ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.8

[teaandcakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Armbow, I'm hardly the best person to advise you given my own behaviour at times but don't do anything on facebook. Rant at him and her if you have to but not with not with any possibility of an audience. x

Hi AB, just saw your post - I hate FB too and don't really go on at all nowadays. Am angry for you at what you have seen.

My recommendation is to rise above it if at all possible although if it was me I would either

a) lose it and get angry - just like I did with BE yesterday!!

or b) find an evil more subtle way to let him know I know at a future point (because I am evil)

Armbow - how awful, I used to be able to see OW on facebook through a friend, but I must admit it made me feel so sick (oh and then see worked out I could see what was going on and blocked the two friends we had in common). Try to rise above it and dont look anymore it will only make you feel worse.

Tea - I have read Just Good Friends but that was when I first found out about the affair back in June, I read it in a few days so it might do me some good to now go back and re read, as my brain is likely to be able to take a bit more in now.

Hey everyone,

I have been tired but ok today, thanks for all the support, i think last nights outpouring was about my self hatred at my flirting with the idea he may have wanted to try again and how it made me feel about myself
Have skimmed the posts and LC, Rom i think my X sounds a lot like yours, he struggles to make a decision for himself and procrastinates about everything and it has crossed my mind that he may be waiting for me to make the first move but tbh i am too scared of being rejected to do it and i am now back in the position that if i do and am wrong he may stop seeing the DC again and they are a lot more important than me IYSWIM

AB, not sure how cuts will affect us but they wont be implimented till april 2012 so it will gives us time to figure something out
Sorry you have seen OW FB it is really shitty and why on earth would she add your cousin? i would confront XH on it but i would also have a slight dig on my status so if they seen it they would know you were talking about them but no-one else would understand it IYSWIM

Chyler, if you would like to go to your XH's then go, at least if you start to feel uncomfortable in any way you have the option to leave

LC,I'm not even sure my X could cope for an hour on his own with DC, i stayed yesterday and he struggled then and i think my X does miss what we had it's familiar and i think he wants to try to maintain that but i dont want to just be his friend our relationship to me was more than just friendship, i thought i'd found my soul mate and i hope there's no more dreams for you tonight

Getting, i ask myself the same questions as you everytime i think of X and the text business was probably just him being a man, he probably didnt see a response needed to be made but a thank you would have been nice and btw great DS is doing so well :)Love what DS said to your XH :o

Tea, you changed your name back! well done with pre school today hope you feel better about it all now

Im a very impatient person when it comes to feelings and i wish it would just all go away now, i'm very much a do something about it or stop whining sort of a gal and it really bugs me that i cant do anything about my situation but wait but im going to take a look at that book and hope it may help me and tomorrow when X visits DC i will go clean the bedrooms and try to keep out of the way, hope i can do it as when he gets here i just dont want to leave and i want to interact with him which brings me down when he goes again so need to break that cycle, even if i just sit in my bedroom playing poker, anything, i will try

Rom, Happy, Mumfun Starting, Chair, Patience hope your all ok and also anyone else i've forgotton or who may be lurking take care everyone x

thank you

i thought i would have calmed down by now - i had 2 hours sleep. wtf is she doing making my cousin a friend of hers on fb, this has pissed me off BIG TIME, feels like i am being cyber stalked (seriously starting to feel as though she is some sort of strange bunny boiler what with presents and now this...... ewwwwww)

still don't know how best to handle this - also feel like i have to have this out with my cousin too. i know what i ant to say but i don't think i have the guts to open the floodgates - what if i unleash my inner bitch?? I have tried to remain so calm and see the bigger picture throughout all this so there have been no outbursts AT ALL.

I think everyone has their limits though.

AB that sounds hideous and beyond what I could have dealt with at your stage, actually probably even now. If possible the usual be superhuman advice applies ie do not react or refer to it. It might prove handy at some point wrt money and xh to comment on his holiday activities but otherwise keep schtum.

Sov remember you are human and I think part of the reason you think "Does he want to come back" is that it would mean you werent being rejected, you werent having to deal with all the fallout from everything etc etc. No way should you feel weak or self hatred for the other day. By the way LCs point about how would your xh cope with 4 dc and a broken heart needs to be at the front of your mind you are coping sooo well. If you arent ready to interact then thats fine go out when he gets there today , dont put yourself under pressure to be at an emotional stage that you arent at. Your comment about being impatient and getting fed up with being fed up made me smile and I think everyone would understand that. I think that this time you are going to need to give yourself time and allow yourself to feel crap because this is a big deal and not just some petty incident you should stop whining about. As lots have said before me its a mistake to shut feelings away and try and move on when you arent ready.

Well I got a great nights sleep and feel sooo much better than yesterday.

Talking to two different people yesterday about xhs email saying things might be changing - both commented on how amazing it is that so many men get a pay cut/ have reduced working hours just at the point of having their maintenance payments calculated . I would never have given xh credit for underhand behaviour but I am wondering now... Best to wait and see what he comes back to me with next week I suppose. Luckily I have a really fab dc free weekend lined up so I am determined today to bury my head in the sand and kid myself it'll all be fine until I hear from him next week

Hope everyone is ok - Patience and Starting you are very quiet hope its in a good way.

Waves to Tea,LC,Mumfun,Happy,Pink,Romney and everyone

XP AB if you still feel this angry then text something to your cousin, put it in Drafts and if you still feel like this at lunchtime send it to her. All I can say on every single occasion I have been livid about something and held back from comment I have been glad once its died down. I must admit over the year I have sent xh a few texts after something really bad and not regretted it at all. Are you sure you want to enter into conflict with your cousin when really its your xh who is at the bottom of all this iyswim ?

AB remove and block your ex and OW, then you will never see anything they post on other peoples walls either. I did that almost immediately after the affair came out. It's just too painful to see ((hugs))

Not sure about your cousin. Maybe ask your cousin why she accepted her friend request? Can't quite work it out on why your cousin would do that, it is worth her knowing how hurtful you find it, in a non confrontational way perhaps?

right...........

thank you everone - my lovely MN friends always make sense

i have emailed cousin, not emailed h.I told cousin i felt gutted that she had done this especially as she knows how hard i have taken all this.

blocked fb, and considering never going back on. no good has really come from it for me - apart from 1 nice lunch with an old friend and i have her number now anyway.

and i have detached................

Getting, the solicitor arranging the maintenance payments for me is leaving the court order open in such a way that when H earns more money we can apply to the court to increase his payments

Maybe you shouldn't agree permanently to anything at all without a solicitor involved iyswim here?

Fair do's AB if you've deactivated your fb profile. Hope you're ok x

AB wise course of action , that was a quick detaching !!

Tea I do have a solicitor checking it as we go along. I am thinking and hoping this may be a scare tactic from xh and he will stick more or less to what he offered in the first place but now I will a)bite his hand off having glimpsed an alternative scenario and b) be oh so grateful to him for being so generous when he may be having his hours cut. His image is of paramount importance to him and I know hes getting irritated at my refusal to acknowledge how wonderful he is being because he really believes he is !! Anyway thats what I am hoping, not long to wait now.

Hi all

Impressed with detachment AB

Getting - you just watch XH - I know ho slippery they are

Waves to Tea and anyone esle around

Prayers requested please for DS from anyone around just now - important meeting currently taking place that could take things in a better direction

Grr, current stress levels are affecting spelling ability

But having said that I should be slightly more serene as attended wonderful pilates class this am

Prayers sent Happy , you and your ds could use some good news x

prayers duly said happy

found a nice church in my new village - it is lovely.

In a rush so v quickly......

Happy, saying prayers for you & hoping things move in the direction you want ((Hugs))

Armbow, ((Hugs))

Thanks sisters

Well, too early to know really but at least DS and other party survived the event and came out smiling.

AB I am eyeing up churches also but actually still too scared to enter

Ah just had sign to say that one of us will be on line soon..............

Personal counselling tonight - deserves self indulgent . Another chance to talk about me......

oh i have lovely night planned

i have:
face mask
chick flick
candles
wine
new nail varnish
fake tan

and salmon for tea

bliss

oh by the way cousin emailed me back very upset - h and ow had told her that in fact i had left him way before he had met ow - that lie has been dispelled by me now - i really cannot be arsed with him now, also ow goes home tomorrow. all together now ladies

BBYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

what do you all think about a divorce support group ???- there is one just starting in my new village in 2 weeks time - i am curious but scared to go at the same time.

obsessed with at the moment, playing repeatedly ... not really listening to the words which are probably about dodgly but loving Mark Ronson and the tune

Oh how annoying your XH is AB, what a tw*. I think the support group is worth a try IME - am personally up for any chatting opportunity. Isn't that the same sort of thing that you're doing Tea?

hppy that song has remonded me of this

i reckon they would sound cool mixed.

oh cripes that typing was pants

typing nearly as good as mine ... I am on laptop rather than phone but still rubbish at typing

Yep like your tune, one day we will mix them and become famous

Evening all,

Well another visit over with and i survived, X turned up 10 minutes late and before he got in the door said he had to leave by 6 so by the time i did dinner there wasnt much time before he left so had to stick around grr
Had already decided that i was going to detatch and be aloof this evening which i did very well, X kept asking if i was ok as i kept giving short answers to any conversations he tried to start and then sat and played poker online and ignored him completely also when he rang for something this morning i cut him off mid sentence and put the phone down after he had relayed the information he needed to and thought he'd done something wrong as i seemed annoyed explained that no i was just busy :o
No plans for a visit over the weekend as he is busy sunday evening when he's supposed to be coming and said he'd try and pop by either saturday or sunday morning so i said not to bother seeing as the DC are off school next week and just to let me know when he wanted to come, so no idea when he seeing them again but i just cba, feel very tired and drained atm i kept looking at the clock wishing the time away

Got a friend coming over tonight, his XP has stopped him from seeing their son after her NP attacked my friend last week whilst he was holding their DS(2) he is feeling very low and wants someone to talk to so he's coming here, as they say misery loves company :o

Happy, prayers will be said for you DS from me too

AB, glad your sorted things out with your cousin and your XH is a p, i would ask where he gets off telling your family lies, so for you btw your evening sound wonderful but i am wondering where the chocolate is on your list
And divorce support group sounds good, dont be scared to go they will all be in the same boat as you

Hope everyones ok and has a good weekend