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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

why so many mums harbour jealousy and blank...

201 replies

bwhiskey · 01/10/2010 11:46

you during school run? my son is now seven, and not all, but so many of the mums just will not speak to me, and ive done no wrong and i am friendly and look normal enough.

this group are quite cliquish and gossipy, but it does hurt that they just blank me, and ive given up trying to make new friends - that clearly isnt what the school run is about, sadly.

my partner thinks its down to two things - one - they are just typical provincial women who dont want to take in 'outsiders' - and also that my son is very good looking and my partner thinks some mums are jealous. which if this is the case, that is just silly.

the other week, though, i do remember as my son fell of his bike coming out of school and hit his head against one of the mum's vans, all she could say was 'oh, hope he didnt dent my van' and drove off before i could reply or even register how offensive that remark was.

i recently threw a birthday party for my son and invited all his classmates. i was very pleased that nearly all turned up (many of them children of these mums). Saying that, though, on the day, they all sat there in this village hall clustered, stoney faced, and miserable, and at exactly 2 hours after the party started, even though the cake hadnt been brought out yet (we ran a bit behind given the games and prizes went on a bit, but the children didnt mind!), and 2 hours later, on the money, most of this group of this clique got up to go, simply because the party went on an extra ten minutes. though they were quite happy to wait for their loot bags, which i rushed to get them.

i was a bit racked off given i spent hours making this cake myself, and i spent 250 quid on the party, much of it was for loot bags and prizes and a pinata and the rest, and it was as if i'd shot one of their kids given a few - one man included - got outright angry that I dared to have a child's party go over the 2 hour 'limit' they are used to.

had anyone offered to help with the games or anything else, given it was only myself and partner doing the whole thing with 20 children? Not a soul.

Anyway, and i reckon because of this, one mum who used to speak to me daily has now stopped speaking to me. i did clock that her partner had taken her son to this party (she had to work), not her, and i did clock the fact he was also really angered that it went on ten - fifteen minutes longer than their expected 2 hour 'limit' as he made a point of muttering 'bl*dy something or other' at my back as he passed. ungrateful a*hole? you mite think...

its so incredibly stupid, and it makes me just wish i never bothered but then I dont want to kill the children's fun. - either that, or next year, write on the invite - children only, thanks. i mean, who wants that kind of misery around you? i know children's parties can be boring for the parents - i know, ive been to many, but i would never get up and leave when a party hadnt finished, unless i absolutely had to be somewhere - and they didnt.

also to this - the following week, a dad (who had not been at the party) approched me just to tell me that his son said that my son's party was the 'best ever.' also, one of his classmates said this as well. which was rewarding...

did any of the mums say anything? not ONE.

i decided not to bother with thank you cards...

anyone care to explain this without lecturing me with regard to the fact I 'broke' party protocol and went a bit over the two hours (no children complained!) ???

it would be so nice to be able to throw a children's party without p*ssing off or annoying or 'putting out' parents who bring their kids to these things purely out of duty and get no joy seeing their kids have fun. trust me, if you could have seen this group and their faces, you'd know what i mean...!

OP posts:
Hullygully · 01/10/2010 12:49

I want to be a sad fat type. Are there classes?

DrunkenDaisy · 01/10/2010 12:49

Learn to spell. Nutjob.

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/10/2010 12:49

Nobody every spoke to me at the school gate either.

Probably because (a) I only went once a week and (b) am rather hatchet of face so viewed as standoffish

It was allright, they were wankers provincial anyway.

seenyertoeslately · 01/10/2010 12:49

Oh. I was going to sympathize but it looks like I am too late.

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/10/2010 12:50

Hully, I expect you are upper-middle-fat ('portly') and I am upper-working-fat ('wobblychav')

wornoutbutstillwonderful · 01/10/2010 12:51

Think you need to get over yourself bwhisky I can see why your "blanked" now!!

Portofino · 01/10/2010 12:51

An you spent a lot of money of the party - I might be completely barking up the wrong tree - but could it have been a bit "over the top" in terms of displaying your generosity?

Might have been that that annoyed people rather than the fact it ran over by 10 mins.....

RageAgainstTheTeen · 01/10/2010 12:51

'unless of course you are of the sort who cant wait to get rid of your kid any chance you get.'

*Holds her hand up Grin

Hullygully · 01/10/2010 12:51

Nothing upper about my middle, Getorf. Very bottom all over.

maresedotes · 01/10/2010 12:51

I was on your side but didn't get a chance to reply before you added your new comments. Yes some mums can be like this at parties and it's out of their 'comfort zone' for a party to go on after 2 hours but you should be the bigger person, continue to smile and be nice and send thank you cards.

And although I'm a mumsnetter I'm not sad, fat or bitchy (well not all the time).

pagwatch · 01/10/2010 12:52

at Getorf being classist and fatist in one post.

Giddyup · 01/10/2010 12:52

I am sorry you are being treated this way, have you considered moving somewhere less provincial? They are probably all inbred anyway. Darling, get back to the city, the culture...

My DS is incredibly good looking and it does make some people jealous, either that or they keep trying to touch him. It does rankle one somewhat. But being incredibly good looking myself I am quite used to the behaviour of the forest dwelling proles. Do they have amusing accents that make them sound a bit dim aswell?

Portofino · 01/10/2010 12:53

Rage - I know! Hands up too! Dd has been invited to a friends for the afternoon on Sunday - I am off to stock up on Gerard Butler movies and chocolate biscuits! Grin

primrose22 · 01/10/2010 12:53

Hmmmm. Just wanted to add this..... Having looked after children for 20 years I feel I should point out that we all think our own dc are the best looking. Its fairly worrying that you think others don't like you because your child is 'better looking' Confused Be v.v.careful that your odd attitude isn't being picked up by your son.
Good luck with it all, I'd advise a good starting point is appreciating that we ALL think our dc are the most attractive/funniest/cutest etc.....

SanctiMoanyArse · 01/10/2010 12:53

I'm a sad fat yyupe but am working on it honest (swapping food for gin)

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/10/2010 12:54

I think the OP lives in rural Norfolk. Or the less chi-chi parts of Cornwall.

pagwatch · 01/10/2010 12:55

gin is low carb. Good choice sancti.

Lizzylou · 01/10/2010 12:55

For the love of all that is holy, how does such a charming and modest woman not have fat sad friends coming out of her ears?

I am completely nonplussed, you are such a gem.

MaMoTTaT · 01/10/2010 12:57

pag - you'd have been ok when they were finding out where youlive - you have a lush house Grin

and as for people not speaking to you because you're child is good looking - I'm going to start charging some of the parents at the school for every time they tell me that any of my DS's are "little charmers, aboslutely gorgeous and the girls will be fighting over them when they're older" (they already are but lets not go there)

Wink
Hullygully · 01/10/2010 12:57

Or Kentucky.

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/10/2010 12:57

I want to OP to come back and be my friend.

Mummiehunnie · 01/10/2010 12:58

yikes narc rage springs to mind!

FallingWithStyle · 01/10/2010 12:58

Um...

Case solved I think!

Hullygully · 01/10/2010 12:58

YY Getorf. I want her too. And I'm not sharing.

Portofino · 01/10/2010 12:58

You DO have incredibley handsome dcs though MaMo!