The Brave Babes Carry On The Charabanc Trip - Leaving The Booze Behind!

[Mouseface]

Hello and welcome!

This is thread number eight!

The Brave Babes are all at different stages of quitting the booze. Some have stopped, some are thinking about it and some are just cutting down.

They are full of support and wisdom for those of you wishing to climb aboard the Bus or Charabanc!!

The Babes aren't an exclusive club, they never judge and they don't charge for advice either!

So, come meet them. I'm Mouse, by the way, and I've been sober since August 2nd 2010, something I would never have even considered without the support of these threads.

Here are the first seven threads, if you want a bit of history.

JWN's original thread

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

Thread seven

morning everyone, well done high hubba saf and luci you go girl!

Interview later aaargh

venus you still going to Delhi?!

Morning everyone,

hi to high and hubba, welcome to the bus.

Luci - you are doing well, keep talking and posting. I don't know if my DD (aged 2) has noticed me not drinking or not but she is now very clingy with me and has noticed that we do more (i.e. leave the house) and go to the park, soft play, library, days out - things that seemed too much bother with a hangover and her behaviour has improved enormously. I can't helped but notice that three months of problems with refusing to go to the toilet ended when she realised she had my attention anyway. the changes in relationships with DC happen in subtle and noticeable ways.

Mouse - how was Nemo last night. I was only up twice, so all good. DD announced this morning that she slept really really well

As of yesterday I have been sober for a month. I didn't imagine that I would get this far when I started. As someone posted a couple of pages back (high?), I drank every night, woke every morning deciding not to drink and then drank again that night. Once you get into the swing of it it gets much easier, just break that behavioural cycle. I don't think past today - which is an excellent lesson generally - and just take life as it comes.

Sadly, I am putting on weight (too much chocolate and crap food) and still generally anxious and procrastinate too much at work. And I am learning that life does not become perfect just because you remove alcohol. But it does because more real. And scary as that is, its less scary than spending my DD life (and mine!) in a haze.

We can do this Brave Babes. . I always wanted to be a cheerleader (too much American fiction as a teenager) so this is my chance ... GO BABES!!

ps venus have been wondering about Delhi too, are you still going? Hope all ok, either way. x

morning everyone!!

luci - i have drunk to a lesser extent from about 20 years old - my first husband announced that children were not on his agenda and im afraid i binged, went totally off the rails, pressed the self-distruct button and stayed like that until we finally ended the marriage - i then met my second husband , the ONLY good thing to come out of that marriage was my dd (he was arrested for murder the day she was born, i got the odd wallop, verbal abuse etc, i now see he was suffering from dreadful PTSD but had no idea about it at the time!), anyway, i really got my life on track, was happy bringing dd up alone, i really did make a bottle of wine last a week

• tehn i met my dh, oops, i was soooo happy!!!, i began a new life, dd loves him and he her, thank god they are incredibly close, i was in a good job, so was my dh, dd was in private school, we had a lovley home (we still have these things but only by the skin of our teeth!), money was no object and i went for it! i think by the time dd was 10 i was drinking at least a bottle a night, at that time though my behaviour wasnt too bad, my drinking escalated to about 2 bottles a day by teh time dd was 13 and has pretty well stayed there since then

• dd says my behaviour has become gradually worse over that time, she says that she remembers the times i was blind drunk when she was little but didnt feel worried by it, and was used to it, as dh sorted me out, its as she has got older that she hates to see me drunk, that i trun into this hateful, spiteful monster - i have no doubt that my drinking has blighted her teenage years and to a lesser degree her younger childhood - our relationship IS damaged, she often treats me as a stupid, dull-witted person but i suppose that when i am drunk thats exactly what i am! and tbh, its only been a few weeks that i have been sober, she has seen me as a drunk all her life really!

i will feel guilty until the day i die that i put my dd through this - i would lay my life down for her, what a bloody shame i didnt lay the bottle down for her earlier!

im pleading with you to stop, the damage i have caused is immeasurable - i can only try to stay sober and begin to make amends to her and hope to god that she can forgive me over time.

Christi - good luck with the interview

Msgee - a month well done. This is more important than your weight you can deal with that later

Lucil - thats fantastic no drink and on a social occasion as well

MIF-rofl at your English degree !!

Mouse hope you got some sleep and are feeling a bit better

So my friend came over last night and as preagreed we didnt drink. She said when she came in it felt weird arriving without a bottle of wine and I just laughed. We didnt drink and it was still a nice weekday night in.

I am feeling great off to Job Club in a minute where I hope someone will help me learn to put a CV online. I am rubbish on the computer.

Oh yes and today I will not be drinking

had another wonderful morning with my DD, off to school with no problems. COincidence? I think not

Day 3 here

Msgee I bought myself a new pair of jeans that FIT and a lovely shirt from Wallis that is VERY slimming - going to dress for my fatness and then lose the weight trying not to get too depressed about it. One thing at a time, one day at a time.

Hi brave people .
Just popping in to say that the battle goes on ,still not drinking .
Feeling very low and full of self pity .Wish not drinking would make everything else better ( tho I realise drinking makes it all worse ) .
Guess the hours of remorse after a binge DONT compensate for the brief respite bought .
Off to buy chocolate .
Good luck Christi with job interview .
And to all those new at the stopping drinking ,the urge does fade ,it does get better .

my new top... so flattering!

gingeroots sorry you are feeling so low. Is there anyone in RL you can talk to? Chocolate good but how about a long walk listening to music? Or a swim?

Christi hope it goes well today. You are sounding really great - happy and confident in yourself. That is the best place to start.

Luci you are sounding very detrermined. Please copy your posts from the last few days and keep them somewhere. If you find your resolve starting to wobble, then re-read them, and notice what you were saying to yourself, and how strong it made you feel.

Hello to high and hubba and well done. The thing that I noticed very strongly in the first couple of weeks of not drinking was that if I could get through the period of intense craving, then it did get better - I just had to find enough to distract me for long enough. I laughed at MIFLAWs list, my own list wasn't exactly the same as his suggestions. But the certain thing for me was that I didn't accidentaly drink. Except for the very rare ocassion when I went to a function and was handed a glass on arrival, I was making a deliberate choice to go to the shops and walk to the alcohol section, and deliberate choice to buy several bottles not just one, a deliberate choice to not have to drive on a night out, a deliberate choice to put two bottles of wine in the fridge to get chilled (a classy drunk like me couldn't possibly drink her second bottle warm!). Now I am using that deliberate planning and thinking to deliberately seek out alternative drinks that I really enjoy, deliberately going for a meal in a country location where I have to drive etc.

Hope everyone else is having a good day.

And, yes I'm still off to Delhi. I am not staying in the athlete's village which is were most of the unhappiness os focused.

And of course, in India, there is no shortage of cheap labour. So cleaning tasks that would be impossible to organise here, can be completed in India.

If you've seen the original 'Alice in Wonderland' where the card soliders are painting the roses red in advance of the Queen of Hearts arriving - that's what things will be like in Delhi. It's the way of things there.

christi - i love your new top! and i love the new positive you!! - reading your your joyful posts are so uplifting!!, good luck with teh interview!

give it time ginger, all will come right in teh end!

hello venus!!, me old darlin!

Thanks Christi - sadly no time for self ,find it hard to make time for this thread .
( self pity alert )
But loving the top - can we have special reccomendations for clothes to cover replacing booze with sugar flab ?
Off to " work " /aka as caring for elderly relatives .

venus thank you. I am feeling happy, confidence levels are slipping a bit. I am trying to stick to your wise words and advice. I got feedback from the third interview. The good things were that they thought I was articulate, passionate and my presenation very interesting. Have clear technical ability and understanding, am likeable and charming and 'likely to make an impact', and I would get on well internally whilst also being adaptable to a wider audience.... All well and good and key to the role... However my PERSONALITY test issues that weren't 'resolved in the interview' were that it was 1. unclear how driven I am (bollocks, I feel) 2. 'displayed a tendency to talk around the subject on more difficult questions' and 3. 'when pressed on the ownership of success it came across that it depended what was asked of me, perhaps demonstrating a potential lack of autonomy and a need for structure and management'.... Any tips on how to deal with this?

Is there any news on Delhi? The photos of that bridge are dreadful, like someone just bolted down a few planks of wood on a block of concrete.

And like venus I notice that the intense cravings do pass. Though I am going through post drinking tiredness at the moment. Waiting for the detox spots to appear!

Good to hear you're still going to Delhi venus, how's your arm post the jabs?

Jesus , Christi just read your quotes - surely the ability to blag it rather than freeze when asked difficult questions is a good thing ?
And nos 3 just gives me brain freeze ,I bet David Cameron didn't/couldn't pass these kind of tests .
Must go !

Thanks gingeroots.

Christi

Look at the huge number of positives against the samll number of possible queries. Where does the balance lie? I make it 10 absoloute postives (from the people who would be wroking with you and managing you) against 3 possible queries (from the HR bod who is probably up her own arse (apologies to any HR people).

Query 1, you think is bollocks (so do I) so that one doesn't count.

Query 2, we talked a bit about that when we met re: having some models on which to base your answer (e.g. analyse, plan, do, review), and giving specific examples of those skills even if it is another context.

Query 3, what YOU seem to do is what I would call 'situational leadership' i.e. the approach you would take is dependent on the situation. It is the most flexible and emotionaly intelligent leadership / management style, so excellent, good on you (not many people are good at it or understand it - they have only 1 or 2 preferred styles). Just go back to giving examples. So if they ask what would you do in x situation, then you could say that you have 2 examples: one where you were clearly responsible, took the lead, made the decisions etc, and another where you made a significant contribution but someone else had the lead because of their specific techincal knowledge or their broader understanding of a complicated situation. Then tell them that you think that your examples demonstrate an adaptive style of leadership.

It is good to focus on what they said before, but you know they are unlikely to come back and ask you the same things, and if they do, just focus on the 10 great things they said about you.

It is not surprising that you are feeling a little nervous (you need all those neurotransmitters to help you perform at your peak), but do not confuse those nervous feelings with a lack of confidence in who you are. You rock woman. Go for it.

venus i heart you. Let's go for another coffee when you're back from Indeeeah, I think we should do to Urban Angel in town and have some brownies... Thank you thank you thank you...

And sorry everyone else for the hijack but ISN'T VENUS AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING!!!

And talking of amazing, where's Mouse and MIFLAW?!

Christi have you heard on the 'halo effect'?

Those who loved you before (and who are the key managers) will be looking to re-inforce their previous positive opinions of you.

articulate
passionate
interesting presentation (good presenter too I recall)

clear technical ability
technical understanding,
likeable
charming
'likely to make an impact'
would get on well internally
also adaptable to wider audience

Well I've woken up this morning feeling really groggy, I thought I would hop out of bed as sprightly as a little lamb. I have noticed though I am more driven today and I have already sorted out a few grown up jobs that have been on my list for ages.

Morning JWN. I was moved by your description of the impact of your drinking on your dd.

I am ashamed to recall the time a couple of years ago when my dd1 was broken-hearted after splitting up with her boyfriend. I took her out for dinner, and of course imposed my own habitual remedy on her forgetting totally that she would not be able to drink like a fish like I could.

We had lots of wine with dinner, then went to a pub to meet some friends of mine and carry on drinking. She was so horribly drunk, and saying awful things and I am ashamed that I did not notice early enough what was happening.

Eventually my dp came and had to carry her out. We took her to her flat but she was in no physical or emotional state to stay there, so we took her home with us. I was pissed so I went to bed while dp slept on dd's floor to deal with her being sick in the night and making sure that she didn't choke. Next day, I went to work, and dp stayed off to care for dd.

The whole thing was awful. Dd still cringes about how she embarassed herself in front of my friends, dp was absoloutely furious at me for getting her that way, and he is still shocked at seeing how emotionally vulnerable she was in that state. As I write it down now, I can't believe how negligent and neglectful I was. What a crap, crap mother. And all because I drink too much and use alcohol as a solution to problems.

The only good thing is that the experience was so awful for her that she rarely drinks at all these days.

Not such an amazing venus after all then

hubba you are finally seeing a hangover through to the end, as MIFLAW would say...
I think you can get round to more stuff, especially when you are not drinking in the evenings. You will get a double sense of achievement this way.

Thanks venus you are a great confidence builder. You are really wonderful.

venus I just read that. I am sorry. But you know, things are changing now. And your DDs are doing well and you are proud of them and I bet they are REALLY proud of you

Hello.

I'm ashamed to say that I haven't caught up.

I was in a living hell last night with Nemo. He was awake from 1-6am. Wide awake, kicking in his cot, chattering, cooing.

I'm exhausted so will try and catch up later.

Hope those who are struggling are getting some great advice! Stay strong Babes!

Sorry I'm not much help today.