can i start a thread for us mistress's??

[meandmrsjones]

how many on mumsnet are there?
ive noticed with good reason that they are very badly thought of on here - just from the threads i have read
im not what you call i full mistress as of yet we are yet to sleep togther - neither of us are single and we both have kids and responsibilities so not not wish to upset our partners but we feel so drawn to each other,he is all i can think about
would just like to her others experiences and if it ever worked out for the best ?

go ahead and flame

we repeat, how is having an affair (emotionally or physically) best? How is it dealing with your situation, in anyway?
It's not best for anyone, especially not your children.

If you won't see that, then that's your choice.

If you don't want your H and don't love him then tell him and leave him first............cheating is a cunts trick and don't involve yourself with someone else's family and inflict the same pain on them that you are doing to your own family.........grow up,you're not a teenager any more.....'he is all i can think about'.....try thinking about your children and if you do leave then do it decently and with honesty.

If he is all you can think about, then your children obviously aren't coming first, are they?

If you want to pretend you are doing right, go ahead but don't go asking others for approval.

Seems like a total avoidance of responsibility - your proposed affair is your husbands fault, your failure to sort out your marriage is your husband's fault, you 'can't' stop thinking about OM...

If your husband isn't/wasn't thinking about the welfare of the kids (although TBH it sounds like the kind of comment made mid-row) then all the more reason for you to be thinking about it, not using his attitude as some sort of excuse for your own.

i was'nt asking for approval - i am not having a physical affair we only email ,ive known him for over half my life.he was my first love - i realise i should of stayed with him and not marry dh - too late now
im very upset that you lot think im not considering my kids - i always put them first which is why i took dh back against all my wishes another mistake on my part - yes im weak im well aware of that

i realise that now - sorry for the offence i have caused i will crawl back in my hole

put your kids first and show them how to be honest decent people that do the right thing and don't carry on in a deadend relationship. you aren't doing that for your kids. you are doing it because it's easier

FGS get some backbone. Leave your H and then embark on a new relationship.

Its really quite simple.

Hello! Oh....

I think it was a mistake to take him back against all your wishes, tbh. Now it's emerged that he basically blackmailed you into it by threatening to abandon the kids, he sounds like not a nice person at all. I'm a bit about how much he does love you. You would have got a hell of a lot more sympathy - and helpful replies - if you'd posted about your home situation instead of what you did.

I DON'T feel you're doing the best for your kids like this ... yes, you have been 'weak' as you put it, but we all make mistakes. You CAN stop being pushed & pulled around, and start choosing what happens in your own life! Maybe fancying this other bloke is helping you get some self-esteem together, which may be useful. But it's going to end in yet another mess, if you don't face your facts and recognise what's going on.

I think you should start a new thread - how many people re-met their first "love" via the internet and embarked on an affair, and what happened?..because this is a well worn story over the past ten years and mostly without a happy ending

Why do this?....drip feed bits of information (reasons,excuses)when the reactions are negative....'i've known him for over half my life'.....'i'm not having a physical affair'....blah blah blah....SoupDragon is right...leave your H and THEN embark on a new relationship.............just because you've known him a long time doesn't make him yours.

faking a happy relationship is really hard. I know that from experience.

You should end the marriage because your heart's not in it. don't let your husband end it because he's disgusted with you for your betrayal and your patronising 'faking a a hppy relationship'. The bad feeling will be palpable and the children will gag on it.

8 weeks is not a long time to adjust to change. It takes a while, but if you're brave you can do it.

OP why do you have such a strong desire to harm children? An affair that involves children will always cause them some sort of harm.

Leave your H find yourself a new man, preferably an unmarried one and stop messing with other peoples lives. This situation will end in tears.

a lot of people will be hurt,why did you take your DH back?especially when he threatened not to see his DC,that should have made you walk away for good

this person you claim was your first love,it doesn't mean he is still yours,he has a family of his own,why can't you respect that?

the best thing would be to sort it out first with your DH,then be free,only then will it be ok to see other people,SINGLE people,its not even fair to stay just for the kids,what you are teaching them is that when they grow up and are in relationships,they can't walk away,you said your hubby has become a better person,have you given the relationship a chance or you are ready to leave him for this guy,just remember that things might not turn out the way you expect them,the grass might not be greener on the other side,you might want to start by watering the grass in your own backyard,you will be surprised at how green it might get,,good luck with whatever you decide to do in the end,these things are individual,what works for one couple does not mean it will work out for you,,all the best and don't run away,you will survive the flamming,,i did,its character forming,said one mumsnetter:o

i meant to say your kids should know that staying in an unhealthy relationship is not good,and they should know its ok to walk away,

it so easy to say walk way, the reality is in fact a whole lot harder

Why is it easier to have an affair than walk away?

Go and start a thread on Marriedlovers.com or some other seedy variant of same principle, and feck off

oh fo rfucks sake
read some threads on relationships and then keep your trap shut

meandmrs

I would be very interested to know how you met up with 'your first love' again. Given that he too is married (with kids I presume?) how does he present family life?

Also do you not think that life will become complicated post split:

Finances
House selling
Solicitors
Access to the children on both sides of the family

If you think starting married life as a couple is hard work then isn't starting a new relationship with these extra complications which involve emotional hurt, bereavement, guilt and devastation oh and of course undying love going to me more than the 'easy way out'?

"it so easy to say walk way, the reality is in fact a whole lot harder"

Yes it is, and that's why you are distracting yourself with thoughts of OM. And perhaps the idea that the discovery of an affair would blast you out of this situation you got yourself in without much effort on your part.

But the emotional fallout for all concerned would be massive. Just because you think something would be difficult doesn't mean you can abdicate responsibility for yourself, or your children. Or his children.