Another DickFace to Add to The Pile

[PfftTheMagicDragon]

....Of men that you thought wouldnever betray you but then did it anyway!

My DH has always been loyal. To a fault. Never cheated. Was cheated on in the past by girlfriends, worshipped the ground I walked on. Good sex life, with dry patches, we had started about a year ago to spice things up, toys, bondage.

Turns out, he's been internet flirting/sexting/fucking her on MSN!!

Delightful

It started 6 days ago. I have seen his phone. And the e-mails and a picture that they exchanged.

And now I am just like all the others. I did ask him how it felt - To be just like all the other cheating dickwads that I read about on here. If it was worth it, if he was thinking about what every other weekend would feel like when he was telling her how much he likes her wet pussy.

Super.

I'm angry, can't you tell?

the doughnut deserves much respect !

Pfft, it was a long time coming. I did what you shouldn't (& don't appear to be about to) do - I just kept giving chances once the anger had subsided & he'd apologised. He had a porn addiction. A nasty one, which led to him making lots of nasty personal comments towards me, as I didn't live up to his modified standards of womanhood. Whilst he rejected sex. He didn't involve any 'real' people though, so I can't imagine how crappy that is. To be honest, I'm enjoying not living with him. He was a drain on me. But that is a reflection of our relationship, not single motherhood as a whole. It's emotionally difficult - of course it is - & I still have very big lows, but generally I'm okay. You will be too, whatever you decide.

What kind of number is it? Mobile or landline?

(Crunch, I'm the same. It was a big part of my life for 7 years )

Ah you're both so strong pfft and doughnut. The fact you feel better without him doughnut is very telling.

wap usage is web connection, don't know about the data calls though - sorry.

Isn't it just? I entirely genuinely have replaced him with a stepladder & a dishwasher. & now I can do what I like while he's forced to interact with his child. & for the first time in DS's life, I'm not up & down with him all night - H has to take his turn.

I do miss him (& still love him, to be honest), and can quite easily sit & cry if I let myself - but I am better off without him. He had far too many chances & didn't care. Even now, he's not fighting for me. It took him several hours to even say the word 'sorry' when I found the last lot of porn

Pfft's husband is fighting, which obviously must make it so much harder to make the decision (but so much easier to repair things if that's what she decides).

PB I was wondering about the size of the transfer and what that means for what he has been sending. I know he sent a picture, but there are a couple of other large transfers, but have no idea what size means what, IYSWIM?

It is a mobile number. I called it today but it was not recognised.

I currently feel (of course, this could all change tomorrow) that if I were to find nothing else and if he sontinues to be repentant and makes moves to change and all that, then I could consider trying to move on with him.

I am very worried that I will find something else though.

maybe you will

but don't let it stop you from looking

you could not live with yourself if you didn't unturn every stone, could you ?

Am I right to remember that he hasn't been texting but using his phone for emails? I'm not sure how that would show on a bill, I guess emails would be wap usage. What do the transfers show as, are they Wap or data calls?

If you do decide that then there'd be nothing wrong with doing what Brian did and monitoring how honest he is being for the short term.

I really hope you don't find anything else.

There's no hurry to make a decision. Take your time. Don't do anything until you are sure you feel right about it.

If you do find something else you will just deal with it, it's better to find out now than later.

It's possibly web browsing as opposed to deliberately sending something?

Yes, I know I have to keep looking.

It is data-WAP as opposed to voice calls or texts. But he does browse online a lot. And he sends e-mails. Most of the data is below about 70kb or so, but there are a few that are bigger, a few between 100-500kb and then even fewer are bigger, 1000kb right up to 10000kb. I would like to know, say, if a website is likely to be more than sending an e-mail, and what would a massive one be likely to be.

I should post in geekland I know but am rather drained. Tomorrow.

Sorry pfft I'm lost now. Doughnut's right, I don't know if there is any way to tell if it's just web browsing or emailing, afterall emails will have been sent from a website.. I think? Sorry, not being much help am I

RTD I was on your thread when you went for the train and you really should be proud of yourself and where you are now.

Pfft, can't help with tech stuff but I am thinking of you and I hope you get the answers you need

AF - that's it...don't let Pfft start to wobble - if nothing else, it will mean your attempts to encourage her to end her marriage will have come to naught!

Continue dripping poison into her ear...all the while conveniently removed from this scenario.

I admire your persistence, if nothing else.

She's a lucky lass indeed to have people like you "supporting" her

(And, FWIW, yes I am well aware of the concept of 'devil's advocate' - I thought I was playing that role, given that my posts have been the only ones running against the grain of everyone else's).

Pfft - I hope you come to terms with what has happened soon enough and are able to make a decision that suits you and your children best. I do recommend an impartial chat with Samaritans - the contrast with what you get on here is palpable!

All the best.

Pfft

Take your time. Do what you need to, to resolve this situation in your head. And in your heart.

Pick through the advice on here, some of it is truly brilliant, some of it not so, and apply what matches to you IYSWIM.

If you decide to forgive him, that really is YOUR choice. If not, again, it's YOUR choice.

Be gentle with yourself. Take your time.

xx

Oh come on, Barmy! I have been polite, several times> At one point it seemed as if I, the one with other things on her plate, was the only one actually listening to you. Can you just fucking stop with the personal attacks on my thread please? Because it seems like you have some sort of vendetta or something.

I understand the thory behind all of your intentions but it is coming out all wrong.

If all you are going to do is attack AF, then can you just not come back, because I can't deal with this shit along with everything else.

The 1Mg - 10Mg data transfers are likely to be photos.

But they could also be spreadsheets, powerpoints etc if he uses his phone for work.

Its unlikely they are video, as video files are generally bigger.

BA...do fuck off, there's a love

He's such a ..... tosser, yes, that's the word.

I think he fancies me, mal

what should I do ???

< frets >

I think you should get in there, AF. He seems like a right catch.

Pfft, you're doing so well. How were the children at bedtime?

(Also, thanks Mad :) I know very well that you were on my thread, because you were lovely to me x)

10Mb will be a large photo, a small video or an album of songs. It could also be work files, as fanjolina says, or game transfers. I use a Blackberry and very little of my online activity shows up - if there's a wireless connection nearby it uses that, so the data doesn't count against my phone bill. I think you'll give yourself brain damage by trying to turn tech detective, unless you are an obsessive geek. Even then you'd need to get hold of his phone and whatever software it uses for file analysis.

On the other hand, there may be far simpler snoops you could try. If you know his logins, check for Hotmail, Yahoo and Gmail accounts. Is he on a workplace network? Does he have a remote login for that?

Reading so many threads on here has given me a better understanding of why snooping can be helpful (especially if you aim to reconstruct the relationship). But I have to say I never want to feel that lowdown & dirty again, so I wouldn't do it. I'd dump the fucker, preferably sending him giftwrapped to OW with my best wishes.