The Brave Babes Carry On The Charabanc Trip - Leaving The Booze Behind!

[Mouseface]

Hello and welcome!

This is thread number eight!

The Brave Babes are all at different stages of quitting the booze. Some have stopped, some are thinking about it and some are just cutting down.

They are full of support and wisdom for those of you wishing to climb aboard the Bus or Charabanc!!

The Babes aren't an exclusive club, they never judge and they don't charge for advice either!

So, come meet them. I'm Mouse, by the way, and I've been sober since August 2nd 2010, something I would never have even considered without the support of these threads.

Here are the first seven threads, if you want a bit of history.

JWN's original thread

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

Thread seven

Hi Silver and thanks for posting part 1. I find it difficult to remember people's back-stories on here.

Just as well you posted when you did 'cos I think mn was off-line for a bit. You'd have been peed off if you'd carried on with a longer post and then lost it.

Oh, and I see part 2 now.

This may be a ridiculous (and totally inappropriate place to ask) but has anyone heard about any therapy/meetings aimed at reverting alcoholics back to moderate, social drinkers?
I have had a hell of a day with the kids and would love to ease it all away with just one glass of wine.
I am not going to drink today but would am really pissed off with myself for abusing a simple, grown-up pleasure in life to the extent that I may have to accept I can never indulge again.

Hope I am not boring you all.............

Then partner goes abroad for a few days with his children - DISASTER - no-one will know - I'll just have a glass or two tonight and that will be it I tell myself....as we all do. Of course straight back to square one - not quite - nights with nothing then a sunny lovely day and "Why the hell can't I sit in the garden and enjoy a glass of wine".

partner home and I don't touch a drop for a week or so - Then I go back to work - driving home and I think (again) I deserve a drink after long day - but he'll smell it on my breath (he doesn't drink - just never has) - I know, I'll get Vodka - he won't smell that (as if!!). That was about 10 days ago. That half bottle of vodka turned into the same every night.

And now here I am - alone.

Need to mention the weed. I got it because I thought I HAD to have a way of NOT BEING JUST ME. Something to alter my mind. And i thought it would help me to not drink. In a lot of ways it did - I'm not talking about the Skunk shit that people smoke now, but very pure spliff from a friend I have known for 20 years - just a nice little relaxant - and that was all fine - until he found it and went ballistic three days ago - on our first date I skinned up in front of him and he never said a word. I genuinely didn't think it would bother him that much - FUCK how wrong can you be after 5 years with someone. Add to that the empty HALF bottle of vodka in my handbag..........and worst of all THE LIES. (except I still maintain that I never told any - he just never asked and had he, I would have been honest)

So I'm meeting him tomorrow to talk........

and obviously the booze has to go for ever.

But I can honestly say that this thread - being able to be totally honest - will be the thing that gives me the strength to STOP.

Luci, don't think about never.

Just stick with your resolution for today.

It wouldn't be a problem if you could ease it all away with 'JUST ONE GLASS OF WINE'. Problem for me is that if I had one, then I'd want the next one, and the next, and the next.

It wasn't the ONE GLASS that was the problem., So now I am simply not picking up that first glass.

I do completely understand how pissed off you feel. That's allowed, you know. Just don;t feel so pissed off that the only solution is to have a drink. That would be silly. I know. It has happened to me.

Well done Silver. For being honest. And ofr having the courage to recognise what's being going on.

Yes it's scary having to be yourself, without a mood altering drug, but sometimes it's exciting too. Like you said, enjoying the rockpools with the kids, remebering all the little details. That's good, it's nice, it can make you happy. A real kind of happy, not a drug / aclohol induced false happiness. Just a look at the sky happiness, a listen to your kids giggling happiness, and if you can turn things round with your dp, then maybe a lot of other intimate happiness. And that's not scary, it's good.

But please excuse some of my posts about happiness Silver, I am pretty much into meditation and mindfulness and self-compassion (the stuff Buddhists do, although I'm not Buddhist) and I find that mind-altering, in a good way (even if it sometimes makes me weep).

Luci

All I can say is that I would love to be able to do that - but I think if you are on this thread you know deep down that you can't - only going by my own experience - but I do know when I have tried to limit my intake I expend so much bloody energy thinking about it that it is just easier to leave it alone. That is just me - most people can be social or ocassional drinkers - personally I now know after 20 years of trying that I can't be - you used a very telling word in your post - 'abusing' - but I wish you the best and hope you can achieve how you would like to be x

hi! in and out again - just a quickie to silver and luci -

silver - you are doing really well, that bit of honesty could be your saviour! - if you love him and want teh relationship to continue, TALK!!! to the man!! he may be desperate to help!

luci - hang on in there, you know the saying - ONE DAY AT A TIME!! right now you are over thinking it, STOP IT!!, you will drive yourself mad! and for what?, a fucking glass of poison - get a grip my girl!!, i tell you what, if i can do this you bloody well can!

off out for a family dinner birthday dinner now - see you all later

be a bit kind to yourselves and this evening

WE WILL NOT BE DRINKING!

just for THIS evening!!!

JWN - I adore him and he adores me - the only thing stopping us, is me and the vino. so he wins hands down and the vino can go fuck itself. Have a lovely evening x

Venus

I have tried meditating so many times - sometimes with success, sometimes not - it's trying to find a quiet space for an hour or so that is the difficulty - and the dedication that I think you need to be able to meditate properly - but I will be trying again - the human mind is so powerful that we don't need other stimulants - if we can harness the energy that's already there - why would we.

Feel so much better for getting that last post off my chest. Now I feel I can be a real Bus Babe xx

Mouse - are you OK?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And i just have to share this - my DD keeps saying the our cat does smelly farts - just sort of agreed and smiled up to now, having never smelt one - he has just done one in front of both of us and OMG it f*ing stank. Worse than mine and that's saying someting..............

Off to watch Waterloo Road in bed and then sleep.

Hope you are all keeping on, keeping on.

Sweet sober dreams lovely people xxxx

Hello.

I am really struggling now with not drinking.

No more switching off from reality and nothing to take me away from the fact my husband has left, I have to leave my home and at 44 launch myself into a job after being at home for 14 years.

Earlier I had a row with ds and am beginning to find it hard to know how to discipline him and be respectful. I have to learn how to do this without anyone here to support me.

A bottle of wine would allow me to switch off from everything and no of course it wouldnt make anything better but then what in sobriety is going to other than a clear head tomorrow.

This is self pity of the worst kind because life is full of these issues for everyone and they dont jump into a wine glass.

The euphoria of doing it , not drinking, is waning and so is my will to stick to it. However I am going to keep going today and just hope some of my optimism and energy and sensible thinking comes back tomorrow

Hope you all sleep well babes, especially silver (been following your story)
Nothing to drink for me. I didn't give in to the wine bottle tonight. Not easy by any means.
Having an early night. Am finding that without alcohol I am much happier to have an early night.
There is only so much "reality of life" you can take in a day.

Goodnight brave babes. X

Silver - so sorry sweetie! Damn MN chucked me out for the afternoon!! Gah!!

I got your email so yes, it works. I have read your posts too and now understand how you got to where you have. I admire you for carrying on. For wanting to stop again and again and again.

I have had the lithium treatment and the community alcohol dependancy team to help me along. Not in recent years. This was after I left a violent, abusive and damaging relationship and went into a hostel for battered women. They put me in touch with the counsellors.

My GP gave me numberous meds to 'fool' my brain into thinking I'd had a drink.

Of course, I drank with them too and ended up in A&E.

Clever Mouse. I always wanted the out of it feel. The 'I'm not really here, you can't hurt me if you can't see me' feeling. I wanted to hide. From myself as much as anyone else.

Luci sleep well lovely. xx

getting - please don't pick up a drink. You WILL regret it. You WILL hate yourself. Can you go get in the bath or go to bed even. Make a warm drink and just go read in bed.

It's so hard, I know, really I do but if you drink tonight, you'll be undoing all that you have done so far.

And to be frank, what the fuck for? Why keep putting your self through this the same shit? Do you enjoy feeling like deep fried dog shite? Do you? Why drink then?

Just go to bed. Get into your pjs and go to bed. Please. xx

Hope everyone else is ok this evening.

Evening everyone.

Mouse I totally get the 'Can't hurt me if you can't see me' thing. My own personal theme tune was 'I am an rock, I am an island, and a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries'

But that invisibility and 'rockiness' is also very isolating, and although my particular island never felt pain or cried, it did feel damn lonely. And it is hard to break out of that. And having a drink is so tempting help me be in that island place.

But I do know that it is an illusion, and by NOT having a drink, I can keep my own sense of reality.

getting dealing with teens is tough. When mine were going through particualrly traumatic periods, it was my sister who kept me going, who gave me some hope and who helped me to manage. Yes the 'ideal' partner would do all of that but I think that being in a realtionship where a partner is unsupportive can be at times more difficult that dealing with things on your own. You are facing loads of tough things, getting out there on your own and making a life and an income. Just tell us what we can do to make this particular step a little easier for you.

Sleep well, lovlies. See you in the morning.

Night venus, sleep well lovely lady.

PS - how are you today re your mum and dad? xx

I think we are all frightened of being ourselves. whether that's because we don't like ourselves or we are trying to escape from something, I don't know.

But I do think that when you remove the wall of /mist/hatred/self-loathing/denial/loss of self esteem/ betrayal/ desperation/abuse - that you can cope in a better way. And when we are thinking clearly, we have such a better chance of being happy.

so sleep as well as you can peeps.

and on a practical level - NYTOL works - you'll have to get through a couple of nights sweating and tossing if you've just stopped - but after that it worked for me. So sorry for not remembering names and all that.

I need your help as much as the small bits of advice I can offer.

xx

Silver

I love life through sober eyes. I see so much more.

I can't take sleeping tablets as I need to be alert for Nemo. Ironic really, given I used to pass out pissed.

Sweet dreams Silver. Tomorrow is another day. xx

hi all, just back from dinner, had a nice meal, good company, had a laugh, had 2 N&Ts!

reading the latest posts all i can say is

BLOODY WELL DONE YOU WONDERFUL BABES!!

another day over, a night of peaceful sleep awaits, then a new day - seeing it in without a hangover!, makes my life so much easier to deal with!

i wont be about till late tomorrow (have an early morning meeting! ), so, good luck and remember

TOMORROW WE WILL NOT BE DRINKING!

see you later!

L XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thanks Venus and Mouse. Mouse thats exactly it I see so much more too and right now I dont want to.

Went to see Tamara Drewe (good fun) my friend wanted to go for a drink afterwards hedged , then she said come back to mine for a drink and I made an excuse.

Made it through another day, I will be happier tomorrow

Night everyone

"This may be a ridiculous (and totally inappropriate place to ask) but has anyone heard about any therapy/meetings aimed at reverting alcoholics back to moderate, social drinkers?"

Yes - they happen all over the country and take place in the same venues and on the same nights as the meetings where they help potential suicides learn to jump half way over a cliff.

"A bottle of wine would allow me to switch off from everything" - live that dream while you can.

I give it a year tops before that same bottle of wine is unleashing terrors in you - fears of what probably will go wrong, fears of what might go wrong, and fears of how you are going to stop from falling apart for another whole day.

Of course, by then it's more likely to be two bottles, but you get my drift.