No ejaculations and runs off in the morning

[Thomcat]

That's the crux of the problem.

My bestest, oldest, dearest friend has started seeing a guy, 38 yrs old, and has so far enjoyed about a month of his company.

However there seems to be a few problems.

1. When he stays over, which is alot, every weekend so far and during the week, he wakes up & opens his eyes and within 15 minutes he's out of the door saying he'll be back in an hur or so, and he is, but why the running off.

2. They have had sex a fair amount. Possibly not quite as much as they could/should be having in the first heady days of a relationship, but an ok amount. He gets an erection but so far, in over a month, he hasn't come. She has, that's all fine, but he hasn't.

We know he likes a beer, probably a bit too much.
QUESTION: If he gets an erection but doesn't ejaculate is that a drink related problem, or not?
QUESTION: What else could be causing the lack of ejaculation?
FACT : He gets an erection but it's not like he's just such a stud he can go for hours and not come. I think, from what I know, he gets one but it doesn't last for that long.

I'm not sure what else to tell you, so ask away and I'll do my best to answer / find out.

Any ideas about this ejaculation thing and also any ideas about what she should do about his running off every morning for an hour? Is that related to the sex thing do you think, is he leaving before she gets a chance to get saucy with him?

Off to make Lottie lunch, be back to see if any of you wise women have any clues.

TC x

pmsl @ dilly

Getting back to being serious, I honestly think that him not having ejaculations is the least of her worries.

Anyone who has a beer first thing in the morning, is bad news, full stop. No-one who is not alcohol-dependent does that, unless they've been drinking all night and it still feels like night time, iyswim.

Quite apart from his early morning disappearances and lack of ejaculations, your friend needs to seriously consider whether she actually wants to tie herself up with someone who has serious alcohol problems. Because he does. If she calls Al-Anon and describes his drinking behaviour to them, I'm pretty sure they'll agree with me.

He sounds like he's sending out massive, loud and clear "FGS drive on, don't stop here unless you enjoy getting embroiled with trouble" signals. Interesting that your friend isn't reading them!

Trust Caligula to be serious and helpful. Pah

I just hope it isn't that he has a girlfriend working away somewhere that phones him in the morning

I really hope it isn't though.

Or the going home to feed the pet or let out the cat etc. But why wouldn't he say that?

Does he have any pets?

Does she?

Ha ha ha. Well I felt I had to make up for last night!

Sorry, I'm with Caligula. Actually, apart from the beer (and the rest)I just think if you are in the first month of your relationship and you don't feel
a/like you are falling in love and
b/able to say, 'hey darling, where are you off to? Come here and come back to bed'
You are screwed, basically. If you are so doubtful about his behaviour that you dare not ask him what he is doing, and you are trying to 'decode' him via your friends, this isn't a man to love, marry and have babies with. Maybe your friend really doesn't want this, but I bet she does. I'd say, don't waste time on this. Find someone with whom she feels totally comfortable and honest with, and who she can fall in love with (and vice versa).

I think this sounds like a strange relationship.

When dh and I first fell in love, we wanted to share everything, and be together every minute. We didn't keep secrets from each other.

If she doesn't feel she can ask, the relationship is going nowhere. If he's dashing off without telling her why, the relationship is going nowhere.

I think TC that your friend should maybe enjoy the time they're spending together, but not get her hopes up that this is long-term.

1. He is a superhero and has to rush off to save the world.

2. Ejaculation drains him of his superpowers.

3. He's gay and still lives with his mum.

Message withdrawn

I think some people take ages to be brave enough to ask these sorts of questions.

(Not me, though. Put his phone number up, TC, I'll phone him and ask: "The Internet wants to know: where do you go in the morning? And why don't you ejaculate?")

One of the chaps I used to know who didn't (generally) ejaculate, used to fake orgasms, when he couldn't be bothered any more.

If it was drink, surely she'd be able to smell it when he gets back? Likewise cigarettes.

Apart from the mystery of all this, I am with Caligula and Aloha on prospects for the realtionship, generally.

Unless he dashes off to prepare her a secret surprise of some sort - he is building her a boat or raising a flower bed with the words 'I love you' spelt out in pink begonias, or fashioning a topiary hedge in her image which needs clipping each morning. Maybe?

lolol blu

at Blu

maybe he has to present himself at the local police station on a daily basis!

IMHO things are likely to get worse or boring as a relationship progresses, not better (unless some meaninful event brings the couple closer)

I'm with caligula on this one.

I know someone who secretly build a bed for his beloved, but he didn't rush off for one hour exactly every morning to do it! Otherwise -

Wordsmith, thanks for that! Funnily enough she's not only thought of asking him, she's going to. But friends will do what friends do and speculate with their best mates first and I said I'd start this thread, and I'm so glad I did, it's mad and very funny, and amusing everyone, inc my best mate.
She hasn't asked him yet becasue at first she thought it was just he wanted his own space as he's used to being a single man, and she just thought, 'ohh, that's a bit odd', then it got odder and we discussed it as she was working out what might be going on in her own head first.
It's early days in their relationship, very early, she's not really sure where they are going, if anywhere,and before she speaks to him about anything and risks him just denying anything she wants to work it out, if she can, a bit, for herself first.
Believe me, she will be asking him.

Well let us know what he says!

Coppertop's suggestion was my first thought - it causes lack of orgasm in a LOT of men - and men with erections problems might want to avoid the early-morning sex opportunity because it's too stressful for them unless they've popped a pill an hour or so beforehand.

(Viagra)

Oh please do resurrect this thread once there's an explanation. I so want to find out what the mystery is now!

Yes please please please tell what he says.

I'll be on tenterhooks (whatever they are) till then

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I love this thread, haven't got any advice but love it. you're all so funny

Perhaps he has a secret internet habit - has to log on to FathersDirect for the latest intrigue into people's friends love lives...

what time does he go?has he got a mobile? i'd have checked that by now!