ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.7

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity. ...........

He only has the ability to upset me ,make me feel sad,make me dissapointed,question my own abilities etc if i allow him to .So instead i am trying to have a higher self approach to this and only keep light and love in my head and heart ,wish me luck ...LOL!!!

Hi ladies, loved the quotes, going to write them down. Might even put them under my pillow.

I loved that link Patience and I'm really going to try the forgiveness thing too. Bloody hard though. I'm also going to do some CBT....any of you done that ? I can't change the way things are so I'll have to change the way I think about them instead.

Patience...well done, it all sounds so exiting, you'll be so busy what with your new business and the dc and everything else.

Happy...I'm not sure what you're ill with either, hope you're feeling better.

Starting...shame about Norm, I think he needs to be given more of a chance though. You might be seeing things about him that are putting you off but there might well be a few amazingly lovely things about him which haven't come to light yet.

Getting...well done for tackling job application forms, good luck with that. Glad you felt good today. I did too.

Armbow...hope you feel better soon. You need to conserve your strength for your move.

Hi to Sov, Mumfun, LC, Chair and Tea.

Off for a shower, bed and The Inbetweeners,

last weeks and this weeks !

xxx

I did CBT a few times Pink; i think it stopped me wandering down "They did this to me because"roads ,if that makes sense ,you know when someone does something you dont understand and you make some explanation/excuse up in your head ,well my counsellor used to point out i had know way of knowing ever the true answer so stop with all the negative self talk possibilities shite.Im sure some one else will be along in a minute with a better explanation.ROFL.Is it changing thought patterns ?

Pmsl Patience at "bloody hell she thinks thats analysing ,its a grain of sand in the sahara mate LOL!" When you've lived in your head trying to survive life with these twunts Patience it's a hard habit to break. That's why I find meditation so good, it teaches you to be in the now & I guess Tai Chi is the same discipline.

Pink, I've never had CBT but studied the theories etc last year. It's a v effective short term form of counselling for specific negetive patterns of behaviour or thought processes etc. It doesn't delve into past stuff/history, more a case of treating the presenting symptoms in the here & now etc. It's v popular now as most health insurance companies/or counselling offered through your job etc only offer on average 6 free sessions per person & CBT is the fastest method. You won't get the awareness you get through psychotherapy or other forms of counselling but you'll get the cure to current probs so to speak.

Think you could be right on the Norm front & I def intend to give him a chance. I think it's more to do with being sick atm.

Yeah snotty sex is not a good look LOL!!!

I'm getting very behind on the thread at the moment and have glanced at just a few posts. Patience if we have a lifetime sex quota, then I am owed BIG time, as H never felt like it and I often got turned down. It's a miracle I have 2 DCs I reckon with your personality Patience you'll bag a brilliant man when you're ready and the time is right and you'll be a fantastic catch for them, they won't believe their luck. That goes for the rest of you dumplings too

I'll try and read up properely another day but I hope all the poorly dumplings get better soon.

Yes my babies are miracles too considering my sex life . I too am owed big time in the sex dept but think I've gone a good way towards addressing this . Even my v dear counsellor told me I was in need of a lot of sex, so actually I'm just doing what the Dr ordered

LOL

Tea that is such i kind thing to say to me just now ,i also agree there is a nice bloke out there for all of us but i need to continue working on my self esteem to make sure i am emotionally fit to play the game.

lol startin re followin drs orders !

I always find it hard if someone compliments me and when someone says to me that I'll meet a nice man one day, I think "yeah right" I think it's just because I've been hurt so badly by someone I trusted the most. My self esteem needs a lot of work. I think I've always been rather negative and cynical in life as well, so I have a lot to work on before I date someone.

Your personality patience though, just through your posts on mumsnet shows me though that you really have a unique and positive way at looking at life, so I am certain that you'll be a huge catch for someone when ready

My DS has just bitten his sister, he gets very excited and climbs on her, he's like a tiger cub and then always tries to bite her. I think he's trying to be affectionate. He loves to bite, cuddle and chew his favourite teddy as well. How on Earth am I supposed to get him to stop doing this before he gets to Pre School

Tea, may I assure you that you are totally fabulous and beautiful and that when the time is right, you will connect with someone that is right for you. The same is true for all Dumplings who I know to be beautiful in both mind and body.

Tea, if you carry on being the wonderful mum that I know you are I think that problem will go away pre nursery.

Makes note to make appointment with doc to get shag prescribed. What makes me think that he will prescribe two RR's and say to come back if that doesn't do the job

Tea, I think they all go through the biting stage at some point & gently pointing out that he hurt his sister is prob the way to go for now, making him say sorry etc. If I remember correctly you ds is only just two, so is only just hitting the age of reasoning.

I know I am biased but I think all of us dumplings are fabulous women & if we ever decide to settle down with men again, they will be v lucky to have us . We're all stong women with a lot of positive traits .

Well the sickness stage is still continuing in this house. I awoke even worse this morn if that is possible & it was a real stuggle to get dc's to school. I've managed to loose 4/5 lbs in past few days despite eating well & also plenty of sugar hits to keep my energy levels up . My clothes are falling off & I look like an emancipated wreck! Once I've dc's back home I'm planning an afternoon in pj's.........

Tea just to say my attitude re self esteem etc is all based on the idea of self love and treating yourself like your own best friend .I had to teach myself to accept compliments and respond to them[not be shy about it]and think of them as positive vibes to add to my collection.Also my thing about giving out positivity will bring more back to you has been an experiment for me since someone brought it to my attention,and an experiment along with positive self talk that i would encourage others to try for themselves.I think try it for a few weeks ,be quite self disciplined about getting into the habit and if it doesnt work you can always go back to negativity if you feel that was working better b4 LOL!!!
It has totally changed my outlook and it makes me feel good that you have noticed because it means it is working !!!
Re biting etc,we have a phrase that i learned from nursery that when a child does something like this i would say,"That is unacceptable behaviour"calmly but making the point.You can also add,"Biting your sister is making her sad"Repeating this calmly should make the point.One of my dds first phrases to her brother was "its UNAKEKBUBBLE "
Take care Startin'This too shall pass "
Waves to everyone x

Starting, I just laughed when I read to ignore you if you start rambling because "tis only the fever",

sounds like a death bed scene in a Dickensian novel eg when Oliver Twist's mother dies in the original black and white film. You're too young to remember.

Hope you all feel better soon. Having a bad cold is just the pits.

Lovely day today, I'm having a tidy and sorting out paperwork.......there's so much. Makes me feel better when it's a bit tidier.

I'm interested in xmas meet up too.

Would be nice if we could get together earlier in the day for lunch or tea maybee.

you can always go back to negativity if you feel that was working better b4 LOL!!!

UNAKEKBUBBLE -

I just went nearly 40years Tea with the doom of injustice on my back,now i think i cant control other peoples emotions but i can work with my own,it all seems so simple but it will always be a work in progress but i feel i understand it all a bit better now and it is great way to teach your kids about their reactions to everyday ups and downs !

i've just been told XP has been seen driving round in his car with another woman..........not quite sure how i feel about it.......i dont seem to feel anything .......maybe once the kids r in bed and i have some quite i maybe able to figure it out..............what were all your inital feelings when you found out X's were seeing someone else? am just wondering as im not sure this lack of feelings is right and that i should be crying or angry or anything

Hope everyones feeling better today :)

Sov, can you be sure that this woman wasn't already on the scene before you split? My situation was different because I found out about OW after the affair was over - apparently . If I heard xp was seeing someone now I would be surprised, upset and bemused. I actually want xp to get together with OW again because she is a complete disaster and they truly deserve each other. But if he was with someone new then I don't know how I'd feel. Yes I do, I would be jealous as hell!

Anyway, I don't want to bore you all with the latest Jeremy Kyle style instalment of xp's life so I'll try to keep this short. The shit well and truly hit the fan yesterday. OW's boss received a letter complaining about her affair with xp and there is a question about their use of company emails etc.

Obviously, I got the blame first but OW has so many enemies (all female) that she's unsure quite who it could be. She's going to go to her solicitor apparently . I lost the plot when xp accused me of making the complaint and called him for everything. The air was blue, every shade of blue imagineable. I really let rip and threatened to come down to their workplace and show her boss and anyone else who was interested the letter she sent my xp and the snaps of them on holiday (don't ask, I've never mentioned it before because it's too painful ). He very quickly backtracked then .

But the upshot was that I go a lot of unsaid stuff off my chest and told him what a fucking awful father he was/is for exposing ds to all this. I also stated very loudly and clearly that there was no chance of us ever, ever being reconciled. I think I've pussyfooted round it before.

He's now very humbled and left a little note simply saying "I'm sorry". It is the first time I've actually believed that he is genuinely sorry for what he's done rather than sorry he got caught.

I worked last night so he stayed at home to look after ds but he's gone back to a hotel today and is viewing a flat on Saturday. When he left he asked if he could borrow my Benidorm dvds (I love that series ) and I mentioned that I hadn't watched them all myself and he said "maybe we could sit up late and watch them together one night". He looked close to tears. I know it sounds trivial but this is the first sign of real regret and remorse. Way too little, way too late but I get huge satisfaction out of knowing that he is starting to suffer the consequences whilst I am busy moving on. Not for revenge as such (well, not much ) but it just redresses the balance a bit.

Sorry, that was longer than I thought. Hope you're all ok.

When I had suspicions I squashed it all down and called that stage denial, then once I realised it was true I moved into shock for a while before the anger and then bargaining as I was still desperate to resolve things with him and wanted him to end it and come back to me. I think I then moved into depression for quite a while. I'm now at acceptance! My counselor told me today that I do not need to see her now weekly and can just book her up here and there if I need to see her instead, as she said I've definitely moved forward so much I think she's right, as I'm running out of things to talk about with her now and we spend more time talking about life in general now. LOL

I'm not saying Sov that you'll follow exactly the same pattern, as everyone is different and all our situations are different but you maybe in shock still. However I suppose being with the woman in the car doesn't necessaily mean he's sleeping with her, does it? I've missed a lot of the thread lately, so if I'm wrong here I'm sorry. I'm sending you a ((hug)) lasy and hope you have a RL friend you can have a good chat to tonight and a laugh. Any alcohol in the house? A small tipple?

Patience - got some girls over tonight, will try and dig deep and be positive instead of my usual quiet self but inside feeling negative and cynical.

Later ladies x

LC - The OW really sounds like a shocker! Love your dumpling strength in the face of adversity!

Oh Sov I meant lady not lasy LOL

SOV im with LC here i would say i felt jealousy with a passion most people can only dream about....i never was one for half measures.This did pass and apparantley they were only chatting and having a laugh ,couldnt give a flying fuck mate ,he wasnt just chatting and texting me and having a laff ...anyway twas the final knife to cut the cord SOV so Im glad he moved on from me cos it would have been a burden of DOOM if he had stayed

Might have met a bloke 2day ,instinct says he is single [obviously i will need to get more details ]anyway i will def see him once a week so will def be a slow burner . Not giving out any green lights til i know he is sound .

I shall just be "the interesting cool as fuck lady "