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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Another DickFace to Add to The Pile

883 replies

PfftTheMagicDragon · 26/09/2010 13:08

....Of men that you thought wouldnever betray you but then did it anyway!

My DH has always been loyal. To a fault. Never cheated. Was cheated on in the past by girlfriends, worshipped the ground I walked on. Good sex life, with dry patches, we had started about a year ago to spice things up, toys, bondage.

Turns out, he's been internet flirting/sexting/fucking her on MSN!!

Delightful Hmm

It started 6 days ago. I have seen his phone. And the e-mails and a picture that they exchanged.

And now I am just like all the others. I did ask him how it felt - To be just like all the other cheating dickwads that I read about on here. If it was worth it, if he was thinking about what every other weekend would feel like when he was telling her how much he likes her wet pussy.

Super. Confused

I'm angry, can't you tell?

OP posts:
IUsedToBeFab · 30/09/2010 18:00

Sorry you have had a bad day AF.

Mine has been pretty pants too having started off really good.

AnyFucker · 30/09/2010 18:06

thanks, fab

Tippychoocks · 30/09/2010 18:53

Sad for all bad days. I however had the builders in FINALLY and iced 3 dozen cupcakes for the small's birthday tomorrow. So a good day.

How's you Pfft? I wish my house did not have builders now as I could have offered a bolt-hole in sleepy Devon. You could still come of course but you'd be more comfortable with the choocks in the shed frankly. But feel free if it appeals.

mathanxiety · 30/09/2010 19:29

Counting -- what a fabulous therapist. What made me most angry about my exH's utter stupidity, still does, is his habit of asking me "What's wrong?" (WTF?)

On a not unrelated note, just found out that the last child support cheque I got from exH has bounced. Bloody hell.

Tippychoocks · 30/09/2010 19:39

Oh math Sad. The gobshite.

Or Pfft, I can ask one of the many B&Bs/pubs locally for a good rate. Off season here - they'd bite your hand off. Come and walk on some windswept beaches and shout at the Atlantic for a spell Smile

AnyFucker · 30/09/2010 19:43

can I come too ?

Tippychoocks · 30/09/2010 19:46

You can all come. To my 2 bed bungalow that is full of builders and chickens Hmm

Maybe I better ask the pub for mates' rates.......

AnyFucker · 30/09/2010 19:52

omg...how great would that be ??

don't worry, tippy, I am not about to descend on you, I am about 300 miles away Grin

Tippychoocks · 30/09/2010 19:56

All welcome. Devon based relationships harridans meet-up. Come along, I'll be serving twelve inch weeners Grin

AnyFucker · 30/09/2010 19:58
Grin
Original poster
PfftTheMagicDragon · 30/09/2010 22:19

Grin I want a 12" weener. But only if we can eat it in Bath so that we can see BA Grin I like the idea of relationship harridans Grin

I have not had a chance to read through all your replies yet. I do like to read all of them and think about them and reply to them all but I havn't yet - shall do so in the morning. I have been having an evening of not thinking about it all too much.

I went to my mum's this evening. She lives an hour away so this was good as I got to drive (I love driving) and listen to awful 90's indie on the way there really loudly. Then I went to IKEA on the way home (you may think this is hell but I like it Confused)

On the way there I was thinking about me and how I never really do anything for me, I hate the fact that since all this has happened I have just been at home, looking like I am waiting for him. It's bollocks. Am going to a friends tomorrow evening for food and chat. Have decided to Do More Things. To please myself and to not text him all the time, telling him where I am and how long I will be (my decision, not his controlling don't worry). I do very much want to go away next weekend but am concerned about DS. Will ponder in my sleep and see what I come up with.

madascheese thank you for the PM - I will reply tomorrow if that's ok?

You had a shit day, AF?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/09/2010 22:23

yes, pfft, a bit of a story but let's not go there

my day has been improved though by seeing you looking a bit perkier Smile

mathanxiety · 30/09/2010 23:34

Pfft, you are amazing. Do the Me stuff.

Madascheese · 01/10/2010 05:47

pfft of course - anytime

I remain in awe of you!

Original poster
PfftTheMagicDragon · 01/10/2010 08:15

Rise and shine, minions!

Am planning to Do Things today. I have lots of tv to watch waiting for me. I was thinking about updating my (ssshhhh!) blog , will take DD out today I think.

Hopefully we will talk this afternoon and I shall be with you here this evening. Not sure if I want to talk right now though.

OP posts:
Original poster
PfftTheMagicDragon · 01/10/2010 08:15

To him, not to you.

OP posts:
Madascheese · 01/10/2010 08:24

Good for you, time, time time...

Have a good day, am about to school run so will hear from you later

IUsedToBeFab · 01/10/2010 08:38

That sounds like a really good plan. I hope you have a lovely day.

Mums are not great at taking time for themselves and we all need it. It helps the whole family if mum gets some space.

loves2walk · 01/10/2010 09:30

It sounds like that driving time was just what you needed to bring your thoughts back round to you and what you need in your life, so it's not all about your H and his 'issues'.

I hope the sun shines for your walk with DD!

fedupofnamechanging · 01/10/2010 09:39

Good morning Pfft.

Thinking of you. Hope you have a good day with your DD

Tippychoocks · 01/10/2010 09:54

Morning Pfft.
I am taking DD for one night away next week and have found some great last minute deals, you should think about it if you possibly can.
Do More Things is an excellent idea. Even better to not tell him.
Have a good day.

dontdisstheteens · 01/10/2010 10:24

Ok I have trawled through the whole thread, have cried a tiny bit and wet myself laughing too!

Pfft you are absolutely amazing. I have a similar tee shirt to yours and it took me way way longer to get to where you are now. Strength like that will keep you and your children ok, better than ok, happy, whatever the future holds.

I worry a little though about the timescales, don't push yourself too hard. If there was ever a time to be gentle with yourself this is it. I appreciate your need to know what you want and then SORT it! I am a bit like that too! But, your husband has to do most sorting and he is still likely to be despairingly and frightenedly (Hmm shocked as well. Oh I don't know what I wanted to say - just to send you a hug and a virtual bar of chocolate I guess! Grin

Oh one thing, about the checking of phones etc. I checked my husband's phone at every opportunity for months. One evening I saw it lying around but I simply could not be bothered to read through all his boring texts and emails. That felt so good. I never felt guilty about checking (he knew I did anyway), but that was a real turning point - I just could not be bothered. Trust is very slow to rebuild but it can happen.

Hope the weather is better there for your walk than it is here right now!

Original poster
PfftTheMagicDragon · 01/10/2010 11:31

Thank you all for your thoughts this morning. We had strong words this morning where I told him that I think he is living in a dream world. Being at home, with the family, thinking that everything will go back to normal. He has not told anyone all the details of what he has done and I said that it seemed to me that this was because he thought that it would all go back to normal and then he could still be seen to be the upstanding loyal man that his friends think he is.

He said that he is going to tell the counsellor and I said that it was not the same Hmm

DO I even have grounds for divorce? I mean - what are the grounds surrounding infidelity. Because he hasn't shagged anyone physically. What does this mean for the law?

OP posts:
Mouseface · 01/10/2010 11:59

Pfft

That is exactly what my X did. He did the whole 'smile and wave' bollocks as if nothing had happened. He too thought that 'once I'd cooled off' - his words, I'd let him back in.

Wrong. I saw one of his friends out and asked if he'd seen him. He told me he was in the pub the night before, laughing and joking. As if he was on top of the world.

And there was I at home worrying about what to do, how to resolve it all, back and forth, over and over in my head. Not sleeping or eating.

Pha! Twat. Sorry.

Re the divorce, 'unreasonable behaviour' should cover it although you could get a solicitor to clarify.

Have a wonderful day with DD and enjoy your you time.

And FWIW, you don't have to talk to him unless YOU want to. He sounds as if he thinks it will all be ok. Why the sudden turn around in him?

Does he not see that hollow words and the odd visit to a counsellor within the a week of this happening is nowhere near enough??

wannabesybil · 01/10/2010 12:01

Grounds for divorce - you could go for unreasonable behaviour. If the worst comes to the worst you could live separately for five years and he would not have grounds to contest it.

If you can agree on finances and child contact/maintenance then you do not even need a solicitor, you could do it yourself for under £500.

You can find information here www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/infoabout/divorce/index.htm

I hope you don't need to know this. I really hope it all works out.