ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.8

[teaandcakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

moooooooooorrrrrning everyone, hope we all have a good saturday.

good luck to all the quitters - keep up the good work.

glad you are ok mumfun. waves to all dumplings, keep those chins up ladies

over the last few days i am have really missed some male arms - i think i am going to have to get back out there, 4 months now and i need a bit of male attention.

nothing complicated just a bit of flattery and looking after would be nice. h is out there putting it about in my face so i don't see why i should be a nun. hard though isn't it?? all my friends are paired off and i have no idea where i would meet a man

it is strange too because i know some of my dumpling friends have been put off men for a while but despite all of what i have been through i don't seem to have lost my faith in men. i see my friends with some lovely caring dh's and it is very comforting.

soooooooo if anyone has any great ideas about how to meet decent blokes let me know

oh yeah forgot to say that I had a dream about OW last night I dreamt i bumped into her in a supermarket - she and h were buying vodka - i was buying nappies (that speaks volumes!!!!) I walked up to them and looked at her - she had a very pretty face, but was about 3 foot tall and 3 foot wide, her body was all out of proportion in my dream, i laughed at her and told her that i could put her in my pocket if i wanted to as she was that little. I also said that no wonder all pictures of her were only of her head and shoulders i was a real cow!!!!

Morning all. Still tucked up in bed , it looks cold out there. Thanks for all your messages of support. I'm a bit low at the moment. I think it's because I haven't got a satisfactory routine with regard to xp's contact with ds. I know I should be grateful that he is so involved and hasn't turned his back like your x, Sov, but he's turning up for something or other virtually every day and it's killing me.

Armbow, I'd like some male attention too. I haven't lost my faith in men. I would love to be in a relationship with someone who really cares about me. I definitely want to meet someone else but I'm prepared to wait for the right one. I'd rather have a year of proper happiness than 20 years of doubt and worry. I feel sorry for your friends, getting. I feel like I've been given another chance to find happiness. If only xp would properly let me go.

My parents had a moving love story which I often think of. They were childhood sweethearts aged 11 and eventually married and had children. My dad had a fling which he bitterly regretted but my mum couldn't forgive him and they divorced acrimoniously after 30 years of marriage. They didn't speak for about 15 years and then amazed everyone by getting back together again when they were in their seventies. Neither had remarried. They still lived apart but were really close and went on holiday together every year. When my mum died very suddenly my dad wanted to be the one to sign her death certificate but suddenly changed his mind in the registrar's office. Afterwards, he explained that he didn't want it recorded on the certificate that his relationship was ex-husband as he had been about to ask my mum to marry him again . Mind you, it's just as well he didn't ask her as I suspect she would have told him no. She had real dumpling spirit, my mum .

Armbow, you must have some big pockets! No idea what your dream means but it sounds as if you know that you are the better woman, which you are. I don't think I have dreamt about xp or ow once since we split. Thank goodness. At least that's one place I can get some peace.

Also get urself a nail block Startin and everytime you want a fag ,file ,remove ridges,smooth or shine you have 4 options and 20 nails takes abit of time to get thru it all and helps the cravings to pass ,also good cos u r doin something with ur hands x

Def oxytocin bonding with X ,but wearing off now nearly a year to the day that my bubble got burst,had a v dirty dream last nite about me and my dentist we got snowed in together and he gave me a bit of a check up

LC love the strength of your mum x

green onions

Ready to Start

LC I love that story about your parents , your Mum sounds amazing to end things after being with him since meeting at 11 ??? My cousin had this with her xh too and after 9 months of it she had a melt down .The way she felt was she was grieving over the loss of someone who she was still seeing every other day and it wasnt that she was pining for him and it was too painful but simply that she doesnt want to set eyes on him (shes a dumpling too different story same shit). She asked him to keep away for 3 weeks while she regrouped and now they do a 10 second handover re her dc so contact is minimal and shes much happier. What is it you hear on MN so much ..boundaries LC

AB ow dreams are shit I have only had 2 , yours sounds far more amusing.

Hmm dating again , male arms around me. Yes I think I agree because I have been starved of male attention proper for so many years and it would be nice. For me though I would only be interested in going out , shagging and that sort of thing. Any thought of sharing my home or dc is out of the question really. Where I am at is if I met someone in the course of every day life then fine but I am not yet interested enough to look. Anyway I am concerned a man would hamper my one year transformation process

AB you are still really young and I doubt you will have any problems finding someone as to where ..what about Match after all we know Starting has enjoyed success on there !

Well I am buzzing have done loads of housework ,been for a run and been instructing dd on the art of cleaning toilets (as opposed to 2 for 1 offers Starting )and she has given me a lot of help. Spoken to estate agent and today I am convinced its all going to work out fine , havent felt this carefree in a while

Hi to all, hope your saturday is going well, I woke up and had a horrible feeling that I wasnt going to talk to anyone all day except the dogs! Luckily I met one of the dog walkers and walked and talked with him. Then ended up getting a call out so then had a couple of hours with my guys! So not as bad as I thought.

Out of interest what is the ages of all you lovely ladies. I am 45. I know its too early to say I will never find anyone else, but as I have had 2 longterm relationships in my life both ended up leaving for OW I dont know that I would ever trust anyone else and besides I know my DH is my soulmate and I wont meet another one of them. Did Starting meet Norm on match then?

LC I loved your parents love story, so there is still hope that one day my DH and my paths will cross again. On that note I kind of got told off by WWIFN last night as she was telling me that I am not helping myself and to have any chance of getting DH back (as she feels he still isnt sure of his decision) that I have to tell him I am moving on and then go no contact. I am not strong enough and have been brooding on it a little. I have tried the no contact and didnt feel any better when I wasnt talking than now that we are talking again. I suppose if I really thought I had a chance of him coming back I would try what WWIFN is suggesting but being a pessimist I suppose I dont want yet a further knock back. But at the same time I do hold WWIFN is very high esteem with all her amazing advice.

Waves to all......

Armbow, If you google dream interpretation you should be able to find meaning for main points of dream .

Patience, I always keep my nails pained so can only buff & file etc when I'm repainting them. Norm suggested lots of s*x as a distraction & I'm liking that idea

Getting, I think it's fab that you & xh have come to an agreement . A big bonus is that you're going to save a fortune in legal fees .

LC, that is indeed an amazing story about your parents. I've no doubt that you will get that happiness you are searching for .

Well Armbow I think friends of friends etc might be the best way to go. I know I met Norm on Match but tbh I think the odds were one in a million that we were both on our first ever date & that we clicked! If you are going on the dating sites I'd thread v v cautiously as imo they're full of weirdos .

Anyway am feeling a bit loved up again this morn so there has to be some truth to the whole oxytocin business . Apart from giving me the s**g of a lifetime he also said this was his song for me

Rom, I am 38 but am also juggling 3 young dc's into the mix!

You will indeed find love again, have faith. In principle I agree with what WWIFN is saying but on the otherhand I also feel we are all individual & have to find our own way though this as best we can. I'd keep working on building up your own life, counselling etc & then trust that you will make the decision that's right for you. Also sometimes we have to go backwards before going forwards i.e. I had to take xh back before I was able to finally accept that the whole thing was hopeless & would never work. It would have made no difference how many people might have advised me not to do it, I had to find my own way . ((Hugs))

During their last few years together my dad used to drop hints to my mother like suggesting she buy the flat next door to him when it came up for sale. He was just testing the water but she would say, why on earth would I want to do that and then look at me as if he was completely off his rocker . She had her life just how she wanted it, was happy on her own and knew that my dad still worshipped her. I want some of that please . My dad went to his grave happy knowing that my mother still loved and forgave him and as she never actually turned his proposal down he never had to suffer that rejection again. All's well that ends well.

Just wish i could get new house and start my new life X really hurtful atm and need to see him 2 morrow re kids ,just wish i had never met him .

Reading and lurking today, kids having a relaxing movie day really with popcorn. I'm trying to not fall asleep, the anti depressants seem to be making me very shivery and sleepy so far.

Patience I am really positive the right place will come up soon for you to move to, you deserve it. Sorry your X is still being hurtful, is he still sending nasty texts then? For someone who he is a grown man, he is behaving like a child and it's really below the belt how he's behaving as you've been so good to him all this time. You are a good woman ((hugs))

Romney I am 44 so no way are we too bloody old to meet someone new when the time comes !!! I havent read what WWIFN has advised you and whilst I think her advice is extremely good it is one size fits all which of course it doesnt always. As Starting says best for now to work on yourself ,continuing the counselling and beginning to think about a future without him but because thats best for you rather than as part of a game plan to restore your H to you. Very occasionally I wonder if I had contacted my xh in the short window of a few weeks after he left before officially getting with his ow and tried to talk to him, talk about reconciliation it may have turned out differently. I kept away to give him space and also ( I know this is different for you)because I knew at some level then I didnt want him back. In all honesty I am not sure what difference it makes if you contact them or not.

Patience somewhere will turn up I am sure, just ignore your xh he isnt worthy of your emotional energy. Sendings hugs.

Tea that sounds nice keep snug and I hope the ADs do their job soon

Starting can I ask you something please. Many threads ago you were trying to sell your xhs threadmill and you just advised AB to thread carefully...dont you say tread where you live ? If you only knew the time I spent racking my brains as to what a threadmill could be an then you told me its a running machine !! If on the other hand its a typo then tell me to take my pedant attitude somewhere the sun doesnt shine

Anyway I am sitting in bed with the laptop, my pampering session got downgraded to a shower,and being really indulgent.

Patience, your x sounds so spiteful. I would say he sounds abusive. He probably can't stand that you are moving on without him, that you are the better person. Of course when people say you're better off without him your head knows it's true but your heart won't believe it if you're anything like me. Although you are probably much further down the line than me. Sometimes I wish xp would be a complete and utter bastard so I could really hate him but the worst he has ever called me is a pain in the arse which I took as a compliment because I was trying to annoy him at the time.

Tea, I felt sleepy when I first started the meds although I didn't feel shivery. Most meds of this sort take at least 2 weeks for the full benefits to be felt.

I've been thinking about my parents all afternoon which is always a nice self-indulgent place for me, even though they are both dead now. I'm almost glad that they're not around to see what xp has done to me and ds. They would have been heartbroken, especially my dad.

Starting, glad you feel loved up . So how does this oxytocin thing work if you get the big O with a RR? Don't fancy falling in love with a piece of pink plastic

Romney, my parents wasted so many years being apart. They were unhappy for the last 15 years of their marriage (fling happened when mum was in hospital having me) and then refused to acknowledge each other for another 15 years. Don't wait around for your H. My parents could have both enjoyed long second marriages so probably missed out there. True love might win through but I'm not sure it's worth waiting that long for.

Getting, I'm 46 so I hope I'm not too late either . My mum had several marriage proposals in her sixties and turned them all down. She had lots of fun though.

Falling in love with a piece of pink plastic ROFL LC !!!!!

Lol Getting, my spelling leaves a lot to be desired . Xh finally ended up taking the treadmill in the end & boy was I glad to see the back of it . Sorry for wrecking your head with my typo's

Pumpkin, sorry to hear your xh is pushing your buttons atm. As you know I had similiar stuff with xh & it really is abusive. Detach, detach, tis the only answer ((Hugs))

Tea, lovely to have a relaxing day like that. Hope the shivery feeling passes though & that you feel more energised after a day of rest.

LC, pmsl at oxytocin & RR

Just had the misfortune of walking straight in to BIL in supermarket (same person who turned up in court to support xh & presumedly testify that he was never violent despite police witnessing him in action ). He ignored dc's & me. He never fails to trigger a rage in me when I meet him . My dc's were a bit away from me looking at halloween stuff & eldest dd came running up to say he'd ignored her! How can he possibly justify his behaviour, that's what I can't understand!!!

Just easier to detach if I didnt have to see him tomorrow but nevermind .

Starting - he can't justify himself, that's why he can't say anything. He can't face up to his brother's faults and he feels guilty as hell. You know the real truth and so does he. I can well understand your rage.

Patience, I'm in the position of seeing xp tomorrow and dreading it, maybe for different reasons though. We've had a protracted text argument today which has been very upsetting for both of us. I hate this single parent lark, especially having already done it once before. I obviously didn't learn my lesson very well.

Evening Ladies

Rom, im 30 stb 31 and have 4 DC youngest 3 under 3y, X isnt parenting anymore so it's just me, F&F are emotionally suportive (sometimes) but not practically, i despair that i will ever meet anyone and constantly ask myself who would want someone with 4DC and if after 11 yrs X could leave me then i must be doing something wrong but these are my demons to deal with and am still awaiting counselling :(

Have been feeling rejected lately, i knew i was feeling something that was dragging me down but couldnt name it then in bed last night it came to me i'm a looked up the vid for intro today and it made me smile so thought i'd share
But i am serious about the rejected, i think thats why im still so angry at X it feels like he's rejected not only me but the kids too and that hurts more than anything but i will plod on and if he ever turns up wanting to see them i wont reject him, i will let him be a part of their lives if he can be stable for them (but i wont hold my breath)

LC, wonderful story about your parents :o
And i hope tomorrow goes ok for you

Starting, i think it's terrible that he can ignore your DC, the children are the innocent party in any relationship breakdown he could have at least said hello to them

Pumpkin, i hope tomorrow will be ok for you and i know that your life will come together with the perfect home for you soon that you can make your sanctuary

Waves to everyone and reminds them that whatever we are all feeling and going through it will pass, were are all strong women who will not be broken and ground down by a pathetic man...in the words of Patience chin up tits out :o

I just think when i hit a patch like this with my X i get so stressed out that he doesnt turn up for the kids tomorrow.He can mess me about but messing the kids about i just cant be doin with.Its what always came top of my list the kids stability,i will NEVER understand a father that puts his own needs b4 his kids.Addictions or not they all have sober times ,no excuse not to be sorted out for 5hrs one day a week after nearly a year ,just a self absorbed man.