The Brave Babes Carry On The Charabanc Trip - Leaving The Booze Behind!

[Mouseface]

Hello and welcome!

This is thread number eight!

The Brave Babes are all at different stages of quitting the booze. Some have stopped, some are thinking about it and some are just cutting down.

They are full of support and wisdom for those of you wishing to climb aboard the Bus or Charabanc!!

The Babes aren't an exclusive club, they never judge and they don't charge for advice either!

So, come meet them. I'm Mouse, by the way, and I've been sober since August 2nd 2010, something I would never have even considered without the support of these threads.

Here are the first seven threads, if you want a bit of history.

JWN's original thread

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

Thread seven

Highonahill

You have to concentrate on you, not DH.

You need to be selfish and put all of your energy into not drinking.

Get yourself some gorgeous juices and make them into tall drinks with loads of ice for drinking at the dinner table and now it's colder, plenty of hot chocolate type bedtime warmers!!

Take it a day at a time and plan your time away from alcohol. Do something different. Take up a hobby, out of the house even!!

Just worry about you for now and leave DH to it. Ignore any digs and just let him be.

He will either join you or support you but wither way, this is about you for now.

'either' not wither!! Sorry.

Saf, that is a pretty spot on analysis of her reasoning. She told me recently that she thought I had had an Enid Blyton style, egg salad sandwich picnic and adventures style childhood which is so far from the reality it is alarming.

Anyone know how maddogs is, just realised I haven't seen her posting in a while!

Nope desire, she's not been around for a while but then again, that happens on here.

Real life gets in the way!!

I guess MIFLAW I start off every day regretting drinking the night before and tell myself that tonight I wont drink but as the day goes on the desire to want to drink over rides the regret and i put it all to the back of my mind.
I have spoken to dh and he has encouraged me to tip it all away, im feeling quite odd about it all, i know if it was here i would be drinking it by now and that makes me a bit wishful that i hadnt but in the same respect pleased that i have. I have to go to the shop for toilet roll so there will be temptation there. Do you guys think a nice cake or some choco/sweets would help as a little reward.
Tell me it gets easier than this!

hubba

Sadly, regrets won't keep you sober. In some cases, they are more likely to make you drink, as the depression and self-pity make you feel a failure and a drink seems the obvious solution.

(FWIW I regret not doing English Lit at university. However, they have yet to send me the certificate - when I phoned up and asked where it was they said something about attending for three years and taking some exams.)

What will keep you sober is not opening a drink and pouring it into your mouth. How does one achieve that? First of all, one decides that, FOR TODAY, one is not going to drink. DO NOT plan for a week, a month, a year, or the rest of your life. Pick a single day and go for it like your life depended on it (which it does.)

1. pour away any alcohol in the house that belongs to you (if it belongs to someone else you may have to live with it.)

2. do not buy any alcohol. You do not need it because, today, you are not going to be drinking it.

3. For the first few days, keep visits to premises selling alcohol to an absolute minimum. DO NOT go to the pub. DO NOT go to a wine bar. DO NOT go to a grocer's shop selling alcohol. Buy all your groceries today if possible and then avoid such shops for the next few days. If you must go into any of these places, do not leave the house without a list.

4. Tell as many people as possible that you are not drinking at the moment. This will make it harder for you to get away with a drink later.

5. ASK FOR HELP. For many of us, AA works in this respect. If this is not for you (though I am always curious as to why, especially when someone has never tried it) then use this thread instead.

6. If you want a drink, remind yourself that, just for today, you are not drinking; remind yourself why that is (re-read your posting here, remember your past exploits, etc); and, if you still want a drink, TOUGH. Do something else. Anything. Go for a walk. Read a book. Masturbate. Eat a pie. If this is a struggle, repeat step 6. DO NOT DRINK. Remember, drinking is a physical activity that you control. If there is no drink in your hand, you cannot drink it and if you do not drink you can't get drunk. Your enemy is the mental obsession that tells you you need to do it and/or it is a good idea.

If you take this seriously, you will not drink for a day. That evening, try to be grateful for the fact that you have not drunk. Try to express that gratitude in some way. Then go to bed.

Tomorrow, decide whether you want to be free for another day or condemn yourself to a long, slow and lonely death. Assuming you choose the former, start at the top of the list again.

Thanks Mouse - you're making sense.

hubba - go for it on the sweet stuff. I've done exactly the same thing myself, as last night was was raiding the kids sweets as a diversion. So I've been out today and bought some of my fav chocs and if when I get through the evening without the booze I'll be rewarding myself. I've also bought some nice fizzy water, limes, sparkling elderflower etc today.

I haven't gone more than a couple of days without drinking for years, and I know my consumption is way over where it should be. Looking at drinkaware's website I'm having at least 5 units a night, but sometimes a lot more.

I don't think DH will have any digs at me. It's just a bit harder when I can't rid the house of alcohol.

Come on hubba - let's hold each other's hands and get ourselves through the first few days. And maybe we'll inspire our DH's to join in.

hello all, just a quickie!! nice to meet you hubba and high!!

just for tonight have a bit of a sweetie binge if you want! - btw high, only 5 units a day?, you lightweight! take a tip from me and stop it now before it creeps up and bites you on the bum!,at one time i thought that i was on 'about 5 units a day', well, bugger me if that little number didnt rise ever so slowly, day by day, week by week, year by year, until i couldnt lie to myself anymore , i reckon this nice middle-class, employed lady got up to at least 100 units a week! , how the fuck im still alive i dont know!, but i am and im sober today and its great!

i want to jump up and down and shout at everyone! QUIT THE BOOZE, ITS SO NICE TO LIVE WITHOUT IT!!

jwn that's five units minimum if I'm being honest. can easily be 10+ at weekends. But it's not alcohol top trumps I know. DH is easily doing 10+ units at day and I don't want to be lured in with him.

Your thread is very inspiring btw. I've lurked on and off since the beginning so I know what a brave lady you (and the rest of the babes) are.

high, thanks for your kind words but im really not brave, just desperate!, i really was losing everything, my dh was sick of me, i was putting my wonderful dd under the most awful stress and frankly, I was sick of me - it dosent take bravery to quit, just the vision to see what is at stake if you dont!

i cant believe that i spent the last 18 years looking after my dd, finding my dh, building a home and a proper family life and then nearly blew it all for the sake of a fucking drink!, what an unbelievably fucking bloody stupid thing to do! i have a moment everyday when i think 'oh shit, i still could lose all this' and it terrifies me!, all i can do is keep on a day at a time and hopefully everything will come good again, its getting there, dh and dd still have doubts, blimey, I still have doubts, but at least im trying! and at least they know i am!

btw, since giving up the drink, i have taken up swearing!! its my new addiction!

Oh FFS JWN, I thought you were a lady!

Sex? No wait, that's always been the case

Erm, no not really. I'm sure I'll find one in time!!

ok highonahill, you're on! How have you found today? Im feeling quite positive now im past half eightish, it seems like between 5 and 8 is a danger zone to me, it seems natural to have wine while cooking/eating dinner.
Wow MIFLAW, your words really made me think, real food for thought. thank you

Hi all - well done highonahill and hubba, well done everyone ...

Just wanted to get back to DC and SAF about the mother issue ... My mum doesn't want to go to AA because she doesn't want to have to stop. To be honest, I don't think she is a problem drinker - she drinks pretty regularly but never, ever to excess. She 'needs' it - as in she has a drink every day - but it doesn't change her behaviour. When I ask her about occasions where she's covered herself in shame or done things she regrets, she just looks at me blankly . She doesn't get it. And I suspect your mother wouldn't either, DC. Very hard to explain to someone who has never really lost control what 'powerless over alcohol' actually means.

My advice would be to avoid anyone who might have difficulty understanding where you are now. Remember that people's perceptions of 'alcoholics' are very skewed, they imagine park benches and meths and are horrified at the prospect of potentially knowing one, let alone admitting to being one. I know I was

Now I'm so pleased to be an alkie. Honestly. We are still the most fun, we just don't make arses of ourselves any more .

(Sorry, that was much longer than I intended. Have nasty cold, off to bed soon. Sleep well everyone.)

Just back from parents evening, wine was offered to me and refused then out for tea and pecan pie with DH . Lovely chats and laughter

Interview tomorrow! Arrgh! Feeling VERY relaxed at moment...

Hi all. thanks for your messages. Hubba - glad to hear you're feeling so positive. Well done!

I found slightly easier tonight - I still had to struggle to back away from the wine at dinner but I don't feel as hard done by as yesterday (and I don't have the munchies). But I've drank so many soft drinks I feel a bit gassy .

8 - 10ish is my danger zone. Having got this far, I think I can manage to avoid a nightcap. DH kindly kept his booze away from me (I see he's had 3/4 bottle of wine plus a couple of beers - I could easily have been part of that).

Day 3 tomorrow. I don't think I've gone more than 2 days for 15+ years. Bring it on!

Thanks for the support.

well done highonahill, glad you are feeling good and so you should after going for so long without a break like you have achieved, well done you. Ive been on the milk tonight, I'm actually feeling tired because I'm tired which is different!

JWN, how old was your daughter when you developed a drink problem? How old was she when she noticed?
You know why I'm asking....
I had a very sober, civilized evening tonight with friends.
I feel human and at peace.
Bed now.
Night brave babes.

Your comments SAF have really hit a nerve. I have been deluding myself that I had time to sort myself out before I ended up damaging my kids.
I now see (to my horror) that my behaviour will already have had a negative effect on DC1.
I will definately NOT be drinking today.