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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help - DP is lovely, but stingy - what can I do about it?

195 replies

goatinacoat · 06/09/2010 10:17

DP and I have been together about 7 months. He's the sweetest, kindest person I know, and I adore him except for one thing - I've recently noticed that he's a bit mean with money and it's starting to become an issue between us. He has to buy everything in sales, or from outlet places, we spend hours traipsing round to find bargains just for the sake of them being bargains and it drives me mad.

He and I alternate weekends between his and mine when XH has the dc's - I always stock the fridge up for his arrival, or get takeaways in, there's plenty of drinks etc. I don't expect him to contribute when he's staying at mine, and I like us to eat well.

However - when I go there, he never has anything in his fridge. His budget is £20 for a week's shopping which would go nowhere in my house. This week's offering was to split a carton of soup with leftover sliced bread, or share a cheap, basic £1.80 pizza. No salad, garlic bread etc. We sometimes end up eating out, but he's started only paying for what he has - ie I had a pizza with coke yesterday, he had tap water so just paid for his pizza when the bill came.

I hate to sound spoiled but I'm not used to this at all (XH, for all his faults, was nothing like this) - it feels awkward and horrible, and I'd far rather pay for the whole meal myself rather than go through this each time. I had started doing that, but then realised how much I was spending on both weekends at mine, and his, and started to resent it.

He has a good job, I know we aren't trying to do anything beyond his means, so it isn't that he can't afford it, it's some ingrained trait that he has. I am probably too much the other way and totally admit that.

What do I do? He's everything lovely that XH wasn't - but I can't live with this on a long term basis. After past experience it's hard to measure what's normal in a relationship - I just know I don't like this but don't know what to do without making it into some massive issue. Help!!

OP posts:
goatinacoat · 07/09/2010 12:56

thanks all Smile

Hooray for the power of the MN masses to resolve any crisis..!

OP posts:
snoobiesmummy90 · 07/09/2010 13:03

Yes Cool, in between looking after baby going on MN passes time, love this site! :)

snoobiesmummy90 · 07/09/2010 13:04

Anyway, Goat sounds like you have a fab guy there, so good to hear all in going in the right direction!

Gay40 · 07/09/2010 13:30

I'm still wary.

RumourOfAHurricane · 07/09/2010 14:32

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Coolfonz · 07/09/2010 16:38

No it was my advice. Basically I've taught the world to sing, to love, today. Like a cyber-rainbow of joy.

But no, I don't need anything in return. I'm not motivated by use notes left in locker 28792 at Victoria Station in a brown envelope, 20s only.

RumourOfAHurricane · 07/09/2010 17:20

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Coolfonz · 07/09/2010 17:36

I think you'll find I arrived - like an angel of love - at 5.27pm, and you turned up - like a wooly ram with last year's valentines card stapled to it's knackers - at 6.09pm.

Therefore I doth proclaimeth myself Super Lovelord of the day-eth.

dogfish · 07/09/2010 17:56

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AnyFucker · 07/09/2010 17:59

I think I was pretty early in proceedings (when Op elaborated a bit more about what a decent guy in other ways he was) to say "hey, hang on a minute"

and I am a fully-paid up member of the Dump.Him.Brigade Smile

RumourOfAHurricane · 07/09/2010 18:35

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AnyFucker · 07/09/2010 18:36

quite literally, I reckon, shiney Wink

goatinacoat · 07/09/2010 18:38

Judge rules that it was Shiney's idea that actually helped resolve things the most, but CF's unusual take on the situation which made me laugh out loud. AF is always right anyway. And everyone else was very helpful, thank you.

So you can all stop bickering and share the glory. I don't know why it took so many posts to sort either.

OP posts:
FattyArbuckel · 07/09/2010 19:01

Awesome

Well done!

JuJusDad · 07/09/2010 19:03

Watch it, stoner boy... Smile

freedomfrom · 07/09/2010 19:08

Thats such good news... sounds like a very good guy, assuming his actions follow..... so only one more question, where did you find such an emotionally mature, great with your kids type man may I ask? Wink

AnyFucker · 07/09/2010 19:24

ah, goat, so we all had an equal, but different part to play

I can live with that Grin

Coolfonz · 07/09/2010 19:29
Grin
RumourOfAHurricane · 07/09/2010 19:53

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AnyFucker · 07/09/2010 19:57

rams and goats ??

what is this thread really about ?

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