ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.7

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity. ...........

Sov

Patience glad your xh isnt attractive anymore,having a confused day myself trouble is only ever speak to him on phone and he has nice voice/phone manner.

Just had my skills workshop day partly good partly depressing and definitely brought home to me that this could be a long haul.

Patience at 9 til 7 , odd dreams seem to have returned . Last night dreamt h bought Portsmouth FC and so couldnt pay me maintenance

Waves to everyone

Cripes Sov, what a plonker your H is

Patience, I have envy also over your sleep. I regularly wake up in the night and review email and MN.

Getting, one step at a time, your serenity will shine through to any employer

Waves to all - need to think about doing some baking x

My fucking serenity has gone for a burton.

Just got dc back and last night they went to a big family birthday meal except of course its not our familys meal its ow sons.

Then today off with ow and her grandchild and xh for lunch at some posh hotel.

DD said I missed you last night Mum because she is still struggling with spending time with ow .

I know we have all asked this but how come they get to swan off into a lovely shiny new life complete with new family.Its not fair.

I just hope one day he falls flat on his fucking ugly bastard face

Hopefully in a minute I will calm down dont know why I feel wild with rage , totally pointless

"most of the time " Getting ,i think i will always fancy him physically, but starting to see the bigger picture IYSWIM.My real story is at the most vunerable time ie the birth of my 2nd child [my ds was 15mths] i just lost my best friend ,simple as that ,he had been my best friend for 12years,the bloke i thought would help me out with the kids after work and at the weekends saw an opportunity to go to the pub everynite or his pal saw an opportunity to take X for a drink whatever he didnt get home til after 7 pm ,never took me out socially ,anyway long story short we never reconnected ,anytime i asked he told me he worked hard he was entitled to a drink .Always saw me as a nag,more fun at the pub than at home with me and dcs and lost touch with the family,not his fault he "just wasnt happy "

Getting ,punch the couch,the injustice will eat you up so dont let it,scream punch kick and sob .Do whatever you need to do to feel the emotion and let it go ,stamping is good .
ps all exercise is good for improving sleep x

Ugh ladies. One step at a time as they say.

Patience, as you know he is rewriting history as they do.

Getting, my twunt XH is posting pics of his (new) family on the web. So again, just magicked himself into a new world. As my DCs are a little older they don't really want to get involved with him too much at the moment. Hard though it is right now I think that you will find that as they grow older they will detach from it.

Thing is Happy for 4years [at least] he was living a double life .Life and soul of the party at the pub ,then grumpy crabbit bastard at home .If i didnt like it he threatened me or storm off for a week etc etc anything to teach me who the boss was,i may have been vulnerable but i know a bully when i see him, i wanted to still be in a happy marriage but how the fuck could i be.The guy was a violent eejit FFS!I am getting further away from him though that is the one positive thing from September,i predict more of the same in October .Not smoked for 2 days so needing a fag now ,but i will fight it and go and hold some dalmation jasper x

Hi everybody I'm back and will try and tell my story, as much as I would love to go into every detail I can't it would out me for sure, you may not even want me on here after this, but here goes...

I had 2 affairs 10 years ago, shortly after H and I met. 18 months later he found out about them and we got married. Only I didn't tell him the full truth then, just didn't want to lose him or hurt him. Fast forward 8 years, it all reared its ugly head again and I told him the whole truth. He was crushed and tbh I was too. He left me 2 months later saying he loves me but can't live with me and he has moved in with another woman who he barely knows, although he tells me nothing is going on I don't believe him.

It's been 6 weeks now and most of the time I have been quite strong, got to be strong for the kids, but it was 11 years on Monday since we first went out and all this week has been really tough, I just can't seem to pull myself round. To top it off, my car got wheelclamped today and it cost me £100 to get the bloody thing off!! A hundred quid! Will never park there again!

I understand that something similar has happened to all of you on this thread (I have tried to read the whole thread but it's just so long and tend to get lost off!) so I understand if you don't want me back xx

Hello

came back tonight to find h sobbing in the lounge (he had looked after dcs tonight and i had gone out) he then text me telling me he has "fucked everything up and is depressed"(quote)

I feel so sad for him, he was sooo upset but also i can't understand why after everything he has put me through i can still push my feelings to one side and put him first bloody hell...perhaps i still love him

what do i do if he asks to come home

patience - h's friends got and still do get the best of him, whereas i did (and still do based on tonight) get to deal with all his problems.

happy - sorry about the pics on the net, that is very barefaced of him.

getting - on the outside they get a shiny new life - look at my h (new gf, new house etc) but who knows how they really feel inside.

sov - gad you are having a good day

hi Chyler, hope you are ok.

I feel so sad for him, he was sooo upset !!!
Really AB is this the same prick that sent you the email and you had to go to ur parents to recover.Maybe he's been chucked LOL!Maybe the grass wasn't greener !!!I am sympathetic AB cos ive been there but everytime you get on your feet this slimeball plays the victim card and he wants you to rescue him,when he feels more confident he spews venom at you that is downright cruel ,just watch yourself,your moving date is close and he knows it ,just be careful.
The best of my X AB was not pub banter ,the best of my X was walking our dogs ,freezing our tits off ,sharing a fag in the woods and amazing sex LOL!!!No one will ever share that with X again ,i had him in his 20's and 30's he was gorgeous and happy now he is wasted and a bit fucked up ,but yes i was jealous of the time spent with pals ,but it is just an escape you have to dig deep and have some humility when dcs come along all about respect.respect your dcs respect ur wife and respect urself.Drinking yourself into a blackout isnt happiness,its letting the drink take control and running away from ur problems,its denial andblaming other people for ur own mess.Sometimes you have to accept responsibility for your own happiness and stop blaming everyone else.

i know patience, he does this EVERY time and EVERY time i fall for it.

it is such a fucking twisted irony though isn't it? he left me but i feel the need to be strong for him

Nice one AB as long as you know LOL!!!
I am the original daftie in this area so I think I have the right to pull rank here and point out his perfectly timed tears and snot routine ,he has a similar cycle to my own eejit.Strut.....cruelty....and tears basically so if you support him now {and that is up to you nobody here has the right to tell you otherwise}chances are he will get confident and start strutting again ,be a dick to you and then burst into tears .Anyway my advice is dont let this threaten yout tenancy ,get your name on the door ,then if he brings any talk of reconcilliation you are in control.

Waves to all......

Sorry I've been neglecting thread of late. Have started to post so many times & end up getting called by dc's etc & by time I get back thread has moved on to point that my post is obsolete. Anyway, I spent two days pretty much in garden & had to stop at that point or I'd have been unable to walk on Sat. I am now stuck in the middle of a cleaning spree! Have spent bloody hours cleaning & place still a mess. Have Norm coming for first visit tomorrow to my abode so don't want to appear a dirty slob . Someday I hope to recover from my perfectionish/obsessive tendancies .

Things are still progressing nicely with Norm. Am back in college next wk & god knows how I'm going to juggle it all . Thought xh might have disappeared for a while but low & behold I passed him today in the middle of a business meeting! So obviously he's still alive & well & hopefully occupied with his own life enough to start signing settlement papers soon!!

Getting, totally understand why you are feeling like that. It's v v hard when it's in your face as such. "I just hope one day he falls flat on his fucking ugly bastard face" too true!

Patience, well done on the cigs. I managed two days aswell but caved . Currently have cigs & nicorette gum in bag!

Happy, sorry to hear about your face being rubbed in it aswell with pics etc. Glad the music is helping you with serenity

Armbow, when they start the tears it's nearly worse then when they're behaving like twats! I'd say he sounds like an emotional mess atm & you're better off to detach & take care of yourself for now. ((Hugs))

Mumfum, good luck with all the business stuff & sorry to hear about your teeth again

Sov, glad you had an entertaining day better again I guess at xp's expense . Hope it's cheered you up.

Welcome to Chyler. Seems strange that he left over something that happened 10yrs ago & before you were married! Also strange that he's moved in with someone so soon . Maybe you're not seeing the full picture yet about what's going on with h & taking on all of the blame yourself when perhaps there's other reasons for your h's sudden disappearance.

Armbow, please steel yourself. This may be that his new relationship is not all he hoped. Don't get dragged into it. He can't just hop from one relationship to the next. It's fine to be sympathetic but only offer him what you would offer to a friend in the same situation. If (and it is only "if" at this point) he asks to come home tell him he needs to live on his own to make sure of his feelings. Funnily enough I had a very emotional XP last night - very out of character for him. He didn't actually ask to come home but I think he is finally realising the enormity of the situation, having at last got round to viewing a dingy little flat. Well, that's just hard cheese although I didn't say that to him. It's strange how our situations are following thge same timelines, Armbow. I've noticed that a few times.

Getting, Happy - I'm lucky that XP doesn't put anything on the net and isn't playing happy families with anyone else. That must be heartbreaking. But I can guarantee that their new lives are not all that. Everyone has problems and you just don't know how it is behind closed doors. Be patient and think karma.

Patience - your xh must be stunningly drop-dead good looking and/or bloody fantastic in bed because I haven't heard you mention any other redeeming features so far.

Chyler, why have your previous problems reared up again after so long? Everyone is entitled to make mistakes and to try to make amends. Infidelity is wrong but if it was pre-marriage and pre-children then maybe easier to resolve, I don't know. I found the lies about the infidelity much harder to accept than the affair itself. Maybe that's how your H feels?

By the way, ladies, I'm not going to be able to come to the meet-up as I have to go to work. I've had a lot of leave and sickness in the past three months for obvious reasons. I've also just negotiated reducing my hours which will be a huge help. So I have run out of favours. I'm really sorry.

I'm feeling quite distant from xp at present. When I got back from NYC to find all his stuff still in the house I felt really disappointed that he was still around. And I'm not getting any urges to text him. Nor am I wondering what he's doing. You know what I mean? All that mad desperation has gone now. Thank god. I'm finally getting a little bit of that serenity and boy does it feel bloody GREAT!

Armbow, Patience put that so much better then me & she's bang on

LC, so glad you getting some serenity but v sorry we won't get to meet you at meet up .

sorry chyler x post!
I have no probs at all with you being on the thread i agree with starting, i was a little when you mentioned he has moved in with someone else already (6 weeks??? that is bloody quick) for what reason did it all come up again???

LC - sorry we are going to miss you at meet up - you are right our situations do parallel don't they? i am steeling myself - i think he has been dumped poor love. glad you feel good

starting - you sound like you've been a busy gal !!!! you and norm sound all loved up and lovely

ROFL at LC yep thats about it !!!!Does that make me shallow

lol LC and patience - I had never noticed that before

spent all night worrying about h, the thought of him asking to try again makes my stomach sink - i suppose that says it all really. i really think something has happened over the last couple of days (maybe he has been dumped, life is not what he thought it would be) After 3 months really i thought he would be crying less not more, things should be getting easier for him - he should be relieved right? if he was as unhappy was he said he was then surely he should be relieved to be starting again???? that is how rationalise it anyway...

so onwards with today - i am going to carry on being positive.

by the way getting i am starting to get the dreams as well now

AB just roll with it dont stress too much ,keep yourself number one,FWIW it took 4 mths for my Xs first proper tears,i cant live without you,you are my best friend etc etc then he fucked off again !!!

Patience, if you're shallow then I'm completely stupid because my ex is only ok looking and good-but-not-brilliant in bed. At least you got something out of it .

Armbow, I'm thinking of you. My xp got very emotional a couple of days ago because he'd been to look at a flat which he described as a "shithole" so the reality of what he's done is finally starting to dawn. He's lost me, ds and his comfortable lifestyle. He didn't actually say he wanted to try again just things like "I never wanted this" etc. Also, I have really distanced myself from him and keep telling him I want to move on and start a new life for myself which is 100% true. I have spoken of moving away, getting a new job and I have also told him a Very Big White Lie. I've told him that some friends have set me up on a blind date with a rich doctor - I'm a nurse so it's quite believable. It's not to make him jealous (well, not much!) but mainly to get him to move on with his own life. There is also an element of revenge in there. I want him to feel the same pain that I did. And I am having some nice daydreams about my imaginary doctor friend .

Prepare yourself for hints that he's made a mistake. If he's anything like my ex he'll try to manipulate you into inviting him back home so he can call the shots and blame you when it all goes tits up. Well, I'm prepared for it and nothing short of him begging would be enough for me which is highly unlikely but if he did then I would turn round and say not on your nelly, mate .

LC doctors and nurses eh . Re meet up boo hiss definitly next time. I am glad you have taken a leap forward in your recovery from your xp. Sounds like he will be at that roadside wondering wtf happened that we all talked about in the summer

Well Patience if thats the case re xh then your RR pink buzzy friend should be filling the gap (as it were)

Well you will both be hugely missed tomorrow.

AB does this make me shallow ? I am envious at your xh sobbing and hinting at coming back mine never displayed such behaviour but he is a hard faced bastard. I think I have said before its just as well because I cant say for sure I wouldnt have considered it. I think Patience is right on the money though that this is more about some kind of wobble in his life than about love and respect for and family life and you. Sorry that reads a bit harshly.

Happy , well twunt may well have something on FB and she definitely will but luckily my lack of computer expertise means the world of FB is closed to me

Chyler - what the others said and of course you are welcome.

Starting sounds like you are ultra busy clearly Norm has given you a new lease of life . Dont get too tired out with him today you have a long day ahead tomorrow

Tea - you ok today ?

Well I am a bit grumpy today didnt really manage to pull myself together last night and didnt get to sleep until 1am. Went for a smear test first thing and dont know if its my state of mind or having something shoved up there after 10 months of dormancy but I promptly started blubbing ffs .The poor nurse didnt know what to do apart from telling me to make fists of my hands and place under my bum to raise it !! Well anyway that experience should take care of any penetration withdrawal I have beeb having

So am busy cleaning the house ready for dumpling inspection tomorrow I am sooo looking forward to meeting everyone and its putting a shine on an otherwise non fabulousity day . By the way my house is the first on the left as you come into the road .

Waves to Sov Mumfun and anyone else

LC, mine wasn't that good looking either & while I thought he was good enough in bed I am now in a better position to judge & actually now realise he was totally crap in that dept too!! Am loving the whole Dr saga

Getting, am so looking forward to tomorrow & second that the only negative is our absentee friends . Well have to confess I have a rare rare dc's free night tonight as have early flight tomorrow morn & arhem I've arhem made a few plans for tonight which may include Norm .

Bloody hell Starting are we going to have to put up with post coital glow in the morning ?

ROFL at visual picture in my head