Another DickFace to Add to The Pile

[PfftTheMagicDragon]

....Of men that you thought wouldnever betray you but then did it anyway!

My DH has always been loyal. To a fault. Never cheated. Was cheated on in the past by girlfriends, worshipped the ground I walked on. Good sex life, with dry patches, we had started about a year ago to spice things up, toys, bondage.

Turns out, he's been internet flirting/sexting/fucking her on MSN!!

Delightful

It started 6 days ago. I have seen his phone. And the e-mails and a picture that they exchanged.

And now I am just like all the others. I did ask him how it felt - To be just like all the other cheating dickwads that I read about on here. If it was worth it, if he was thinking about what every other weekend would feel like when he was telling her how much he likes her wet pussy.

Super.

I'm angry, can't you tell?

Barmy, you are clearly being ridiculous. You could therefor argue that you are my husbands best mate and have an interest in keeping us together

AnyFucker has been very supportive on this thread. I'd appreciate it is you lay off.

I don't think that AF has at any point claimed to have balance and do you know what? Not everyone needs to have balance. She isn't here ot put things in a fair way, or to make sure my husband gets represented correctly. She is here to help me. To talk to me. To make sure that I do what I need to do. And to make sure that I find the truth.

How are things going with your kids pfft? What age are they? Sorry if you've said this already.

I found myself really hyper and kind of over doing the cheeriness when I was going through all this with my H. Almost like I was so on edge the whole time, but with them it came all extra jolly and mad.

Hope you've been eating today - try the kids tea??

Pfft - fair enough. I misinterpreted the requirement and have been found lacking!

Pfft, I'm so sorry you're going through all this, have just read the whole thread :(

I know af never needs any defending :) but BA, seriously? I cannot see what you offer to pfft on this thread at all. She has said that although she appreciates you taking your time to post, your particular brand of advice and support is not what she needs.

Pfft sorry for rephrasing your words, but BA seems to be taking the focus of the point of all this; that point of course being you! :)

BA if you want to start a discussion on the relative merits of AF's support then please start your own thread. I'm suree it'll go really well [evil grin emotion]

Sorry again pfft, feel free to contradict everything i've said. I am so impressed with how together you seem through all of this.

I'd have thought that on a support thread for pfft in her current situation a fair amount of bias towards her is not only reasonable but pretty much required. At this stage this is about getting a Mum through a really tough week with her kids, not rationalising everything.

Sorry BA but I think you have misinterpreted the many comments that have been made.

Sorry pfft, slightly rude of me to crash back like that.

We're doing cheese pie for tea littlemads favourite - what are you guys having?

Yep, I haven't been of much help, I'll admit!

I do prefer a more balanced examination of any incident that provokes a thread on MN but, as is pretty obvious - neither Pfft nor her supporters want that balance on here.

I guess it's the mealy-mouthed, non-judgemental, uber-liberal training we got at Samaritans that is hard to shake off - and why I think that place is far more useful than this.

BA, nobody's asking for you to find it useful - they're asking that Pfft is able to get the support that she needs. Her husband's needs can fuck off from here unless directly relevant to something that Pfft needs to work through. He has sacrificed his right to being argued for in her space, here. This thread is for Pfft to find useful, not you.

Pfft - my only snippet of advice would be to listen. Listen to the wise women on here (and in RL if you have that support), listen to what your husband says, but ultimately listen to your gut and trust yourself. The inner strength, self-respect and dignity that you so obviously have will get you through this steaming pile of crap.

Your children are very, very lucky to have a woman like you as their mother.

loves2walk - my dp tried to steer clear of all conversations relating to what had happened (this was a few months after I found out) and get back to 'normal'. I was very annoyed and felt he was trying to draw a line and 'move on' and I wasn't ready to.

We had a big row chat about this eventually and he explained that each time it came up he felt it hurt me more and our relationship moved forward 3 steps but then back 2. He also felt scared that I'd change my mind and not decide to try again.

I explained I needed to be able to talk about it sometimes and that I needed his reassurances sometimes, not a swift attempt to change the subject. Since that chat he has been great with saying 'you're feeling bad aren't you?' or 'has that just triggered memories' and now the whole thing has receded because we've taken it out into the light (sorry - im going to start writing for clinton cards soon )

Something I didn't understand Pfft, did he say he wanted to carry on with her after her husband found out? This wasn't after you found out was it??

BA, like I have said to you before, although you mean well (I think), you just don't "get" the nature of support that women can offer each other.

If Pfft needed only "there-there's" and for everybody to agree that everything her husband is doing/has done has a positive spin, then there would be no point in her posting would there ?

have you ever appreciated the concept of "devil's advocate" ? In that somebody pointing out that, actually, you may need to be aware of this, or that, so that you have thought of all angles before making up your mind

if it helps you, BA, think of me as like the evil monkey on your left shoulder...just making sure you are considering the difficult questions too

in no way on this thread have I said that pfft should irrevocably split with her husband, but neither should she sweep this under the carpet so they can all feel better...because that can never work

she has asked me my personal opinion, but I made it quite plain that is exactly what it was

so how is giving my personal take on this any different than you giving yours ? Pfft is an intelligent lady, she wants to consider all the angles and make sure nothing comes back to bite her on the bum later down the line...

now quit derailing this thread, if you please

I wrote out a long reply to BA, but then realised its complete irrelevance. Sorry pfft.

I don't think your h should be any where near behaving as though you are in the process of moving on. He's probably oblivious rather than devious, but either way it must leave you feeling like he has no idea who you are.

That must be the worst thing, feeling like he is a stranger, and a stranger who has no clue about who you are. You need to be very clear, when you want to talk to him, with how you feel and how either way this is over. Whether that means you can start again or not is the issue now.

RespectTheDoughnut - I guess we just have different ideas as to what constitutes 'support'. But that's a discussion for another thread!

Barmy, you know that thing at parties where you suddenly realise that everyone is in the kitchen, and you are the only one stood by the stereo with a warm beer?

That's you in this scenario

pfft, you sound cool and calm, hope the talk goes the way you want it to.

so go start one, BA

Hello, crunchy one . Thank you and no, I find no need to contradict you. I have appreciated Barmy's time, although he has once again misinterpreted. I don't want everyone to be like AF (!), that is not what I expect from him. But I feel that he is venting some sort of misplaced emotion on this thread maybe and it is not the place. Barmy - it is not that I do not want the balance. But I want posters who offer balance within their own posts, so two views, and then people who support me. I don't want people who come on and offer pretend advice when they are actually consistently supporting my husband and talking about The Rules. You haven't offered any balance. You haven't asked if I am ok, or how I am doing. You haven't offered me advice on how to get through the next few days. You have not empathised. Well you have, but not with me. I am not, and have not at any point asked you to leave the thread, but you need ot look at what you are doing here and what sort of service you are providing.

loves2walk - thank you, the children are 5 and 22 months. So small. They are mostly ok but DS is a little emotional, I think he is picking up on the animosity that was here at the weekend. I have had a chat with him. He is very emotional and gentle anyway.

Madascheese - The children are having pasta for dinner but DS has managed to wangle dough balls out of me he is a carb fiend.

purplehat thank you so much It's hard to feel like a good parent when all this shit is flying around, and it is nice to hear it. I worry so much about them, they are so litle and while I know that they are adaptable, I don't subscribe to the thought that they don't notice what is going on. I think that they are very perceptive. DS was upset going to sleep last night and I feel like I can't do anything about it

brian it was after her husband found out. She was missing online for a day or so and he sent her a message asking if she was ok. She explained and later he said that he was worried about her, that he was watching the e-mail waiting for her to contact him and that he wanted to continue on as they were. That he didn't want to stop. And that if they couldn't continue on as they were, he would still like to be friends and chat on the forum that they met on.

AF I almost called you the evil conscience on my shoulder in my last post I thought you might be offended so I didn't. HA!

at perfumed

I totally respect the doughnut, btw

I am having trouble deciding if some of the things that he has said and done are extremely stupid or very devious. The problem is, that I can't respect either.

gosh, you really do sound wonderful, pfft

That's still funny sweetie :o

I think he's probably stupid rather than devious, but neither is very clever.

I remember h telling me he was pleased we were sorting things out, I was no where near making a decision. It seemed so presumptuous. But it was just stupid wishful thinking on his part. Different circs, similar behaviour.

I hope he's keeping that snot coming!

For me Pfft it took a long time to work through this is my own head. I was angry, hurt, doubted myself, kept wondering why our life wasn't enough for him. He told me over and over it had nothing to do with us, he was happy, he'd just got addicted to the 'thrill' of talking to women online, the flirting, the feeling attractive.

I'm a couple of years down the line and it still rears its head occasionally (as someone above said I had unpleasant flashbacks after posting on this thread yesterday). But, if you choose to stay together then I suppose Im saying there is light at the end of the tunnel.

You can get the respect back, he can earn it back (if he is willing to).

I think a lot of different views have been posted on this thread, both of the 'kill the fucker' and the 'try and work it out' variety. I think both are equally valid and in time you will work out what is right for you

FWIW think about the only timescale you have to work to here, it's yours. i appreciate that no-one is likely to want to live a nightmare for longer than necessary, but you are entitled to take as long as you need to make up your mind about this.

I'm awestruck by the fact it's only Tuesday and you're so rational. you're an amazing lady and I have total respect for what you're dealing with.

and mmmm doughballs.....

Does anyone here know anything about WAP and data usage?

Have you tried asking in the geeky stuff topic?

No, I will though. Just trawling through phone records. Am googling phone numbers like mad.

Crunch! You got it! You must be a hardcore fan

Pfft, you're doing so well. My DS is almost 18 months & I split up with H 3 weeks ago. At first DS was quite tantrummy, & didn't want to be left with the CM at all. But he is so much better now. He's back to normal, and actually likes having two homes I think - he gets 100% attention from each of us, instead of partial attention when we were together, because H was on his laptop, or we were busy, or talking to each other, etc.

So yes, they do notice. I'm not going to insult you by pretending that they don't. But it's such a brief thing, and shouldn't be a factor for you. & you certainly shouldn't feel guilty about taking their dad away from them or anything (I did... occasionally still do) because it's his fault. You've done nothing wrong.

(& your DS has an excellent palate pasta & doughballs sound amazing)

Respect...only 3 weeks! That is recent. You must be feeling pretty crappy, and you come here to talk to me! Thank you. I hope that I can do the same in 3 weeks.

My main concern now is a telephone number that he was on the line for a minute and a half for a week ago and now is not recognised.

Haven't watched it in years, but I could still reel it all off word for word

Pfft hope you're ok. I can't imagine that's a nice job. Take your time, don't do more that you feel able to x