Another DickFace to Add to The Pile

[PfftTheMagicDragon]

....Of men that you thought wouldnever betray you but then did it anyway!

My DH has always been loyal. To a fault. Never cheated. Was cheated on in the past by girlfriends, worshipped the ground I walked on. Good sex life, with dry patches, we had started about a year ago to spice things up, toys, bondage.

Turns out, he's been internet flirting/sexting/fucking her on MSN!!

Delightful

It started 6 days ago. I have seen his phone. And the e-mails and a picture that they exchanged.

And now I am just like all the others. I did ask him how it felt - To be just like all the other cheating dickwads that I read about on here. If it was worth it, if he was thinking about what every other weekend would feel like when he was telling her how much he likes her wet pussy.

Super.

I'm angry, can't you tell?

WWIFN - no I don't. I think that honestly, there is nothing between her and my husband. I don't think she has feelings for him, nor him for her. BUT I do think that if they were together, and maybe had a couple of drinks and were chatting, him distraught and her comforting, that she would sleep with him if there was an opportunity. Because that is the sort of person she is. And of course I trust him as far as I can throw him at the moment.

I would deem the male friend and the other 2 as friends of our marriage. I would expect to get an e-mail from the married friend, but nothing yet. It is a little soon but I worry that they are choosing their sides.

Friend 2 sent him a message saying that he shouldn't let his guilt and self pity get in the way of fighting for me. I do like friend 2 the best. Shame she lives forever away,.

I know that women are just as bad - which is why I said that people were shit in my last post. Not you lot though

I think you are right to be a bit wary of your DHs friends. They will try to make him feel better because he is their friend and that is a natural thing for friends to do.

It is hard for people to know what to say to a friend when that friend is clearly at fault. The "you can work it out" type comment is an attempt,I think, to show caring but not say too much. She probably doesn't want to risk the friendship by being critical, but I can't imagine any woman thinking his behaviour is acceptable. She is not personally affected though, so it is easier for her to offer consolation.

The danger with these friends is that your DH will want to feel better, so will take their comments at face value and be comforted. He doesn't deserve to feel better while you are feeling as you do.

I think it would be better for you both if he talks to the proper counsellors to sort out why he has done this rather than rely on his mates. Also, if you do stay together you may not be comfortable with them knowing so much about your private business.

Barmy, how is that helping? Pulling apart a random comment about a friend? Telling Pfft what she wants?
I'm not even going to attempt to forgive "doing her family a service", Pfft is not responsible for this situation and I am sure is well aware of the impact of divorce.

Ignore, ignore, ignore, ladies.

aw, do I have to? Oh very well

Sorry have only previously lurked on this thread.,,,but have to just say - BA, you seriously need to examine your motivation for participating in this thread. How bizarre that you are trying to make pfft feel bad for a)using mn for some support during this time and b)for any potential breakdown of the marriage.

I have seen this kind of attitude from a certain type of man a fair bit lately - they are usually to be found on newspapers online comment sections - where women who have been cheated on or abused or mistreated by their husbands are talked to/about as though they are being selfish in considering leaving the marriag. Always the same lament of Please think of the children!

Have to conclude there are a lot of spineless men out there who cannot and will not accept that they do own a woman when they marry her.

Tippy

Sorry! I missed the ignore ignore ignore. Absolutely right.

You're doing great btw pfft x

My friend is lovely and she is very much of the opinion that like dogs, you cannot trust any man 100%. She has a lovely husband but her marriage is on her terms

Well to use WWIFNs words she doesnt sound like a friend to the marriage either. No man can be trusted 100% she thinks, How totally insulting to her husband. And her marriage is on her terms? What happened to a partnership? And this is a person you are taking advice on your marriage from? Yet critiquing the advice your husband is getting?

Oh and I was willing to leave this thread, but after the rubbish and insults spouted at me, and your agreement with it, I couldnt care less about your opinion on my involvement Pfft... so feel free to tell me to leave the thread, but I will ignore it and continue posting what I believe.

As for the way you are reacting to your husband, it is not your right to decide who he tells. It is his decision, you can decide who you tell, and no more than that.

Footlong how do you suggest pfft reacts to her husband?

I don't really see that he has a right to discuss this with people who will try to make him feel better, rather than encourage him to address his issues.

If a person breaks the 'rules' of their marriage and desperately hurts the person they are supposed to love, then they should be doing everything they can to put that right (if that is possible). Their primary consideration should be doing whatever helps their spouse to feel better.

what footlong said.

I agree his primary consideration should be to fix his marriage, but you cannot control someone to do that. And I think trying to make him tell people is a step to far.

And seen as you asked how I think she should react..

She is entitled to react how ever she feels like! It is her mind, her marriage, her family. However.... she needs to realise that her actions now will have consequences, just like her husband acted badly out of lust (or whatever his excuse was), her actions borne out of anger/frustration/betrayal will have consequences. And these consquences could be revealed only in the long term.
It is great she gets so much support from this thread, I mean that, alot of it is stuff she needs/deserves to hear. But she needs to also realise that here are people who dont agree with her reaction, and some will be telling her husband that... and even giving him advice on how to move forward with lawyers etc. If I was his friend and I had heard what she has said on here, I would definately be giving him advice... and it wouldnt be advice Pfft would like I am sure. Thats the reality.
It is all very well for woman on here to suggest cutting his balls off, kicking him out, have page after page of insults towards anyone disagreeing with this sentiment.. but not ok to disagree with the path being advised?
I think if anyone of his friends was told about Pfft's comment about someone else raising his kids.. they would have the same reaction as me. In fact I think most people would.. just not around here with its high proportion of betrayed woman.
My personal opinion is that trying to force him to tell his friends, is about punishment, and retribution, but that wis very likely to have consequences which will not be good for anyone long term.

I don't really see that he has a right to discuss this with people who will try to make him feel better

Of course he does!

Again, it has long needed to be said.

Well, of course he does. But if he's got a modicum of intelligence, he won't, because he'll appreciate that soothing words will not help him realise the error of his ways, whereas genuine disgust from someone he likes might.

Barmy, joking aside, I think you're out of order now. There have been times when perhaps our collective defensiveness of a likeable woman who has been wronged has led us to fall on the side of 'inappropriate' when arguably you had some sort of point.

There is no question that you are being deliberately provocative and offensive now. I can only hope that you've been drinking, as that would go some way to excusing the new low.

We're planning to have sets of razor edged windscreen wipers out in time for Christmas, perfect for when Big Swinging Bollocks are constantly hoving into view.

Pre-order today!

BarmyArmy- I think you should back the fuck of, to be honest.

You say that MNHQ have asked you to restrain yourself, yet you seem incapable of complying.

How bloody DARE you invade the thread like this and heap abuse on somebody who has asked for support?

You are a disgrace.

off, sorry.

I've reported that last post, by the way. That's not even something masquerading as a 'helpful opinion'. It's just an insult.

FL and BA, your posts are heartless and utterly vile.

A woman started this thread to share her agony upon discovering her H's infidelity, with her life as she has known it down around her ankles. And the two of you have blithely trampled all over her with your misogynistic agenda and your mansplaining and your inability to count past One. And your sarcasm.

'here are people who dont agree with her reaction,'
Footlong, you don't get to agree or disagree with a woman's reaction to her husband's infidelity.
'It is great she gets so much support from this thread, I mean that, alot of it is stuff she needs/deserves to hear.'
Well thank you for your reassurance and your encouragement -- Lord, where would Mumsnet be without someone telling us all how great we are at advice and giving out 'stuff a woman needs/deserves to hear. Your perspective was just what we needed. Actually, women don't need the approval or feedback of a random man here.
You are as arrogant as you are pompous.

I have reported your posts. They are vile. You are a pair of bitter little men.