Another DickFace to Add to The Pile

[PfftTheMagicDragon]

....Of men that you thought wouldnever betray you but then did it anyway!

My DH has always been loyal. To a fault. Never cheated. Was cheated on in the past by girlfriends, worshipped the ground I walked on. Good sex life, with dry patches, we had started about a year ago to spice things up, toys, bondage.

Turns out, he's been internet flirting/sexting/fucking her on MSN!!

Delightful

It started 6 days ago. I have seen his phone. And the e-mails and a picture that they exchanged.

And now I am just like all the others. I did ask him how it felt - To be just like all the other cheating dickwads that I read about on here. If it was worth it, if he was thinking about what every other weekend would feel like when he was telling her how much he likes her wet pussy.

Super.

I'm angry, can't you tell?

Oh mouseface I wish I could cut his bollocks off for you

I also removed my wedding ring. He hasn't said anything but I do wonder if he has noticed.

I thought I would put it back on when/if I want to be married to him again.

Pfft, where are geographically ?

If you feel it's better and more productive for him to be there then stick with it.

I think I would remove my wedding rings too

Bloody hell, there are just some twits out there.

:( for heartbreaking situations

Go and look at Art Galleries pfft? that's my most precious child free treat, I discovered when we were away without littlemad for the first time that I LOVE art. Classic stuff that looks pretty mind you not the old - here's the contents of my bathroom bin on a Tuesday nonsense :)

Pfft - one cousnellor was simply a very nice lady who lived locally and was a very nice listener - she asked good open questions and explored every aspect of my thoughts and feelings. I'd googled counsellors in my area and her number came up.

The issue was related to a long drawn-out saga of me getting a girl pregnant (despite her claiming to be on the Pill and requesting that we not use condoms), us tussling over whether I should/could be involved, her losing the baby (MC) and yet pretending to still be pregnant for many weeks afterwards, in order to 'hold onto me'. All rather exhausting, one way or another.

The other time was arranged through my GP - more a sort of CBT thing - related to a suicide attempt of mine.

pfft, am thinking of you.

I get the sense that this is the tip of the iceberg for many marriages, in the Great New Dawn of the web. These are new ways of betraying, and, without excusing cheaters in any way, there genuinely may be men who do not realise that this is crossing the line, that it is wildly different from secretly reading/watching porn.

Two human beings are engaging with each other is sexual play, and can pretend it is anonymous thrill seeking, but we know. of course it's never as simple as that. People forge connections, despite the protestations that it is victimless.

I hope you get the answers and solutions you need. Life can never be the same again, whatever way this goes, and that is not neccesarily a bad thing. If you stay married, it may be a new dawn, a second chance, to have a more meaningful bond with each other.

Wishing you love, patience and peace.

A human

I am in the Birmingham area

A human? sorry, not a clue

Have never been myself but have heard people absolutely rave over Bath, meant to be beautiful. Will get my thinking cap on

I have been to Bath before (I lived in Bristol for a while) and it is beautiful

I live near Bath

Hello pfft, just got in from work and getting caught up.

I'm glad the talk went well. I do think some time away is a good idea. Do you have any old friends who are upbeat-types who you could visit?

A human

(I think I might start signing all my posts off like this, so there can be no doubt :o)

Hi crunchy, good day ?

An Alien

BA - Maybe a re-think then Pfft.

Not bad AF, you?

An orangutan

Thanks Pfft. Would you like his address?

I agree weekend away would be great (mine is finally happening next weekend although he moved out 5 weeks ago...now 'd'h wants us to spend that weekend together (dd's going to my parents) I am not so sure!) also I did exactly what you did re rings, the day he left I took all 3 rings off (he didnt notice for 2 weeks ) although MIL noticed straight away (she looks after dd2 one day a week when i work school hours its a tad strained at drop off/pick up)

How are you feeling tonight Pfft, please make sure you eat and I did find after a few days I had a moment when it all 'hit me' and I sobbed and sobbed in my best friends arms for an hour (had coped rather well till that point) I am def a punisher hence why I packed all of DH stuff up as he would have been coming and going every day to 'collect' something and I couldnt have that for me or the dd's..in fact I still feel that he hasnt proved he is sorry (I did say actions speak louder than words)

Very, very shitty day today, in actual fact.

An Alsatian

Pfft, FWIW when my DH had the affair I decided I had to try and repair the marriage for the sake of the DC (who adored their father). I did not make a decision to stay for the DC and I think there is a subtle difference. If the marriage couldn't be healed then we would have seperated. I felt I owed it to the DC to try everything first.

We were seperated for about 3 months (he left me for OW, was with her for about 6 weeks), he stayed at his mum's. The counsellor thought this was for the best as DH was going through some sort of breakdown and she thought he needed time away from everything ie no pressure from DC (4 DSs, 2 with ASD) etc. He stayed over 2/3 nights a week during that time and was around most of the weekends as well as the DC were really struggling with what had happened ie their dad leaving like he did. During those times we "dated" again eg going out to dinner, cinema etc.

I did find the seperation hard at times - how can you work on healing a marriage if one party isn't there - but OTOH as he wasn't there we couldn't argue about the domestic stuff if that makes sense.

There were very complicated reasons why my DH did what he did (all part of a self destruction phase) and as his mother pointed out to me, that he was taking me and the DC on it with him .

I have amazed myself at my capacity to forgive. Don't get me wrong I was raging when I found out what he was up to, his stuff was in bin bags and he had to collect it before I left it in the street. But like WWIFN's DH, he has done a complete turn around if every aspect of his life. It wasn't overnight and there were many challenges along the way but he is a different person now. Our therapist was very good too, told him as it was (the AF school )and also she fixed me too so that I would never put up with any appalling behaviour again because we do tend to bargain away certain behaviours.

In fact DH says that our therapist was primarily trying to fix me so that it didn't matter what he did, I wouldn't put up with it IYSWIM.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Sorry to hear that AF, hope tomorrow is a better day all round. Especially for pfft.

A veloceraptor

Counting your therapist sounds fantastic, it seems like so many encourage the wronged partner to blame themselves and forgive behaviours they are not comfortable with. Great to know there are some good'uns out there.

thanks crunchy

A hippopotamus

Yes she was/is good Crunchy and admitted she sailed close to the wind at times . She gave my DH numerous handouts in the beginning, my favourite being "You can't talk yourself out of something you have acted yourself into".

My DH also had this awful habit of keep asking me if I was alright during the therapy and at home during that time. It used to really get to me - he stopped when she yelled at him (yes yelled) "Of course she is not alright, you had a fucking affair, do you think she is alright !!!!" - said everything that needed to be said really

Wow! She certainly pulled no punches counting! :o

It sounds like exactly heat he needed to face the reality of what he'd done though.