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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

why so many mums harbour jealousy and blank...

201 replies

bwhiskey · 01/10/2010 11:46

you during school run? my son is now seven, and not all, but so many of the mums just will not speak to me, and ive done no wrong and i am friendly and look normal enough.

this group are quite cliquish and gossipy, but it does hurt that they just blank me, and ive given up trying to make new friends - that clearly isnt what the school run is about, sadly.

my partner thinks its down to two things - one - they are just typical provincial women who dont want to take in 'outsiders' - and also that my son is very good looking and my partner thinks some mums are jealous. which if this is the case, that is just silly.

the other week, though, i do remember as my son fell of his bike coming out of school and hit his head against one of the mum's vans, all she could say was 'oh, hope he didnt dent my van' and drove off before i could reply or even register how offensive that remark was.

i recently threw a birthday party for my son and invited all his classmates. i was very pleased that nearly all turned up (many of them children of these mums). Saying that, though, on the day, they all sat there in this village hall clustered, stoney faced, and miserable, and at exactly 2 hours after the party started, even though the cake hadnt been brought out yet (we ran a bit behind given the games and prizes went on a bit, but the children didnt mind!), and 2 hours later, on the money, most of this group of this clique got up to go, simply because the party went on an extra ten minutes. though they were quite happy to wait for their loot bags, which i rushed to get them.

i was a bit racked off given i spent hours making this cake myself, and i spent 250 quid on the party, much of it was for loot bags and prizes and a pinata and the rest, and it was as if i'd shot one of their kids given a few - one man included - got outright angry that I dared to have a child's party go over the 2 hour 'limit' they are used to.

had anyone offered to help with the games or anything else, given it was only myself and partner doing the whole thing with 20 children? Not a soul.

Anyway, and i reckon because of this, one mum who used to speak to me daily has now stopped speaking to me. i did clock that her partner had taken her son to this party (she had to work), not her, and i did clock the fact he was also really angered that it went on ten - fifteen minutes longer than their expected 2 hour 'limit' as he made a point of muttering 'bl*dy something or other' at my back as he passed. ungrateful a*hole? you mite think...

its so incredibly stupid, and it makes me just wish i never bothered but then I dont want to kill the children's fun. - either that, or next year, write on the invite - children only, thanks. i mean, who wants that kind of misery around you? i know children's parties can be boring for the parents - i know, ive been to many, but i would never get up and leave when a party hadnt finished, unless i absolutely had to be somewhere - and they didnt.

also to this - the following week, a dad (who had not been at the party) approched me just to tell me that his son said that my son's party was the 'best ever.' also, one of his classmates said this as well. which was rewarding...

did any of the mums say anything? not ONE.

i decided not to bother with thank you cards...

anyone care to explain this without lecturing me with regard to the fact I 'broke' party protocol and went a bit over the two hours (no children complained!) ???

it would be so nice to be able to throw a children's party without p*ssing off or annoying or 'putting out' parents who bring their kids to these things purely out of duty and get no joy seeing their kids have fun. trust me, if you could have seen this group and their faces, you'd know what i mean...!

OP posts:
Reality · 01/10/2010 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gerontius · 01/10/2010 13:01

I don't think I've ever been called sad, fat and provincial without actually posting on a thread before......

WinkyWinkola · 01/10/2010 13:03

OP, just always paste a bright smile on your face on the school run, always be polite and cheery and well, faultless.

If people want to be rude, then you will then know it's their problem not yours.

It sounds very strange behaviour to be hacked off a kids party going on for longer than two hours... .. .. I'd be delighted. Free childcare for longer than I'd anticipated. Smashing. I'd be thanking you!

But are these people really important to you? Just keep up the politeness and don't expect anything from them.

As long as your ds is happy at the school - that's all that matters?

Zondra · 01/10/2010 13:03

Oh, dear, op! I sense your having a really shitty day!

Let rip if you want. Grin

'T'is only a daft forum where we all give our tuppence worth.
Get a coffee going & chill out.

Just as an aside, yes, I do get my kids to write out thank you notes to family & close friends for special presents but, I've never stood over them & made them write out thank you notes to 32 seperate classmates.
Where I live it's just not really the thing that is done iyswim?
Maybe it's the norm where others are?

Anyway, don't think the lack of thank you notes was the reason for playground mums being standoffish, as the kids have only had a handful of parties & all at their new school when we moved.

OrmRenewed · 01/10/2010 13:03

Oh I am provincial. I think. I suspect that isn't a good thing

But i only blank people when I forget my lens and can't find my glasses. And my DC are far more beautiful than anyone else's Wink

WinkyWinkola · 01/10/2010 13:04

Oh god, I've done that, blanked people because I've forgotten my lenses or glasses.

Portofino · 01/10/2010 13:05

Interestingly enough bwhiskey once posted before on the topic back in 2004! Sadly having the same problems at Toddler Group. Same attitude - women are all a load of bitches.

buttonmoon78 · 01/10/2010 13:05

I had a little sympathy at the beginning of the OP as we moved here from civilisation Grin. Then I lost sympathy totally...

Get out of your own backside please.

It's not their job to make friends with you and if you stand looking down your nose at them then they will have even less reason to.

I would be slightly annoyed if a party ran over - with 3 dcs and a DH who works away all week, Saturdays can be like a military operation, planned down to the last minute.

For every finger you're pointing at them there's three more pointing back at you (sorry, vv cliched but also vv true).

ManiPedi · 01/10/2010 13:06

charming

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/10/2010 13:06

Have never written a thank you letter in my life.

I just say 'cheers, thanks a lot'

Disclaimer: I am common. Am devon version of Bianca jackson.

annec555 · 01/10/2010 13:06

Are you eight years old, OP?

Lizzylou · 01/10/2010 13:06

HOw completely spooky, Porto!
That it should happen again, what are the chances?

Really Bwhiskey, perhaps look at how you are coming across, because it seems from your posts that maybe, just maybe, you are sending out the wrong vibes to people.

pagwatch · 01/10/2010 13:07

MaMo
Grin
nah, I had no friends. I didn't live in this house back then...

buttonmoon78 · 01/10/2010 13:07

Oh, and I take the fat entirely on the chin.

But sad? No. Bitch? No. Somehow I've never quite made the grade anywhere and I find myself out in the cold here too... Grin

MaMoTTaT · 01/10/2010 13:07

ahhh - they'd all be flocking to be your friend now - if only they knew what you were to become Grin

Coca · 01/10/2010 13:08

Feeling paranoid...its like the OP can see me through the computer screen....

MaMoTTaT · 01/10/2010 13:09

Porto - that'll be £3 please - £1 per child Wink

gettingeasier · 01/10/2010 13:10

Brilliant op I needed a belly laugh and your reaction delivered in spades Grin

I cant imagine why you struggle to make friends its a harsh world isnt it

pagwatch · 01/10/2010 13:10
gettingeasier · 01/10/2010 13:14

ManiPedi Shock why did she come back ? Still its all making me howl with laughter poor woman

Portofino · 01/10/2010 13:14

If I double Pag's offer, do I get to keep one?

Portofino · 01/10/2010 13:15
ChaosTrulyReigns · 01/10/2010 13:16

P0rt0 I have just cancelled my arrangements f0r t0m0rr0w. Where d0 y0u live? ;)

(s0rry I am with0ut the f0urth v0wel)

pagwatch · 01/10/2010 13:16

Damn it

ChaosTrulyReigns · 01/10/2010 13:16

P0rt0 I have just cancelled my arrangements f0r t0m0rr0w. Where d0 y0u live? ;)

(s0rry I am with0ut the f0urth v0wel)