ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.8

[teaandcakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

OK bit hasty re house but should have it til end of year though,received legal docs today in post.Dont want to write much but basically last day to do it was yesterday so i thought fab i have a good bit to get sorted ,but got docs today dated yesterday.Back on the phone to SHELTER.

Getting i think sometimes i just get pissed off that my X takes no responsibility for his mess and the care of our kids ,but hey what can i do about it sweet FA so DETATCH,DETATCH,DETATCH x

Glad ur are feeling better WQ you will be a star pupil at workshop ,a force to be reckoned with Q!!!!

Feeling confused now about your housing situation Patience. Really hope Shelter helped today.

Thinking of applying for a job in a Children's Surestart Centre, it's 16 hrs a week and is both admin based but also working with mums and dads and running a few childrens activities. I really like the sound of it and it'll work well, whilst I continue my studying with OU. As to do the next course, I actually need to be working with pre-schoolers. I suppose I could just do some voluntary work with my DD's pre-school instead though? I've been out of work for 3 years now and used to work in Financial Services in admin, but have done loads of voluntary work with kids over the years. Hmmmm trying to decide what to do. Think I'll sleep on it.

I would get paid Tea you will be better off financially and get you back into work but only if it helps with course if you have to volunteer on top of that then lots of hours if ur on your own with 2 wee ones.

Re house if documents hadnt been served today i would have had another 6mths added to my end of lease date and legally i would have been fine to stay here until other house i was looking at with a little garden was vacant..Legally the landlord has to give u 2 mths notice b4 the end of ur lease .I thought i was safe because yesterday was the last day they could do this but today i got the documents dated yesterday so they are legally within their rights to evict me on boxing day.If im not out they will have to raise legal proceedings and Me or rather my X would be liable for all landlords court costs.

Can i just add my X is taking NOTHING to do with any of this,I understand it is all part of his behaviour but sometimes i just cant help shaking my head in disbelief.

Hello

It's Doris. I#m sorry to just drop in and then disappear. I am in awe of you all. I have made a real hash of this whole saga but hope I am finally getting a grip.

My H has been having an on off affair for 4 yrs I belived that one day he would wake up and realise what a twunt he was. Unfortunately that has not happened. I have put up with far too much rubbish and been a onderful resilient doormat. Probably a turtle mat but today ladies I saw a solicitor.

My H is like patience H. He is out for a good time. His social life is the most important thing to him and me and 4 kids are are a bit of an inconvenience. Especially me who just wont move on and I keep on trying to save this sham of a marriage.

I also relate to Tea. But Tea you were wonderful in not putting up with this. He continued to see OW so you split. I am a nutter and decided to carry on trying to make him see the errors of his ways.

I have let him walk all over me and then come back and spit on me. I feel totallY nadequate to join you lovely ladies.

My rl friends have been wonderful. But I need a 2x4 (american for hit over the head). I truley am ashamed of my belief and trust in him.

Well no more ladies. I am striving to become a dumpling. I shall put the children and myself first.

Dumplings I salute you

Hi Doris

Good for you..it can be hard to let go and it was certainly important for me to feel that I had tried my best.

You stay strong now and keep talking with us.

Doris if you read my original thread it was mumsnet that helped me come to my senses and begin divorce proceedings, so not that wonderful Doris

Welcome

Need to go and get ready, STBXH is coming over soon and we're going to go to a family fun day at a school which includes arts and crafts, games, fire brigade, face painting, soft play, pumpkin soup, autumn kebabs etc sounds fun. It's a year ago today that the affair came out and I moved out with the children in shock. Hoping that somehow we'd work things out but we didn't. Never would have imagined a year on that the divorce would be almost complete and that we'd be co-parenting the children amicably. Feels bizarre. Who knows what's to come yet though, as OW finishes her degree next June and may move in with him then. Now that will be hard.

Tea, while I remember, my bible is old and says New International Version on it

Hope the day goes well for you x

NIV is fairly modern, better than King James Although King James is quite nice with its Victorian language Anyway I digress...

Welcome Doris. Its never simple and you shouldnt berate yourself for what you have done , I let my xh walk all over me in different ways for years and in the end it was him who left !!! As Happy said now you have made a decision keep strong and let it out on here as much as you like

Tea I think the job sounds like a good idea , certainly no harm in applying and seeing what happens. Glad you have something planned for yoday , the anniversaries are hard but someone said to me on my recent one to remember its just another day really. Also you have a lot to be proud of you have carried on bringing up your dc well and have a good relationship with your xh in spite of everything which is a great achievement.

Well after a rubbish day yesterday I am determined to get back in control and put all the financial issues out of my head. I seem to have lost the ability to live in the moment and focus on all the positives in my life which was something standing me in good stead for the first months of the split.

Yes this limbo is frustrating but its not life threatning and the dc are great , I have lots of friends , I am working towards getting work and overall I am very happy. The way xh was speaking to my on the phone yesterday ie patronising and at times offensively was a timely reminder of how I so dont miss him.

I decided to clean ds bedroom yesterday and I saw a photo on his pinboard I hadnt seen before. Its of xhs mlc car parked to showcase it on street in Italy with xh standing next to it wearing a style of clothes I havent seen before ie too young for him. I stared at it for ages and thought my god you are so shallow you actually believe owning that car confers some kind of magic on you and that really you arent a wanker who lived it up for years and then ditched your wife and kids but someone important. I feel relief that I am not saddled with someone who has that view of the world and who to me doesnt get whats really important in life at all.

Anyway today is lovely and sunny and I am going to make sure I enjoy it !

Waves to everyone

good morning everyoone and welcome to doris

Doris, it sounds to me as though you spent years trying to save your marriage and there is NOTHING wrong with that at all - it shows that you are a good person who was willing to her absolute best to make things work for her and her family. sadly however (like most of us on here) there came a point when no matter what you were doing it made no difference. but as getting said, at least you can say you did 100%. You can come and sit with me if you want, I have been known to be a bit of a doormat too but i have name changed and am going to put me and dcs first from now on. you see up until a few days ago i was still in "couple" mode ifyswim, in as much as i would always consider h's feelings before i did anything (silly aren't i?).

so now we have 2 lovely dumplings with 4 dcs (doris and sov ) how old are your children doris?

today is the second day of my

LOOK AFTER YOURSELF CAMPAIGN

divorce workshop is booked (the lady i phoned went to great lengths to explain it was not a dating agency )

have a good day today tea, btw i say go for the paid job.

getting - good to hear things are moving forwards with the job hunting

patience - good luck with the house

starting - keep on kicking those pesky cigs into touch

hope happy, sov, pink, mumfun, romney, chairmum, lc and all dumplings are feeling positive today.

Doris you are in the right place x
WQ glad ur feeling good
Tea enjoy ur pumpkin soup
Getting re photo i just look at stuff now and think what a tosser
Startin hope ur cool
Happy r we up 4 tunes soon
Sov come back and pick me some straight leg jeans with button pockets on the back and not bleached down the thigh, purlease ,went to river island the other day but nothing.
Waves to Pink MF Rom et al

Going to see a flat at 5pm ,right in town but staying open minded ,just feeling flat IYSWIM thought of moving house is giving me palpitations would rather get pampered for a fortnight somewhere warm then swim in the sea and lie on a beach .

patience, have you been on one of your walks recently? i am asking because i have just come back from lovely walk along the river and i feel as though it really helped me clear my head.

tea - i am having butternut squash soup today - never made it before so it will probably taste minging - at leas i am trying though eh? [sile]

If it's good give me the recupw WQ as I have a very old Butternut Squash in my fridge.

Fab time at the family fun day. Really good, the kids loved it.

WQ am loving the campaign trail we seem to be thinking alike today

Went for a run and the scenery is soooo stunning at the moment, that little window between extreme leaf colour and bare branches.

Its given me the energy to have continued my other campaign which is sort out the house and I am nearly done now. Next week when the dc go back to school I want to have a clean sheet to launch my next emotional phase. There are a few things that have been bothering me but for whatever reason I let lie. I had a realisation last night that xh is completely detached from me and the residual care which lingered after he left has now gone and I am simply part of the business of divorce. However finally I feel exactly the same yipeeee.

ooooooooooooohh well done getting on getting to that stage - well done on your run too.

tea - soup was good actually (will get recipe and post it later on)

so more lovely things for myself tonight.....

bath&book
salmon&white wine
early night

..........heaven

oh and everyone will be so proud of me....h text me earlier and tried to drag me down with i into his pit of despair, i text him back to tell him i was faaaaaaaaar too busy to talk .

Glad you managed to work out what I was saying with typo WQ

Well done WQ and Getting I have a night of pampering ahead, as I'm off to a wedding tomorrow, bit bizarre on a Friday but I suspect as it's a cathedral, it was more a case of when the venue was free. So I want to make sure I look fabulous tomorrow, even if I find seeing a wedding hard.

OMG OMG OMG - cute guy on match alert

i have come over all giddy

Hello all. I've been lurking and taking in all the various ups and downs. Patience, I hope you get your home sorted out soon. Don't underestimate the toll this is taking on you, hence the weight loss. You must look after yourself, you come first. And I must listen to your wise words of detach, detach, detach. That must be my mantra.

I've got so much on my plate at the moment. DD had a 4 x 4 crash into her Ford Ka yesterday and the 4 x 4 won easily. Luckily nobody was hurt but DD has never had to deal with insurance and garages etc so I've been helping her out which is what I'm here for and I want to do it. Big ds is coming home this weekend for the next phase of his jaw/dental surgery. He has an assessment on Monday and all being well he will get a date for removal of metalwork holding the bone graft in place and insertion of the first part of the dental implants. And of course I will be picking up the bill which will be very big indeed. Then I've got XP heading towards a breakdown and showing all the signs of acute depression. He's in a bad way and whilst I know he brought it on himself I can't help but feel sorry for him. Stupid fool. And I think, so who is left holding everything together? Who is that everyone else turns to? I have to keep going for little ds. I have no choice. And I have nobody to turn to because they're all turning to me. I'm not exaggerating to say that you dumplings are like my parents and the sisters I never had all rolled in to one. And that's a mighty big dumpling . There, I knew there'd be a smile when I thought of you lot.

Sorry for the whinge.

And I was just about to add, hope you feel a bit better, Armbow. Clearly, you are .

WQ didnt even know you were on Match

Tea it will nice to look and feel your best for tomorrow and you never know who might be there

Well I know this is small minded and evil but am savouring fact xh is in extreme pain from an injury playing football when he should have been focusing on our dc which is his only relaxation as he is at work all week long. I shall revert to genuine sympathy but for now its karma as far as I am concerned

Blasted hyphens mine never work !

actually it is match affinity -the one where you have to do lots of tests and they match you up with compatible people.

so far wierdos not my types have come through but this one, he is niiiiiiiice, we have swapped photos

lc - bloody hell, hope your dd is ok, and your older ds, you are very strong for your kids and it is very inspiring, it has all come at once for you hasn't it? hopefully very soon it will all calm down and you can have the peace just to be alone with your thoughts. hope you are ok.

getting - your reation to your xh injury sounds normal to me.

getting - my hyphens work

I think you have to strike out each word individually, so surround each word with two hyphens, if you see what I mean?

Shattered tonight, the DCs have been in bed since 6pm, as they were both super tired after a busy day. I've just finished picking up toys, washing up etc. Need to paint my nails yet but I'm contemplating whether to wait until the washing has finished and I've hung it out first on airers. Sometimes I think my nails are dry and then do something and mark them. [perfectionist emoticon]