ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.7

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity. ...........

Really glad for you Startin' getting cold feet now myself but think its cause my head is full of mince re X .I know its over but he still has some kind of hold over me ,prob another 6 mths b4 im ready to date .Prob change my mind again b4 Sunday.

Patience, I think it's perfectly normal for you to be feeling like that. You still had hope with xh up until recently so you're bound to still be v raw & confused. Enjoy it for what it is & if you change your mind so what. There'll be plenty more opportunities down the line.

extract of text from Mr Norm.........."I really enjoyed your company & had a v pleasant evening"

Morning All !

Pink I love your analysis of a MLC ie men go off their wives and cant be arsed with their dc, pmsl even though its not funny really is it ! You are right about the forms I am leaving it now until Monday but I have got all the paperwork together and actually want to get started now.

Patience (and Tea) I would dearly love to have some religious conviction and I am quite a spiritual person so maybe one day god will find me.. In the meantime I do get a lot out of the likes of the serenity prayer - one of my favourites

Patience I think you should go on the date unless for some reason you really really take against the idea , you may not be ready for hardcore dating but you sound ready for a few compliments and a chance to don one of your new outfits.

Well Starting first of all what is PPT ? I am guessing its saucy . I am so glad your evening was fun and it gave such a boost to your esteem , I think our confidence takes such a battering through the divorce process that we may not even be aware just how low our self esteem sinks until something happens to raise it iyswim

Chairmum I love babies - is there anything like a travelcot for a nap that you would like me to see if I can get hold of ? Well you certainly sound like you have the serenity part of things down to a tee re H going off to Spain with someone else.

Sov sorry you have been a bit up and down nice to see you back

Mumfun I too stared at that quote and not sure if I got it

Well I am on form today been for a run , paid some bills, printed some emails and made move towards organising info for outgoings thing and actually read through the forms which I have had since end of March

I had an odd day yesterday beached on the island of numbness,analysis and anxiety which I have been spending time on on and off all summer long. I feel like I have genuinely reached a point where I am glad exh left ,that I can see clearly but feel it too that he treated me with disrespect , coldness and disdain . I was able to see this quite clearly before his departure even but it has taken until now to be free of the effect that it had on me.

DD starts her new school tomorrow and I think I feel it is a landmark and that I have cogitated a great deal from the end of term until now the start of term but actually processed a lot and come out the other end iyswim

Waves to Happy, AB, Tea and all dumplings

See you later for DJ night x

Getting, many moons ago when I was a novice dumpling there was much talk on this thread about online dating sites/going on dates etc. Eventually I succumbed to a little dabble on Ple*ty of Fish (christened the fishy place). I set up a profile without a picture & got an email from a seemingly nice chatty man. I mistakenly gave out my mobile (being a novice & all that & getting caught up in the moment). Plenty of lovely texts followed & I was on the verge of agreeing to meet up when to my complete shock/horror I suddenly received a text with a picture of his penis! My lovely dumpling pals immediately christened him the Phantom Penis Texter & there you have it what a PPT is

Fwiw it's worth yes I think it's lovely to get a boost from compliments etc but ultimately I think self esteem needs to be built inside ourselves. Overall I don't really have low self esteem but I did end up an emotional mess from the crap with xh & it was a long hard road to get to where I am now. I would just be v wary of anyone using a man to counteract low self esteem as I think at some stage you will pay a v high price for it i.e. you will prob end up with a twunt in disguise.

I equally do not follow any conventional religion but am v spiritual & have a huge faith in a god of my own understanding . My faith has helped me so much during the dark times. I have a strong belief in the afterlife & spirit world & it helped so much when I was trying to deal with the deaths of so many people I loved last yr.

My interpretation of Mumfun's quote is that forgiveness is about accepting that we cannot change all the bad stuff or pain of the past & that forgiveness comes from letting go of our pain & moving on with our lives i.e. we cannot change the past so we need to let it go & move forwards. My own personal belief though is that every experience we have in life especially the v painful stuff are opportunities for us to change & grown as human beings

V busy today but just to say Great post Starting - and also yes thats what my quot means

Getting lovin your logic re outfits LOL!
Will see what happens ladies its good to have a laff but i think i am a place that if he is cool it will be cool if he is a twat i think i would manage to think lucky escape and still laff ,but im not actually in a settled place ,routine etc with X and i think that is the problem.But i may never be in a settled place with X so i cant really wait for that to happen.I am aware that i am still healing but i am also aware that new man wont fix that.But he may be a distraction that would push me further away from X

Yes yes Starting I know that I just meant its nice to have verification of ones fabulousity thats all

The PPT omg but no shock emoticon as the same thing happened to my friend but she thought it was funny and I think its still on her phone. What I couldnt get over was the total lack of any artistic content or framing of said member it was jeans pulled down and dirty mugs in background !!

Thankyou for explanation thought that was what Mumfun meant probably struggled a bit as I struggle A LOT with doing it. Most of my growing at present is around the waistline.

Have been clearing out playroom of loads of exh stuff and emailed and asked him to come and collect it which feels good.

See you later

Well done on clear out Getting !!!
Away to do homework really nice day here,see you later ,bought a bottle of sparkly stuff elderflower and chocolate and a pizza x

Hmm, sounds like just what you need for music night. I will be spinning the discs from 8.30pm Dcs permitting

The disco is over here ladies high school hits

SO GLAD you had a nice time Starting. Well done for going, it would have been so easy not to.

It's VERY early days for you Patience, see how you feel on saturday.

Getting, that 'photo' is now in my head and I really wish it wasn't. WTF what's wrong with some men, they're so weird.

Hah. I surprised H with my serenity. He sent me a text telling me who he was visiting in spain and saying he was surprised I hadn't asked, and that he didn't mind if I did, as he would want to know if the situation was reversed.

I said I was treating him as I wanted to be treated and that we needed to set some boundaries. He hasn't experienced a Chairmum with emotional strength before. I like her :)

Well done Chairmum and loving Nirvana on other thread

Go chairmum, i would have asked but then im nosey lmao

sov - one of the issues in our relationship was my need to control and his inability to take charge of himself. Letting go of that need to know everything is a big part of my healing for myself. I have to let him learn to run his own life without interference from me!

sounds like me and XP lol and thats what im trying to do now too, makes it easy for him cause his sister's stepped into that role but hard for me because i was doing it soo long but am getting better am also fighting the need to tell him about everything in my life because thats what im used to, he was always the one i turned to when anything happened for a hug more than anything but i now must fight the urge :0

Sovereign - it's hard isn't it. H never actually paid attention to what I said but I still told him everything. It's a hard habit to break so I'm just starting to try to work out what to keep to myself. Not that anything exciting happens to ne these days!

H hasn't got anyone else to step in and run his life but he's doing ok. I have to stop myself trying to get him to plan further than the next few hours (he does food shopping every day pretty much). He might not be well organised but most days it seems not to really matter!

Hope you all had a good nite last nite, DJ Happy rocks,think i might go out Sunday after all !

Morning all

I enjoyed being reminded of all those old songs nice to remember was once young - well done Happy

DD started her secondary school this morning and was busy applying mascara and packing her hairbrush meanwhile walking straight past her new pencil case etc . Anyway she seemed very excited and I did the right thing and texted exh a photo of her in her uniform ready to go. For once he did the right thing and texted back thanks

I felt really good yesterday and it seems to be lasting so hopefully I can get lots done again today . I made it to the gym and am hoping to stop stuffing my face and shift these pounds that have piled on over the summer !

Starting - lots of nice texts from your man I hope ?

Patience any word on the house yet ?

Chairmum glad you are liking the new you !

Waves to Pink,Sov,AB,Mumfun,Tea and all lovely dumplings

Morning all

Managed to get a photo of DS in uniform this am. Hadn't thought of texting XH with it tho. But Getting, good for you for doing so.

After a tip off (inadvertently) from DS last night made an online discovery about XH. He surely does not cover his tracks too well.

Patience, need a stem ginger candle or 2. Can you oblige?

Hope you all have a good Friday. Am now attacking my broken again dishwasher. Engineer said 'is there noone at home that can help?'. I resisted saying I need no help I am a kickass Dumpling .

Was meant to be seeing it today but agent cancelled so rescheduling for next week ,will go check out the websites now see if anything new has been posted .Well done with gym ,and for being amicable with X.I am goin to aim to be dignified with X now and encourage him to see the kids if he acts responsibly .

Hi all super dumplings. Very exciting kids starting back and good for dignified relations with Hs especially Getting! Mine only go back next week.

Happy -sorry youve had a discovery.:(

Just checking in as off for a fun child free weekend! Wont be back here till Monday. Have lovely as possible weekends all dumplings!

kickass Dumpling

Have a good time Mumfum

Only x3 weeks til party !