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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

can i start a thread for us mistress's??

168 replies

meandmrsjones · 02/10/2010 16:30

how many on mumsnet are there?
ive noticed with good reason that they are very badly thought of on here - just from the threads i have read
im not what you call i full mistress as of yet we are yet to sleep togther - neither of us are single and we both have kids and responsibilities so not not wish to upset our partners but we feel so drawn to each other,he is all i can think about
would just like to her others experiences and if it ever worked out for the best ?

go ahead and flame

OP posts:
BosomsByTheSea · 02/10/2010 16:32

This won't end well. (The thread or the relationship).

GypsyMoth · 02/10/2010 16:33

i was just on netmums....a thread on there is 6,654 posts long!! about a dh who left for a ow......didnt read,too long

shall mark my place here instead!!

NomDePlume · 02/10/2010 16:33

you mean mistresses.

you will get (virtually) kicked to death for this thread. Your typo is the tip of the iceberg.

ItsGraceAgain · 02/10/2010 16:33

It's hard to imagine your partner won't be upset when another man is "all you can think about". Why don't you both do the decent thing & inform your full-time partners?

IMO you're more likely to get flamed for the irritating apostrophe error in your title. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Hardandsleazy · 02/10/2010 16:33

Bosoms said it all- it's not the kind of topic that is going to bring out the middle of the road opinion.

Hardandsleazy · 02/10/2010 16:36

Yep and echo other poster- it's not an endorsement for any relationship if you are still in another one(especially with kids) for all sorts of reasons.

Isn't there a frequent poster who was the ow- can't remember her name but the numerous threads on the fall out of how it's not all sweetness and light when you do get together should
Make food for
Thought.

TechLovingDad · 02/10/2010 16:36

Oh for fuck's sake.

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 02/10/2010 16:36

Do mistresses find it as hard to use grammar and correct spelling as to keep away from men who are already involved in relationships?

TechLovingDad · 02/10/2010 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

ItsGraceAgain · 02/10/2010 16:37

Every time this topic comes up, I end up citing my two sets of friends who were otherwise married when they met. Sometimes it is the best thing, and it does work out. I should point out, though, that both couples stopped seeing each other when they realised they were serious - then agreed to split from their current partners. You won't get much sympathy for swooning around like this.

Original poster
meandmrsjones · 02/10/2010 16:38

well thats a bit sad if all you can say is you spelt the title wrong - jeez

OP posts:
TechLovingDad · 02/10/2010 16:38

What do you mean by "worked out for the best"? What is "the best"?

You both being busted and ruining many lives? Or you getting away with disrespecting your partners, moving your focus from them and onto whoever you are shagging instead?

Go on, enlighten me.

activate · 02/10/2010 16:39

you're not worth anyone commenting and you know it

proudnglad · 02/10/2010 16:39

For we mistresses, not us mistress's

FiaGrace · 02/10/2010 16:39

Do you honestly believe that the situationn your describe could ever work out 'for the best'?

I can't see it ever being for the best when people/dc are going to be hurt as a result of selfishness. The 'best' is for everyone to either work out the issues in their respective relationships/lives and then either stay put or make a clean break before moving on surely?

I'm not having a go, I am just interested in your opinion.

FiaGrace · 02/10/2010 16:40

x posts with Tech

spaceforthree · 02/10/2010 16:40

Well it won't work out for the best for all parties - that's for sure.

If you get found out there'll be hell to pay and if you leave your partners, it'll hurt your kids beyond measure(never mind your current partners - and have they done anything to deserve that?) I guess it depends whether you put yourself or your children/partner first.

My suggestion, enjoy a bit of mild flirtation and leave it right there!

TechLovingDad · 02/10/2010 16:43

How about not using some random internet people you don't know as justification? You know what you SHOULD do, but you want to be selfish and pretend it will all be ok.

Or justify it.

Leave your current partners then get together. Hard work is it? Then stop being so stupid.

Hardandsleazy · 02/10/2010 16:43

Yes it isn't all about spelling- sort your own relationships first as fio says. As need to do this particularly for sake of children. And there is dick all
Chance of any relationship prospering if you can't learn from what went wrong and that does mean you are likely to need time to sort out your existing relationship and work out what went wrong and find space to think on that and help your kids. And no matter how drawn you feel to om banging him is not likely to help.

But as I type this I suspect it's a waste of text.

Original poster
meandmrsjones · 02/10/2010 16:49

did you read what i wrote - i have not slept with him- what i wanted to know is if anyone ever got through the break up and still stayed together?

OP posts:
TechLovingDad · 02/10/2010 16:49

Is it about working out what went wrong? Or is it more about not wanting to work on anything at all?

This really is the easy / cowardly way out. If you get caught, the relationship ends and the decision is made for you. If OM then dumps you, you can come back here for support, eh?

Good plan.

Bast · 02/10/2010 16:50

Hundreds of women who post on MN have had their relationships ruined by their OH and an OW.

These women and these children have no choice in the matter of their reality, security, and family being destroyed by the sheer and utter selfishness of two people.

Get a grip! Not only are you in the fortunate position of being able to choose whether to damage your family (you will if you continue with your fantasy), you also have the choice of whether to destroy someone else's.

Do the right thing.

KerryMumbles · 02/10/2010 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
meandmrsjones · 02/10/2010 16:53

i will always do the right thing by my children - i feel nothing for my dh but fake a happy relationship for the sake of my kids happiness.

OP posts:
spaceforthree · 02/10/2010 16:53

...... or you could end up with nothing.

You leave your husband (Mr Jones??) and poor children and then Mr Gorgeous changes his mind, turns out to be not quite such a catch etc and you'll have thrown it all away.

Someone I know has just done it, and they are still together for now. But the fallout has been absolutely horrendous. And anyone looking at the happy new couple can see it is doomed. In one year she is going to be very lonely (if not sooner).