can i start a thread for us mistress's??

[meandmrsjones]

how many on mumsnet are there?
ive noticed with good reason that they are very badly thought of on here - just from the threads i have read
im not what you call i full mistress as of yet we are yet to sleep togther - neither of us are single and we both have kids and responsibilities so not not wish to upset our partners but we feel so drawn to each other,he is all i can think about
would just like to her others experiences and if it ever worked out for the best ?

go ahead and flame

we split at the start of this year a very long story - he treated us badly i asked him to leave he did - i was ready to do it all alone - in the 8 weeks we were apart all he did was push and push me to give it another go - the kids took the split very badly and i convinced myself i was doing the worng thing so i took him back - he has changed for the better - as far as im aware but there is no love- i do care for him like a friend but thats where it ends

Yes - you & H are being unfair to one another. he's pressuring (?) you to stay despite your true feelings, and you're taking his affections without giving back. I bet you anything the DCs have noticed.

So this isn't about being a mistress. It's about the aftermath of abuse & reconciliation, right?

Right, firstly, Mistress? Really? You're not Nell Gwynne love.

Secondly, grow the fuck up. Shag the guy in the stationary cupboard and keep your trap shut, if you really can't keep your knickers on - but don't start looking all tortured and noble and expect internet strangers to be vaguely admiring of your oh-so-very Emma Bovary predicament. There's nothing special or romantic about having an affair: it is, quite simply, the most banal thing you can possibly do.

Bah. There's no STYLE in immorality these days. It's so fucking depressing.

Has he ever cheated on you? Why did he leave for 8 weeks?

SAF: "he treated us badly i asked him to leave he did - i was ready to do it all alone - in the 8 weeks we were apart all he did was push and push me to give it another go - the kids took the split very badly and i convinced myself i was doing the worng thing so i took him back"

Not quite breaking up the blissful home, then.

What about his wife? I mean - we have your story - it's dead on your side yadda yadda.What bollocks does he spin you about his wife?

I agree with TLD

If you have no wish or intention to work on your relationship, leave. Stop making excuses.

An unhappy environment is the least desirable for children to grow up in; continuing to live with someone you don't love as if you did and having an affair are both likely to create an unhappy environment.

Have time and space alone, not jump into something with someone (who also has a poor wife and children!) as a means to run away.

You aren't likely to be running to a happy environment for your children but one fraught with upset.

So you kicked him out because he treated you badly and then took him back? You're happy to leave your dc in that situation despite knowing that you don't love him and that if you're affair is found they (dc)will have to go through hell all over again?

Are you now just trying to get you're own back?

your

nevermind

I have to say that if your kids truly come first and they took an eight week split badly that you are being incredibly selfish (both you and DH). If you can't rekindle the romance you need to look at a way of being together as friends for the kids and I'm afraid that does mean self sacrifice on both your parts. That means not cheating and hurting your H.

But that is what having kids is about. A mum puts her kids before EVERYTHING.

and most of all....no matter what your family life is like DO NOT cause someone else's to break up. Go looking for a single guy to keep you happy.

Your H pressured you to get back together. Your kids did the same. Your family is now together because they bullied you into it.
I suspect you're looking to have an affair because you're looking for a 'reason' to end it - or your H to find out and end it for you.

Hvae some backbone. Be true to your feelings, start a divorce and explain it clearly to the DCs. Shag what-his-name if you like, but for god's sake don't expect that to solve anything because IT WON'T! It'll complicate things & make you feel even more vulnerable.

OP you're right, never mind, you carry on, disrupt their lives because of course, when they're old enough to realise, I have no doubt they'll thank you!

You did say go ahead and flame you.

I really don't understand what you expected, from this thread.

I felt sorry for you and that the responses you were getting were unfair - right up until that revolting little bit of hypocrisy about always putting your kids first.

You aren't.

'Faking' a happy relationship with their father and putting them through a terrible rollercoaster of him leaving, then coming back is bad enough, but hey, we've all made bad choices.

But to be contemplating another relationship whilst misleading them about their family life? That is low.

If you don't love their father then leave, as gently (and allowing all concerned as much dignity) as possible. Put your time and effort into easing your children through this (repeated) trauma and building a respectful working relationship with your husband as a joint parent.

Then you can carefully and thoughtfully introduce the new man if he is still around.

Op - Can I answer NO to your original thread question?

Well said tanga - looks like OP has run off. Guess we should have told her the best ways of how to carry on a marriage and a simultaneous affair.

i have'nt run off i was having dinner
you don't understand what my dh is like - when we spilt he told me he would never see the kids again - is that the right thing for the kids ??????