ds and his surgery , dont the assailants have some responsibility to pay towards this ? Hang in there LC you're family are lucky to have you

LC - I missed your post at your DD. Glad she's ok. Sounds like you have so much on your plate right now with your DS next op and your ex too. Sending you ((hugs)) lady and positive vibes x

Aah thanks, gals. I'm ok. DD is fine but she was so flustered when it happened she didn't take the woman's numberplate just exchanged phone numbers. Turns out the other woman is fine and has admitted it was her fault so it's all ok. But dd's Dad (my xh, not xp) gave her an earful for not getting the numberplate and now she has the hump with him. I just think men are so crap really. They can't even pretend to say the right thing, can they?

OK taking the flat much smaller than my house which is tiny anyway but its clean and freshly painted .Will have to chuck loads as no storage at all but i wont be homeless.Very emotional ,pretty overwhelmed , have lived here for 12 yrs in wide open space with my sheep and cattle ,now i am a proper townie ,cant eat but at least ive stopped smoking .Thanks for thinking of me AB ,need to walk and say cheerio to my trees x

oh patience, (I am not putting the sad face down because i know you don't like that) glad you have somewhere but also sorry that you have to leave a home you love.

new start, new you.

Thanks AB and well done for remembering I hate the sad face LOL!!!!Got a good vibe off the house just need to try my best but lots of tears 4 now all normal,had my babies here just enjoyed my fresh air and privacy,just feel like my heart is getting ripped out again ,but i will cope ,i have with everything else just another twist in the road of life ,maybe there will be nice neighbours x

Patience - please you have found somewhere to go, I know it not what you want but at least its a roof for you and your DC. Look after yourself.

AB - is this a permanent name change? Hope you exchange some good emails with your affinity Match! Go girl!

LC - You are such a strong lady, I really admire you, hope everything gets sort with your DD car, I expect its a write off if it was a 4x4 versus Ka.

Hi to Tea, Starting, Pink, Sov and Doris.

I have been lurking but not posting. I have had a really bad day today, but tomorrows another day and hopefully I will feel stronger.

Counselling on Tuesday was good, she was trying to make me see that the person I want back isnt the person who left, he is different now, and would I want this new DH back? I know shes right, but spoke to DH today and asked the same old questions and still got no answers, then got really angry with myself for asking them, I had promised myself I would do that! He probably hates me now for being a broken record.

i know how you feel patience, i had the same feelings when i left my old house, i had my babies there too and every room held so many stories for me.... but in the end all things must come to an end.

it is just bricks and mortar, the memories (and your babies) will be with you forever.

huge hugs for you.....

Oh Patience it is truly truly crap that after 12 years in such an awesome place you're having to move into a small town place. I'm so sorry. You're a fighter and an amazing woman and maybe this place can be a pit stop for now until somewhere better comes along? Sending you huge ((hugs)) too x

yes i said to the agent when i make a cool million i will be better able to afford what im looking for x

Thankyou for everyones support ,i will be rural again b4 i know it ,at least flat is warm clean and situation is sorted,even got a dishwasher ffs x

Only just catching up have been busy working on college stuff by night.

Patience, feel so sorry that things didn't work out for you with your house ((Hugs)). Feels unjust somehow but I admire your positive attitude. It's a good idea to look at it as a temporary thing. Really hope something v positive comes out of this for you such as you making great new friendships etc.

Rom, sorry you've had a crap day ((hugs)). Don't beat yourself up over asking dh same questions, we've all done it. Your counsellor sounds v wise. When I used to want xh back it was the person I thought he was rather then the person he was (or became?). That reality didn't stop the pain though but it does get easier with time.

WQ, I had forgotten you were on Match too, hope you enjoy it & have some fun with it which you certainly deserve . Felt very proud of you when I read how you didn't let xh drag you down . Lol at divorce workshop not being a dating agency .

LC, so sorry to hear your getting such a hard time of it again atm. I know exactly what you mean about there being nobody there to support you, I have often felt this too. Like you, this thread kept me going during some really bleak times last year. On the plus, tg your dd was ok. Giving your xh the benefit of the doubt perhaps he was just in shock & focusing on something stupid rather then dealing with his fear of dd's narrow escape. I'm saying this because my own father tends to react like this at times but his heart is always in the right place (but perhaps I'm wrong & your xh is just a twat ). I think you need to detach from xp for now, he needs to be man enough not to dump his crap on you & deal with the consequences of his own actions himself. Again like already mentioned should your ds's procedure not be covered by person who assaulted him? Or is there some public insurance to cover innocent victims of crime?? Is it worth checking this out, or maybe you've already done this? Big dumpling ((Hugs)) to you & this too shall pass. Make sure you keep doing nice things for yourself even if it's only something small, little treats to make you feel better etc.

Getting, you are completely forgiven for your temporary lack of compassion with xh's injury . We're all human afterall & a woman scorned etc!!! Glad you've found a new feeling of freedom in relation to xp, it is so good to reach that place

Tea, hope you have a lovely day at wedding & that you don't find it too emotional ((Hugs)). On the work front, I would go with the paid option as I'm sure you could put the extra money to good use.

Doris, welcome . Don't beat yourself up, I think most of us have that in common that we tried v hard to save our marriages but it takes two & unfortunately most of our x's were not interested. I think it is far easier to heal & move on when you know you did everything possible to save your marriage. Hold you head up, you've done yourself & your 4 dc v proud.

Hope everyone else is doing ok atm.

Happy, I know I shouldn't say this but really hope you're not getting too lost in bible as I much preferred when you were looking to s**g musicman . Hope you're having some fun too whatever your up to . Also hope life in general is calm atm for you.

Waves to Pink, Sov, Mumfun & anyone else I'm forgetting.

Still off cigs, still no news of maintenance , Norm still away, dc's on holls this wk so lots of out & about & fun stuff. Anniversaries of deaths from last year have also started so lots of emotional stuff also going on.

Really late but just noticed your post, Starting (have not read rest yet). Would it be ok if I get into the bible, still continue to seek a sh* (f** knows where) and chat with musicman too. Musicman is good for my soul and helps me to return to the funself that disappeared when mum died.

Oh Pumpkin, great news on flat - not necessarily the best but all part of the journey .

I can't do DJ tomorrow but maybe Saturday? Sorry, but you do without me if you want to - I don't want to stop the dancing and there are girls who need to party .

Patience I can imagine how you are feeling , your love of nature and the countryside has always come through your posts. Even though you wont be living there you will still have a car and be able to get out to lovely scenery whenever you like in spite of actually living in a town. A dishwasher is nice too !!

Starting hope you get through all the sad anniversaries and well done on still not smoking.

Happy I am glad you are tapping into fun and your young self , I wonder if musicman isnt going to end up growing on you ...? I hope your family are ok and those troubles are improving a little.

WQ fixed a date yet ? Hope campaign you forges ahead today

Tea enjoy the wedding dont forget the kleenex, I have just realised how close it is to your anniversary

Romney what your counsellor said about wanting back a man who doesnt exist really struck a chord - thats how I kept strong in the early days knowing xh I met had long gone. Its so early days you will have crap days but you can always come on here for support. Hope today is a bit brighter for you.

Well my live in the moment plan came off yesterday and I had a good day got lots done. Had a long chat with my bf who goes from one relationship to another and often knows from the outset that its wrong but just wants to be with someone. I was saying that even though I have always been with a man since about age 14 I am happy being single. I couldnt really explain why apart from the need to get to a point where I am me and happy with that and not wanting to start bending myself into different shapes in order to please a particular man. Also when I was existing in my marriage if I glanced at the possibility of being single I was terrified but actually its a nicer life than I would ever have imagined.

The only thing that did occur to me was if something happened to me like has xh who would look after me the way ow and her cohort of a family are him ? Mind you how glad am I I dont have to listen to his bad moods because hes in pain !

Waves to everyone . Dont vanish Doris and where are you Sov ?

Well thank you all for your very kind words.
Even though I wouldn't want him back and have put up with so much rubbish I feel so bad now that I've decided to divorce. I suppose before I always had some hope that he would get his head out of his arse and realise what he was losing and that he would think "oh my god you have been a fantastic wife - what am I thinking. I have treated you so badly" He would then have proceeded to beg, plead and do whatever was necessary to regain my trust and love.

The reality was he would say some of the above and then sneak back to the ow whenever he started to miss her. His actions never matched his words.

WQ - thanks for saying I can sit with you. I too put all the effort into our marriage. He on the other hand had a life of riley. His own exclusive social life. Holidays with friends, very regular overnight stop outs at the pub or friends house etc. I was left looking after the children single handedly, doing all household tasks and helping run his business.(He always referred to it as our business when he wanted me to help - since mention of the divorce it has all become HIS) He didn't even put the bins out. So when I discovered the affair I remember thinking It should have been me having the affair. What has he got to be unhappy about.

I already have a house (bought it last year when he was caught meeting up with her again) So I am in a good position. My children are 16, 14, 13 and 11. I don't know what we will tell them. Thanks to me covering his dirty tracks they don't know the details although they know there was an affair right back from when I first found out.

I will learn all your names and details and can hopefully offer some support. But i'm sorry at the moment my head is spinning. Take care everyone.

Happy, so glad to hear the persuit of religion will not mean an end to the persuit of a s*g!! . As you know I tend to do a good job of combining a spiritual life & a wild sx life so it can be done .

Getting, count your lucky stars that you don't have to mind xh atm! I think most of these men were so selfish they wouldn't have been there for us anyway if something went wrong so a lucky escape all round!!

Doris, I used to feel exactly the same about xh & was so sure he would come back begging forgiveness etc. I think the hardest thing I had to do was give up on the hope that it would all be ok. It took a long time but I am now so glad he made no effort at all, it made life so much easier as the decision was taken out of my hands.

Well Starting, pursuit of a sh** yes, but will it ever happen?

At this stage pursuit of a spiritual life does seem to be more successful than the sh**gin sadly.

Bit grr this evening as XH has been around and acted like a bullying little twunt. Will be so glad when I am totally shot of him but sad that despite the fact he was better a few weeks ago, he now seems to have reverted to type

Thanks for coming back Doris, we'll show you a good time.

Getting, despite everything, am so pleased to be single, still can't get over it

hello all

just checking in .... we are busy pumpkin carving and costume making here

feeling ok now, depression seems to be lifting (fingers crossed) have been taking lots of walks and getting early nights.

got a couple of late night texts from h - woe is me blah blah blah - i ignored most of them one however got me really worried about his state of mind - he is not in this country at the moment so i don't know what he thought i was going to do about it -

he says things like...... "my world is not the same any more, i have messed it all up"

i have this real feeling in my gut that he is going to turn up at the door one night soon and ask to come home. it is a very strong feeling and it is unnerving me, of course i would love it if he did do this, if only to prove that he f*cked up and it would be tempting to take him back

maybe i am living in a fantasy land BUT the feeling is not going away.

WarriorQueen........"home" for him doesn't exist for him anymore because it had to be sold.!!!!!

Some of your posts really make me laugh and you're coping so well, I think taking that twit back would prob be the wrong move at the moment. Yes he f*cking has messed it all up....loser. He needs to get over himself as all that self pity in a man is very unattractive and annoying innit.

Hi to everyone [hsmile]

happy - i am with you on your quest btw also feeling the need LOL!!!! sorry to here BE is returning to his old self.

doris - nice to hear that you are in a secure financial position, that should help you on a practical level. well done for reaching a decision sometimes it does no good to procrastinate

"I suppose before I always had some hope that he would get his head out of his arse and realise what he was losing and that he would think "oh my god you have been a fantastic wife - what am I thinking. I have treated you so badly" He would then have proceeded to beg, plead and do whatever was necessary to regain my trust and love. "

I still feel like this but try and block it - although with h's current behaviour it has come to the forefront again

my match man is nice we have been emailing back and forth but he seems a bit of a drop i like a man to take the lead he seems to be dithering a lot ..... i am going to give him 2 more emails to say something that will hold my attention or he is flirted he may be good looking but i think he is boring

yes it is NOT sexy pink lol!!!!!

hope you are ok

WQ tee hee presume you mean a drip !!

Just read your post need to think before responding but glad to see thread is alive !!!

Hi Pink took kids to see Traces today they loved it

Lol yes meant drip !