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Original poster

Another DickFace to Add to The Pile

883 replies

PfftTheMagicDragon · 26/09/2010 13:08

....Of men that you thought wouldnever betray you but then did it anyway!

My DH has always been loyal. To a fault. Never cheated. Was cheated on in the past by girlfriends, worshipped the ground I walked on. Good sex life, with dry patches, we had started about a year ago to spice things up, toys, bondage.

Turns out, he's been internet flirting/sexting/fucking her on MSN!!

Delightful Hmm

It started 6 days ago. I have seen his phone. And the e-mails and a picture that they exchanged.

And now I am just like all the others. I did ask him how it felt - To be just like all the other cheating dickwads that I read about on here. If it was worth it, if he was thinking about what every other weekend would feel like when he was telling her how much he likes her wet pussy.

Super. Confused

I'm angry, can't you tell?

OP posts:
MistyB · 29/09/2010 22:52

pfft WFT happened to your thread - you weren't even there!! Admiration again for your patience (if you come back!)

I hope your evening went OK. Probably lots to mull over. I'm sure you maintained or will regain your dignity and poise.

I'm sorry you are in a crap place right now and I hope you find piece of mind.

Footlong · 29/09/2010 23:03

Well my last word is a suggestion to stop talking about me in this thread and start talking about the actual point of the thread.

RespectTheDoughnut · 30/09/2010 00:37

Ner ner ner ner nerrrrrr

mathanxiety · 30/09/2010 05:46

Nasty wimmin all ganging up on you again Footlong? Have you considered stopping the sadvertising?

Footlong · 30/09/2010 06:12

mathanxiety - No not all, mainly the man haters. But congrats on kicking a sleeping dog.... I am sure Pfft will be along soon to tell you to get back on topic and stop talking about me..... yes quite sure. Hmm

YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 30/09/2010 07:04

Pfft, I'm rushing off to work now, hope you're ok this morning xxx

AnyFucker · 30/09/2010 07:08

pfft, am off to work too, hope to catch up later x

or whenever you feel ready

Madascheese · 30/09/2010 07:19

pfft thinking of you - you can't leave us again like that - we're clearly not to be trusted.

Catch you later

Tippychoocks · 30/09/2010 08:02

Me too - cursed RL got in the way last night . Will check in again later x

eandh · 30/09/2010 08:03

Have only just had a chance to catch up on thread, hope you made some headway last night pfft did the 'last schance disclosure' work? (am tempted to try that one myself when 'd'h comes round to talk tonight)

Agree with AF that I also want to be WWIFN when I grow up and manage to renegage with reality Smile that post about lack of decision making/easily swayed really struck home for me Sad

Original poster
PfftTheMagicDragon · 30/09/2010 08:13
Grin

I leave you alone for 5 minutes and you start harrassing the entertainment! I'm not sure how footlong walks, what with the combination of that massive cock and that stick up his arse. Must be a challenge. Maybe crutches?

Talks went well, I think. At least I slept well. DD slept better and when she did wake, H got up with her. SO I feel less zombified this morning.

I told him everything that I have said here about wondering if I could ever love or respect him again, and also if I could really face the idea of fighting for the next X years. That I shouldn't have to, and that if I walked away, I would be fine, and I wouldn't have to sit through therapy, or feeling insecure.
He is certain we can make it work, that we have a lot of good worth saving. That he can do everything that he needs to do. That we will see someone together and he will do the months/years it takes talking to someone to get his issues sorted out. He has talked to a couple of people locally in order to start finding someone he can go to.
We talked about everything - the infidelity, the forum, the porn and swinging stuff, him in general.
I feel better for talking face to face, we achieved more than what was achieved in talks over the telephone.

I am indifferent this morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
PfftTheMagicDragon · 30/09/2010 08:14

did it eandh? Has he always been like that? My husband has. What is his relationship with his parents like?

OP posts:
Madascheese · 30/09/2010 08:32

pfft that sounds really positive.

It must be really tough for you - almost harder I imagine than if he was unrepentant because then you'd be able to stay pissed at his sttitude. I'd struggle with the whole - you (DH) messed up and now you're actually asking me to work/be patient for weeks, months however long it takes to get this back on track...

I know that isn't very helpful or positive, in terms of an opinion but the one thing I noticed missing from your post (and it might just be because of the way you've typed it) is that the sense of repentance seems to have vanished and he's ready to move on and 'fix' things. I guess the only question that matters is, are you?

Original poster
PfftTheMagicDragon · 30/09/2010 09:11

Mad - it is just the way that I have typed it. It was still there, I suppose I'm just feeling a little immune/numb to it all now.

He let me down this morning in an unrelated way and it's just kind of compounded everything.

Yes - I feel that the long counselling/fixing slog is something that I'm not sure I want to do. I mean, you do things that are hard work/stressful, when the person you are with is someone that you love. It feels that I would be working from nothing. That yes, you work towards something, with the idea that the pay off is supposed to be worth it.
Honestly, I have no idea how other people do it. How they sit through the sessions, how they have the same conversations over and over, with no bank of happiness to fall back on.

OP posts:
Original poster
PfftTheMagicDragon · 30/09/2010 09:33

I am currently trying not to comment on the "what are you getting your DH for Christmas this year?" thread....

OP posts:
Original poster
PfftTheMagicDragon · 30/09/2010 09:45

I'm going to give you all the benefit of the doubt for not all legging it onto my thread this morning, you did all have a busy night Grin AF, I hope you left enough of Barmy fort he rest of us

I'll just amuse myself

H has e-mailed me to say that he is taking tomorrow off from work so that we can talk more. I don't want to have any discussions with DD around though, I don't want to discuss these things when the children are aware because they hear things. Maybe he can look after her and I can sleep instead.

In unrelated/uninteresting news, DD (22 months) did a wee on the toilet this morning. The things you smile about, eh?

OP posts:
Mouseface · 30/09/2010 09:46

Pfft

I'm glad that you feel better for the face to face talks and that you managed to get some sleep.

When you say that you don't know how other people do it, go over the same ground again and again, I have to say I agree but purely based on my own experiences.

I could never see myself banging home the same point over and over and over if it didn't feel right. If it felt like I was hitting the same wall over and over IYSWIM?

I'm not sure what to sugget but maybe have the one or two joint sessions and if it's not for you, then it's not.

Counselling isn't for everyone but I am a huge believer that it all depends on the counsellor themselves. If you don't feel at ease, or click with then, or have any confidence in them, it simply won't work.

How did you leave things?

Mouseface · 30/09/2010 09:47

X posted Pfft.

Great news re DD! Grin

fedupofnamechanging · 30/09/2010 09:58

Hi Pfft. Saw this thread last night and just wanted to add my best wishes and support.

My DH had what I think of as an emotional affair a few years ago. He denies all wrong doing and maintains it was just a friendship. I don't know, but texting a woman in the middle of the night from the privacy of the bathroom seems like more than friendship to me! When I checked the phone bill I saw texts to her followed immediately by an 'I love you' text to me. Don't know if he was feeling guily or covering his tracks. I didn't have MN then, so had no one to talk to or ask advice from, so I'm glad for you that you can talk to people here.

The worst thing for me was the feeling that everything I had believed in had been a lie. When I found MN, I saw a thread and read about how unfaithful people distance themselves from the relationship with their partners, deflect blame etc to justify their actions to themselves. These words (might have been from WWIFN, can't remember) articulated everything I had been feeling and hadn't acknowledged even to myself.

I too veered between desperately wanting everything to go back to 'normal' and not caring at all. I wish I could have had someone to share it with and give me an outside perspective.

I think that whether you can get over this very much depends on your own personality. Some people are very good at forgiveness and not holding grudges. For myself, I have forgiven (DH had been through a period of depression, his father had also died recently and I think the other 'friendship' was sometrhing that had no baggage). I never forget though and sometimes feel there is a hairline fracture in our relationship.
I don't regret staying (I think it was best for my DCs and I do love my husband. I know he loves me too) but i did lose the respect and total faith I'd had in him. I will never trust him totally again.

Before you make a decision, perhaps he should try to sort his issues without you having to go to the counsellor with him and have to talk about all this stuff over and over. These are his problems, not yours. Weigh up a bit later on whether you still have feelings for him. It's natural to feel numb, I think. You don't have to rush into anything.

I wish you all the best, whatever you do.

MistyB · 30/09/2010 10:04

Glad it went peacefully and from what it sounds constructively. (or have I got my rose tinted glasses on?)

TBH, counselling does not really sound like it's for you right now. This problem was not your making. However, if your DH does go, you want to be sure your voice is being heard, somehow.

Your "bank of happiness" comment sounded from the heart. I get the impression that you do have one and you are trying to figure out if it's enough and what happens when if it's smaller than the bank of pain.

Maybe you could get out of the house on your own tomorrow for a bit and / or do something nice together with your DD - shame the weather forecast is not better!

The weekend is a long time. It will be interesting to see if you have many more incidents of him letting you down in other ways too.

MistyB · 30/09/2010 10:04

Glad it went peacefully and from what it sounds constructively. (or have I got my rose tinted glasses on?)

TBH, counselling does not really sound like it's for you right now. This problem was not your making. However, if your DH does go, you want to be sure your voice is being heard, somehow.

Your "bank of happiness" comment sounded from the heart. I get the impression that you do have one and you are trying to figure out if it's enough and what happens when if it's smaller than the bank of pain.

Maybe you could get out of the house on your own tomorrow for a bit and / or do something nice together with your DD - shame the weather forecast is not better!

The weekend is a long time. It will be interesting to see if you have many more incidents of him letting you down in other ways too or if there are more bank of happiness moments than painful ones.

Malificence · 30/09/2010 10:10

I hope that whatever you decide to do long term gives you peace of mind Pfft. Smile

He's the one with a lot of work to to - on himself.

Good luck.

MistyB · 30/09/2010 10:12

Sorry - toddler helping!!

Original poster
PfftTheMagicDragon · 30/09/2010 10:44

Thank you for the messages this morning Smile

OP posts:
Tippychoocks · 30/09/2010 10:44

Pfft, sorry, was school running Grin

Your talk sounds positive? But I get what you mean about no bank of happiness. When this happened to me, I realised that actually I wanted to save the idea of a happy family, I wanted to protect DD and I wanted the potential siblings for DD. But everything I had felt for ExH had gone and I just knew it wasn't coming back Sad. In the end I couldn't make it work just for DD.

Maybe if he takes the counselling seriously it will change your feelings? I never felt Ex was trying hard enough, I was angry and tbh I wanted him to be making it up to me every minute of the day. If your DH does that, praps it'll slowly change your mind?

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