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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

why so many mums harbour jealousy and blank...

201 replies

bwhiskey · 01/10/2010 11:46

you during school run? my son is now seven, and not all, but so many of the mums just will not speak to me, and ive done no wrong and i am friendly and look normal enough.

this group are quite cliquish and gossipy, but it does hurt that they just blank me, and ive given up trying to make new friends - that clearly isnt what the school run is about, sadly.

my partner thinks its down to two things - one - they are just typical provincial women who dont want to take in 'outsiders' - and also that my son is very good looking and my partner thinks some mums are jealous. which if this is the case, that is just silly.

the other week, though, i do remember as my son fell of his bike coming out of school and hit his head against one of the mum's vans, all she could say was 'oh, hope he didnt dent my van' and drove off before i could reply or even register how offensive that remark was.

i recently threw a birthday party for my son and invited all his classmates. i was very pleased that nearly all turned up (many of them children of these mums). Saying that, though, on the day, they all sat there in this village hall clustered, stoney faced, and miserable, and at exactly 2 hours after the party started, even though the cake hadnt been brought out yet (we ran a bit behind given the games and prizes went on a bit, but the children didnt mind!), and 2 hours later, on the money, most of this group of this clique got up to go, simply because the party went on an extra ten minutes. though they were quite happy to wait for their loot bags, which i rushed to get them.

i was a bit racked off given i spent hours making this cake myself, and i spent 250 quid on the party, much of it was for loot bags and prizes and a pinata and the rest, and it was as if i'd shot one of their kids given a few - one man included - got outright angry that I dared to have a child's party go over the 2 hour 'limit' they are used to.

had anyone offered to help with the games or anything else, given it was only myself and partner doing the whole thing with 20 children? Not a soul.

Anyway, and i reckon because of this, one mum who used to speak to me daily has now stopped speaking to me. i did clock that her partner had taken her son to this party (she had to work), not her, and i did clock the fact he was also really angered that it went on ten - fifteen minutes longer than their expected 2 hour 'limit' as he made a point of muttering 'bl*dy something or other' at my back as he passed. ungrateful a*hole? you mite think...

its so incredibly stupid, and it makes me just wish i never bothered but then I dont want to kill the children's fun. - either that, or next year, write on the invite - children only, thanks. i mean, who wants that kind of misery around you? i know children's parties can be boring for the parents - i know, ive been to many, but i would never get up and leave when a party hadnt finished, unless i absolutely had to be somewhere - and they didnt.

also to this - the following week, a dad (who had not been at the party) approched me just to tell me that his son said that my son's party was the 'best ever.' also, one of his classmates said this as well. which was rewarding...

did any of the mums say anything? not ONE.

i decided not to bother with thank you cards...

anyone care to explain this without lecturing me with regard to the fact I 'broke' party protocol and went a bit over the two hours (no children complained!) ???

it would be so nice to be able to throw a children's party without p*ssing off or annoying or 'putting out' parents who bring their kids to these things purely out of duty and get no joy seeing their kids have fun. trust me, if you could have seen this group and their faces, you'd know what i mean...!

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 02/10/2010 07:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom · 02/10/2010 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

proudnglad · 02/10/2010 08:10

Oh Em Gee.

What an a deluded, paranoid maaaaaniac.

Hully you have made my six-cups-of-strong-coffee-while-Mnetting-at-the-mac-of-a-Saturday-morning even more ecstatic than usual. I thank you.

proudnglad · 02/10/2010 08:14

And if anyone's still interested in discussing this topic, of course the school playground isn't full of nasty mums.

It takes a while to make friends (or decide not to) and it takes a while to realise that everyone feels as shy or awkward as each other at the beginning.

Anyone who feels snubbed or envied by everyone else is clearly paranoid. And not very self aware.

MollieO · 02/10/2010 08:23

Ds is very good looking but the other school mums talk to me! I wouldn't expect parents to stay at that age unless there is a need to - eg ds will be 7 next yr and I'm thinking of organising a climbing party which will require one adult per child supervision. This yr we did water orbs and most parents stayed because it was such an unusual activity.

Chances are you are being blanked because you think the other mums are 'provincial' and I'm sure that may be reflected in your attitude.

clam · 02/10/2010 10:39

Hands up anyone who has a 7 year old who isn't good-lookng.

Giddyup · 02/10/2010 13:51

Someone emailed me some old photos last night, DS (now 7) is 3 or 4 in them. After seeing them I do think his looks might be on the wane.....

MollieO · 02/10/2010 13:58

Ds wasn't a very good looking baby and I suppose that he may not be as an adult but as 6 yr old he is. Of course it might not last for when he is 7. Grin

pagwatch · 02/10/2010 14:00

Porto
Can I hire you so that when I am being a wanker you can come on here and post about how I am actually just a bit sad because I have a PenisDog and wore jumblesale shoes to school and my arse scares children in swimming pools?

I would pay you in midget gems

You are like the best stalker ever !

pagwatch · 02/10/2010 14:01
Grin
clam · 02/10/2010 15:03

I've clearly missed something here. What is a PenisDog?

pagwatch · 02/10/2010 15:06

You have missed nothing.

In teasing Porto about reasearching a poster I heve referenced other things I have said on other threads in an obviously failed attempts at gentle humour.
I have a PenisDog who I have talked about before

pagwatch · 02/10/2010 15:08
Portofino · 02/10/2010 16:09

I think I spend so much time on here that I probably "know" lots about the prolific posters anyhow so would never need to stalk them. By "know" I mean, I would remember that they have a sick dh or children with SN or live in a lovely big house Wink

headinhands · 02/10/2010 16:10

yeah, Hubby does that when I give him the brush off, it's THAT long!

ChaosTrulyReigns · 02/10/2010 20:35

head are you posting on correct thread? Confused

headinhands · 03/10/2010 15:16

Ha, just bad timing x post type thing and fell flat on my face.

headinhands · 03/10/2010 15:43

oh yeah, and might have had a glass of wine Blush

ChaosTrulyReigns · 03/10/2010 22:45

Happens to the best of us. Grin

minouminou · 06/10/2010 15:49

The awful thing is that I bet she was lovely once, as she's obviously not an indifferent person, and clearly wants to have friends.
Very sad.

Rachyandmeg · 07/10/2010 02:55

hi

Rachyandmeg · 07/10/2010 14:38

Hi Whisky,

I did actually try to post a message on here to you last night but for some reason it would not go on and I lost the entire message.

Basically it said try not to worry too much about these mums at the school. If you have tried to be nice, smile, make convo for a while and they dont seem interested then just cool off from them. Play it cool. You can be civil and say hi but dont get into small talk. Let some of them come to you now. If they dont then you are better off without them in your life anyway. just stick to people who do care for you such as your husband, children, family and friends you akready have. Just wondering are you new to the area and school? Many women get catty with new people as they like to stick to their own groups. Not all do im sure but its finding people who arent like this who are open to meeting new people and friends.

When you said the mums were stony faced and miserable at your sons party I can identify with this, put dont take it personally perhaps these women have other problems going in their life that you do not know about. You cant control people or the situation. People will be who they want to be. If it is that they are genuinley being catty then just try and pass it off and think well its a shame for them but at least you have a loving family etc and other friends away from them, just focus on the ones who you do love and care for and the ones whoe care for you. Saying things to these women will only make it worst and they will do it more.

I think you need to keep busy and concentrate on other things in your life. If you have too much time on your hands you will worry about the things that are bothering you , I know from experience...when you keep busy your mind brushes off these silly comments or the way people are being with you - Also you could try Mediation or Yoga.

The comment about the women being jealous of your sons looks I think thats not true. Everyone thinks their child is the best. If they were jealousy its probably more to do with maybe material things eg car,money, clothes house or maybe even your better looking and maybe see you as a threat but it wont be the childs looks I can not imagine someone thinking in that way.

Lastly my husband always says "Dont over analyse everything" which I know that I do its partly due to worry too why we do this. So the only way I think you can deal with it as said above is to keep busy, yoga mediation etc. Focus on the things that matter and be content what you already have - lovely children, husband etc ..

Let me know how you get on.

Good Luck

Rachx

NowPlease · 17/11/2010 14:17

Hello I am new.

I have been lurking for a while and reading loads but this thread has inspired me too join Mumsnet.

The weird original poster and the way the tread went all random has had me laughing my socks off.

wow I'm on the look-out for more funny threads.

SkeletonFlowers · 17/11/2010 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummiehunnie · 17/11/2010 15:03

Hello, Now Please x