ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.8

[teaandcakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

I've been awake since 5.30 but didn't get out of bed until 7.50 so I'm sat here stark naked with no make up at all . Not a good look. Last minute as usual. Must fly.

I like it Severed

Awww it's so rubbish reading through what our X's have called us on here. My H used to be quite horrid to me towards the end once the affair had begun too.

DD has a nasty cold today, I thought she sounded vaguely hoarse yesterday so she must've been beginning the cold - so to speak. Today her nose is very blocked. So going to try and give her lots of tlc and buy some honey and some lemons etc.

See you tonight dumplings.

Hi all, need to get up.

Been on Style and Beauty now for an hour.

One of the advantages of a teenager is that he can get himself to school without me moving.

We all seem to have a lot of ups and downs at the moment don't we? Par for the course I think. Need to get up for retail therapy and maybe to go light some candles for us all. Have also started reading bible - you cannot believe how much I would just never have done that in the old life

I really like Proverbs that's a good one.

Grace posted something about oxytocin bonding the other day ie the hormone that gives you the warm fuzzy feeling when you see your bloke and why some people can think the are so in love but its all hormones, will see if i can find the link.Just think it explains why i was trying to have a relationship with a selfish abusive bastard for so long.I can honestly say that he never considered my feelings and if he was forced to he did it with a scowl,in the end when he scowled i could only see his father looking back at me ...yeuch!!!

Getting he doesnt come and go as he pleases with kids .Problem for me is its Friday and he hasnt told me if he is taking the kids Sunday yet.Sunday is Daddy day ten til three maybe four.Thats it atm,but yes he wont phone midweek and arrange their visit ,just sad i cant talk to the kids about a visit or write it on calender or something but hope this all changes soon.Moving house would help start new routine for everyone.

oxytocin bonding ,fine in a healthy relationship but keeps you hooked in even when you know its not love

Patience that sounds interesting but how do they know that ? I am unconvinced

AB yes I do remember your loft story and thats what alerted me to the potential pain , strange isnt it how the loft is a repository for so much emotional baggage like cards letters and f*ing wedding dresses !!!! And Getting is a shocking sentimentalist. I like the idea of asking him to get it all down although knowing him he will just think I am being lazy.

LC you apologised for calling ow a bitch ? Thats very decent of you. Hope you looked super glam for school wish I had known you were up at 5.30 - me too we could,ve MNed.

Tea sorry your ds if off colour at least they usually get better quickly at this age.

Feeling a bit weird think am drained from all this money stuff and trying to make decisions. I think that is something I do miss having someone to share responsibility for major decisions like where I am going to live !!

Starting are you ok its not like you to be absent

Happy an hour on Style and Beauty - planning a make over ? How is the Form E going ?

Waves to everyone

Hi all

Thanks for the proverbs tip off Tea - that kept me reading in bed a while longer! Enjoyable tho.

Getting, I am constantly on Style and Beauty as I an a clothes addict. Today switched White Stuff skirt for different one due to DS style ruling. Also bought new speakers for bedroom serenity - impressive for 15 quid. Form E has been abandonned due to general h/h trauma but sadly I have not told XH. Will need to resume I know but in the interim I am enjoying retail therapy instead and seeking pleasure in dancing in the house.

Patience, hoping XH is not getting you down too much. Maybe a Halloween music night is the answer

Waves to all ...........

Can't keep up so if I just say they're all arsewipes would that cover it???????

Waves to all......

Starting presume you mean xh's ? Why are you so tired then...

Lol Getting of course I mean xh's/xp's! Just thought that might cover it all .

Despite what you might be thinking it's dc stuff keeping me occupied! Am rewarding myself however with a night out with Norm later .

Am 48 hrs cig free & really hoping not to cave in this time . Anytime I feel myself weakening I just tell myself xh has done enough damage to me & dc's & I'm not going to add damaging my health to list .

Keep up the good work Startin' not had a cig myself today.

Well Done can I join you and you are right and I think that every time I light up !!!

at night out I could use one of them

Thanks Pumpkin & Getting for kind words of support. Unfortunately I used cigs to cope with stress & trauma of past few years so have developed a pretty severe habit!

Getting I'm sure you'll have lots of nights out in the near future

Away to watch lady and the tramp, another classic from the wonderful world of disney ....50p from the charity shop yesterday .

DD loves that film too. Good grief bought the Princess and the Frog today as a treat for DD and it's scary with the voodoo shadow man and his scary shreiking shadows after them etc. Wish I hadn't bought it now. She's had enough problems with bad dreams in the past without another idea entering her head. I don't think it should be a U certificate but a PG however I suspect as I usually watch things like Aristocats, Lady and the Tramp, Cinderella etc that I perhaps need to accept Disneys have become more modern Not good for a 3 yr old though

I thought this article was interesting as a lot of us have some sort of faith or belief on here which helps us through this hard time. Whether Angels or whatever. It is amazing about those miners.

Hello cant keep up atm. But yes Pumpkins yr H is not a great example of husband and father.

Getting - glad re the legals and hope you can clear loft without trauma.

AB - sorry its been hard for you last while and hope new house can give you joy

Starting - glad the finances sprted slef out -and yay to another night of serenity with Norm

Happy -hi - am now finding myself listening to Radio One in the car

Sov - total grrrr re X taking other kids to school. And grrr again

Tea -very interesting article

Chyler -so sorry re dog

YOuve all made me nostaalgic for the US as have had some great hols there - havent been there for a long time :(

Good luck to all the ciggie kickers this week!

LC - you sound in a healthy place re sorting yourself out

Romney - Im with Tea re the friendly text to see how plane man is doing :)

Loving Severed Armbow

Glad to see you Chair - cross and sad re your H. More and more I just see that they dont move away emotionally if there isnt an emotional wish to be with someone else or an actual affair (not meaning to hurt you sorry but just now sad experience re so many people Ive met - there are a lot of abandoned men too on my other forum)

Very very busy still re new business and geting some good feedback.

DCs very settled as H is being a lot nicer to me and behaving better. But still building up my own life and having fun.

BTW I am definitely booked for Mumsnet Xmas do London Saturday 27th November. Can do accommodation in SW London if anyone wants.

Hey everyone

Still feel crap but i'm also going to be doing the not smoking thing have cut down as feel so ill and have set my quit date as sunday. really hope i can do it as the money i save will be going on driving lessons :o

Getting, I actually called ow an effing bitch and to my eternal shame I realised afterwards that her dd had witnessed my fishwife-esque outburst. I still feel guilty now. Unforgiveable. But true, unfortunately.

I'm feeling very low and lonely tonight. Lonely for xp. I've had a busy evening but I just want to crawl into bed and curl up with him.

On the other hand, he snores worse than a pig and I actually like having the bed to myself. I have everything spread out across the extra space - netbook, couple of paperbacks, magazine, mirror and tweezers, remote control etc. I have a drink and snacks to hand which I was never allowed before. I'm in heaven. No more hiding the chocolate fingers under the bed when he comes up the stairs .

LC - feel the same as you missing DH too, bed is very big without him.

You made me laugh about hiding the chocolate fingers under the bed!! Good night all dumplings.

I could stand corrected on this but as far as I recall the oxytocin bonding is based on extensive research of neurotransmitters in the brain. I can certainly vouch anyway that the more big O's I have with Norm the more attached I become !

Waves to Mumfun & glad all's well.

Tea, interesting article & I certainly agree that having a belief or faith in anything at all can really help in troubled times . I brought dc's to see the princess & the frog when it came out in the cinema & I agree with you totally. I didn't think it was appropriate for small dc's. On a personal level I also bloody hate all those films that brainwash dc's that if they find their prince they'll live happily ever after

Sov, good luck with the cigs, tis hard! I find it helps to put money into a container & watch it grow . Hope you feel better soon.

LC, you are prob only starting the real healing now that you have space away from xp. The nights can be v hard but they get easier. You are bound to still miss him at this early stage ((Hugs)). I have a friend that always brings me chocolate fingers when I have a coffee morn & then announces to everyone "I brought her choc fingers as she's single" ! First time she did it one of the women there nearly fell off the table & got all flustered. Later she rang my friend to give out to her for being v inappropriate! pmsl.

Rom, same as with LC ((Hugs))

Anway, as still off the cigs . A good friend told me everytime I want a cig to drink a glass of water. I've been doing that & am telling myself my skin will be glowing . From past exp of giving up I think day 3 & day 5 tend to be rough but am determined now to try to keep it up!

Mumfun what other forum do you go on ? [nosey]

LC thats one thing I love my own bed with no farting,drunken snoring pig in it disturbing my sleep

Sov I have a couple left so I will join you tomorrow , we can do like a cyber support thing. I like the money in the jar thing although it will have to be secret or dc will ask what its for and they dont know I smoke. I have a feeling this is something we are all pretending though as when xh left I was smoking like in chimney in the alley and they couldnt have missed it. Almost 14 yo ds came and asked me which end of a cigarette you put in your mouth yesterday ?? Something to do with homework !

Well after feeling woe is me most of yesterday and last night I am fine again. I suppose its good we are saving a fortune on fees by dealing with it ourselves (the settlement)but it means having to read and write emails of negociation with xh. He is very very good at that sort of thing although a bit pompous with some of his wording and unecessarily verbose at times. Anyway I think we are done and far as I can see the rest will be formalising it legally which the sols will do (No Form E Happy). For all my hand wringing it really has been straightforward although I should give xh credit in that he has done all the leg work.

My garden is full of Autumn colour and I want to just be in today today and give my brain a rest. I have some good friends coming over tonight so I think I will do some pampering this afternoon and look at tonight as a celebration of getting past a big step to the finishing line.

Its interesting these friends are part of a group of 6 couples and we have been friends for about 9 years now.We split at Christmas and gradually as the year has gone on only 2 couples left are happily married and the other 3 women are now open about their long term unhappiness. In all 3 its the woman who wants to end it but none of them have the courage or are quite sure that they wouldnt be making a mistake. For all the moments of anxiety and loneliness I have I am glad I am not them and that my life is authentic again after years of putting a face on things. XH you may be a twunt but thankyou for having the guts to leave thereby making this happen

Sov well done on the cigs , glad Norm is making you feel good - sounds like he is a contender again.

Rom its early days - keep strong

Tea I do miss watching the kids films with them , these days its the Inbetweeners and the like !!

Waves to everyone see you later